I’m a 30-year-old man in a relationship with a 28-year-old woman. Twelve months ago, a friend invited me to his friend’s birthday party, and that’s where I met her. Maybe it was her weird laughter that made her different from the rest, but I was drawn to her the minute I saw her.

We spoke all night, and I asked for her number after dropping her at her house. We spoke every day, and after 3 months of practising how to ask her out, I finally did. She said yes.

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She’s kind, considerate, thoughtful, beautiful, and very intelligent with a great sense of humour. She would text or call to say she has a pimple, or her nail broke, or she doesn’t know what to wear. She’d plan hangouts and send me TikTok videos suggesting things couples do for fun because, according to her, I never took the initiative.

At some point, I felt she was needy and overbearing. She always wanted to talk to me. She would ask why I didn’t call when I said I would. The fact that I mostly spent time with my friends was a problem for her.

Yes, I love hanging out with my friends, driving around town, and arguing over soccer. That’s just who I am.

One day we had an argument because I didn’t do something I said I was going to do. In the heat of the moment, I said she behaves like a “headmistress”.

And suddenly, everything changed.

She doesn’t complain about anything anymore. She doesn’t ask to see me or hang out. She doesn’t even notice if we don’t talk the whole day. She’s either going out with her friends or going to the movies by herself.

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The other day, I found out on her status that she spent a day at Aburi Gardens by herself, and I didn’t even know. She doesn’t complain if I view her status without replying to her messages. She doesn’t show me her outfits or ask to see mine. She doesn’t call or text when I hang out with my friends because, as she says, she knows I’m fine.

She doesn’t start conversations anymore, but when I do, she acts as if everything is fine. She hasn’t done or said anything to suggest there’s another man or that she’s no longer interested in what we have.

We haven’t seen each other in 2 months, though we don’t live too far apart, and I miss us. I miss her. I miss the petty fights and yapping and small gossip. I miss waking up to 12 messages about her dream, her pimple, and her annoying coworker. I miss feeling wanted

I used to think she was too much. Now I realise she was just loving me the way she knew how. She wanted my time, my attention, and my effort. And instead of appreciating it, I called her a headmistress and made her feel like a burden.

Now she’s given me exactly what I asked for: space and peace. And I hate it. How do I bring back the spark in my relationship? My friends aren’t helping. We all say stuff about relationships not being a big deal, but I want to keep this one.

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Has anyone been in this situation? How did you fix it?

I’m starting to think I took her for granted, and now she’s done trying. How do I show her I was wrong without sounding desperate? Or is it too late?

—Noah

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