Things in my marriage started going badly a while back. It was as if my husband was replaced by an entirely different person. Things we used to laugh about in the past started getting on his nerves. Problems that had us talking and trying to find a solution all of a sudden became problems that had us going for days without talking. I hated the fact that the peace in my home was turning into strife and unnecessary conflict.

My husband also didn’t like it. All attempts to bring things between us back to normal became futile. What made it worse was, we couldn’t pinpoint the root of the problem. I confided in a female friend and she said, “My dear, this sounds like a spiritual attack. You know the devil fights against marriages so you have to gird yourself and make sure he doesn’t destroy what you have.” I am a Christian. Of course, I believe in the spiritual realm.

I thought about it and realized my friend was right. The only explanation for all the little problems arising in my marriage without cause could be spiritual reasons. In her attempt to help me overcome my battles, my friend suggested, “There is a woman of God I know about. She has the gift of sight so whatever is causing problems for you, she will see it and tell you. Let’s go and consult her.” I don’t usually go to pastors asking them to pray for me, but I was at my breaking point.

My friend first introduced me to the woman. Then when I felt I was ready to talk to her I went to her. As soon as I sat down she asked me, “Maame, what is your mother’s name?” I mentioned my mother’s name to her and it was as if she already knew it. She just stared at me and said, “I know why you are here. Your mother is the cause of your marital problems.” Anger stirred inside me the moment the words left her lips. I was almost shaking with rage and she could see it on my face. How can you look me dead in the face and tell me the woman who gave me life is sabotaging my marriage?

I wanted to get up and leave but she is elderly so I restrained myself and showed her some respect. After a long moment of silence, she said, “I can see that you are angry because of what I said. It’s the truth but I cannot force you to believe me.” Of course, I didn’t believe her. This is my mother we are talking about.

My mother has five children. There’s always a belief that parents are closest to their firstborns and lastborns. I am neither of these but I am very close to my mother. Our relationship has been like this ever since I was a child. I tell her everything that is going on in my life. If blood is thicker than water then the love we share is thicker than blood.

Even now that I am in my thirties and married, I still tell my mother every minute thing that happens in my life and marriage. I live in Accra with my husband while she lives in Kumasi but that hasn’t changed anything. Among all her children, I am the only one who takes care of her. My dad is late and my other siblings couldn’t be bothered. They are doing very well in life but they don’t care how their mother survives. Whatever she needs is my responsibility. I don’t mind that I am the only one doing it because I love her so much.

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This is why I didn’t like what the Awoyo woman said. I felt she was just throwing words around to ruin my relationship with my mother. That’s why I consulted four different pastors after my encounter with her. Could you believe they all said my mother was the cause of my marital problems? How on God’s green earth can this be true? How is it possible that the one person aside from my husband that I give my all to, will do evil against me?

The more I think about it, the more confused I become. All these pastors cannot also tell a lie of this nature. What do they stand to gain from it? It’s not as if they know each other so I can’t say they rehearsed their answers.

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I keep asking myself if my siblings are refusing to take care of our mother because pastors have told them similar things about her. I don’t know what to do. I went looking for solutions but I only found more problems. I’m so sad that I can’t even eat.

The solution these pastors gave me is that I should stop taking care of her. If I do that, who will pay her rent and other bills? While I am worried about her, I am also angry. After hearing these pastors repeatedly mention her name, a part of me believes they could be right. Because of this, I don’t answer her calls these days. I want to figure out what to believe so I haven’t done any of the directions the pastors gave me. I am just very confused.

—Adepa

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