A week before our wedding, we had a huge fight in the presence of his mom, who had been living with him and interfering in everything. I’d always known him to have a temper, but I knew how to manage him. Anytime he flared up, I kept quiet and allowed him to say whatever he wanted to say, and then I would say sorry to him. He would mellow and then speak to me softly.

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It worked like magic. He’s that kind of man who wanted control and, without it, felt like he was no man at all. I gave him the control, and it worked for the three years that we were dating.

During our wedding preparations, I didn’t want to make him angry and sour his mood. I walked on eggshells, especially as it got closer to the wedding. Seven days to the wedding, I visited him only to hear that they had changed the catering service because the woman was being difficult.

I asked what the woman did, and his mom jumped in. “This is not the time to ask questions. We’ve changed her, so let’s go with what we have in mind.” They were going to use his aunt, who they said knew how to cook and had been cooking for events.

I didn’t try to fight. All I said was, “Why didn’t you inform me earlier so I can also suggest someone?”

They both descended on me as if I’d said what I had no right to say. I fought back. I asked his mother to stop deciding for us and allow the two of us to think.

That woman had been very hostile to me many times, and that day I wasn’t going to allow the two of them to go on and on. Even after the exchanges, my soon-to-be husband asked me to apologize to his mom, and I did.

I slept at his place that day because we had a lot to do the next day. I slept very early that night. Around midnight, I realized he wasn’t in the room, but I heard distant voices. I walked slowly until I could hear them clearly. He was talking to his mom.

His mom said, “You see why I didn’t want you to marry her? Her tribe are like that. Sarpomaa was perfect, but you left her for this thing.”

I waited to hear him defend me, but he sat there while his mom dictated the conversation and painted me like the devil herself. I immediately knew I was in for trouble.

I went back and didn’t sleep until he came back to bed. I said, “It’s not too late. You can go back to Sarpomaa.”

He nearly beat me that night. “How dare you eavesdrop on us?” he screamed. “If Sarpomaa was here, do you think you would be here?”

I left the house the next day and called off the wedding. After telling my parents I wouldn’t marry again, I took emergency leave from the office, switched off my phone, and disappeared. I reappeared the day after the wedding should have happened.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

It was hard, but looking back, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

He married another woman a year later, and just two years after that, I heard they were headed to court for divorce. That would have been my lot if I had stayed.

—Dorcas

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