There are so many things going on with me right now. I really do not know how to start, but I have to start from somewhere. So.

I met my husband after I finished polytechnic, at my first job. I was carrying a terrible heartbreak at the time, hiding it while I worked. He was supposed to be my supervisor, training me as a show teller. We became close. He was fun to be with; I grew fond of him. It felt like love. And I did fall in love with him.

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We dated for four years before we married in 2020. After the wedding, things seemed fine. We were both working. Everything appeared to move along well. Or maybe it just seemed that way because I had my own money and pitched in whenever necessary. My upbringing taught me not to ask for help, so I learned to sort myself out without troubling anyone, even him. My husband, the love of my life. It wasn’t a bother then that he wasn’t doing much for me. I didn’t even notice he wasn’t giving me anything, not until we had our first child. That was when my eyes opened, as if to a third realm.

Even then, I was still taking care of everything. I told myself his salary was small, and I brushed it aside. Life continued. I handled the bills, the rent, our food, our child’s needs. Everything.

In 2024, life went south. I was preparing to go back to school and got transferred to another region for work. But I couldn’t go. My dad fell ill. My child was just over a year old and still breastfeeding. My dad needed me. So I chose family and left the job.

That was when the nightmare began. I spent everything I had saved on the house and my dad’s health. I hoped the medicines and care would breathe life back into him. They didn’t. He died. He died, and I was left with nothing but a father to bury and a pile of debts. My husband watched me drown. He watched me feed him. He watched me sweat to pay the bills. When I say this man does not raise a finger, I am not exaggerating. It is not a lie. He wears the crown as head of house, while I wear the responsibility.

Then he changed jobs, to one that paid better. I thought things would finally become okay, that he would help. But still, when our child needed to start school, it was me who found the money for daycare and admission. He began sending 1,500 cedis a month. Our rent is 500 cedis. Our child’s school fees are 800 cedis. That 1,500 cedis was supposed to cover all of it. It did. I still fed the house. I paid utilities from it. I did not complain.

My problem is he has no foresight. He is just comfortable with whatever he has. Now he is back home. The job is gone. He is home, doing nothing. I am also home, struggling to wear the pants as head of the family. Sometimes I go to the market and help people shop for foodstuffs just to earn something to bring home. I call friends for small, small supports. My mom, a widow, is also struggling, and I have her to think about.

My husband just wakes up, borrows phone credit, scrolls through TikTok and Facebook. When he’s tired, he sleeps. He snores in my face. Whenever I think about what we will eat or what our child will wear, I am tired. I am exhausted. I am tired.

I have discussed business ideas we could try. He brushes them aside. He doesn’t even take interest in the conversation.

Even at my dad’s funeral, I had nothing. I had to borrow money from a friend. My husband did not give me one cedi to support. Not one. Even the rituals from his side, he did them half half. When I tried to pay back the 5,000 cedis I borrowed, the man added 2,000 cedis interest for two months. I struggled. I cried. Eventually, I sold my car to settle that debt and to pay the electricity bill that was due for a year, and others.

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Recently, a friend suggested that since my dad left his car in my care, I should use it for school pickups. He even offered some startup money to pay back later. I ran to my husband, saying God had looked on us with mercy, let’s do it. He didn’t take it well at first, then changed his mind. We designed fliers. He kept them with him, for reasons known only to him, while he slept and scrolled at home. Tired of his nonchalance, I woke up one day, sat in the car, and drove to schools and shopping malls to distribute them myself

I am leaving him. I am very tired. I cannot see myself doing this anymore. I cannot build a future with this man. I cannot. My child’s future matters too much. A man without vision cannot help me. A man who is comfortable being poor. I have done my best. Truly, I have done my best.

And now I have just found out I am pregnant again. I know I cannot keep it. It breaks my heart. How did I get here? I cannot keep it. How would I care for another child without a job? I am already a single mother in a marriage. I cannot add another mouth now.

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I want to leave him. To leave and be free, so I can know I am truly a single mother. Whatever I do, I will know I am alone. There is so much I cannot even say. I just needed a place to vent. I hear the divorce process also involves money. That is another bridge to cross. But now, I am ready to do it, anyhow. Because the earlier, the better.

It is not as though I am some illiterate walking about. I have a degree. A first class degree in Banking and Finance. I have eight years’ experience in a financial institution. That is me. Stuck with a visionless husband.

—Makay

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