I have been a follower of your page for a very long time, and it never occurred to me that I will be writing to seek help with my relationship. But here I am today. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for eleven years now. We started dating when we were in senior high school. After school, I gained admission to the university and I was able to attend. I completed it four years ago, but my search for a job has proven fruitless. Because of that, I am currently running my own business. Thankfully, I earn enough to get by.

My girlfriend on the other hand couldn’t further her education immediately after SHS. She stayed home to work and gather money, and she just recently enrolled in a university of her choice. To be honest, in the time we’ve been together, I have cheated on her a couple of times. Although my actions hurt her, she forgave me and we moved on. I have since then been faithful to her. Before God and man, she is the only girl in my life and we are hoping to get married as soon as we are both ready.

When she started school I became afraid of losing her to another man. And this made me a little more possessive than I usually was. I was always telling her, “You know I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. But if you cheat on me, I am done.” Her response was usually, “You know I have never cheated on you. You are the first and only man I’ve ever been with, so why are you concerned about it all of a sudden?” I tried to ease my grip on her but I just had this feeling that if I let my guard down, even for a second, another man would swoop in and eat what is mine. And my girlfriend’s complaints about my possessiveness didn’t move me.

About three months ago when she left for the campus, she started acting strange. She said; “You are suffocating me with your insecurities. I think we should take a break.” I knew she was right. I was insecure. She had complained, and we had arguments about my behaviour. It just didn’t occur to me that it was suffocating her. So I tried to make things right. I apologized to her and promised to take a step back so she could have a university experience without me casting a shadow over everything she does. She accepted my apology but she still insisted on a break. I spoke to our friends to talk to her but my girl wouldn’t change her mind. I drove five hours to her campus to talk to her in person but she still said she wanted space.

After I came home, I didn’t give up on her. In the weeks that followed I did what I could, and continually apologized for my actions. Sometimes, she agreed with me and tried to give our relationship another go. Other times too she would go off and insist that we are on a break. I would call her, and she would be talking to someone else. If I asked, “Who were you talking to?” She would give a silly explanation. Apart from that, she wouldn’t answer my calls on weekends, especially after 9:00 PM. Then she would apologize later, but the pattern continued.

She came home a few days ago with a broken phone screen so I decided to fix it for her. After fixing it I decided to go through the phone. I didn’t know what exactly I was looking for so I opened the chats she had with her best friend. I found out from their conversations that she was hanging out with this guy on campus. Apparently, she spends her weekends with the guy, which explained why she wouldn’t answer my calls on weekends. After reading the messages I confronted her about the guy and she admitted that he came into the picture when she said she needed a break. According to her, she hasn’t agreed to date him but they’ve slept together twice.

I am so heartbroken. She has also been crying and apologizing for her actions. She promised it won’t happen again. She keeps saying, “I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know why I did it.” The past two months have been hell on earth for me. When she asked for a break, I couldn’t sleep. I cried and begged this girl to change her mind but she refused. Only for her to turn around and sleep with a guy she is not dating. That’s the part hurting me more than anything. But the thing is, I still love her. I don’t mind forgiving her but I fear that she might do it again. She says she is sorry but I don’t see her doing anything to show that she is remorseful.

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I called the other guy in her presence and my girlfriend sounded sorry for the guy. She couldn’t even tell him that she regrets what they did and that it would never happen again. Of course, if she said those words to him I would have believed her. At the end of the call, the guy told me, “You don’t treat a woman like a possession. If not she will push you away and run into another man’s arms.” So in short, he is blaming me for my girlfriend’s betrayal. This only makes me believe that when she returns to campus they will continue whatever they started.

Now, I have gotten an opportunity to travel outside the country to further my education, and I will be gone by the end of this year. I want to know if I should forgive her and trust that she would be faithful in my absence, or if I should just let her go and start my life over when I leave.
Please I need your candid advice.

—Mike

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