I am a twenty-four-year-old woman who is currently in fashion school. I am trying to build myself up and make something meaningful out of my life. So far, it’s going well, but something is eating me up. It has to do with my relationship with my fiancé. Well, let me start from the beginning.  

His name is Kwabena. We met when I was eighteen years old. He was also just twenty at the time, but he told me, “I know we are both very young but I want you to understand that I want to marry you. If you give your heart to me, I will handle it like an egg, and I will make sure that you are the happiest girl on earth.” I remember asking him, “Do you know how many girls there are on earth? And do you know what it takes to make those girls happy? How do you even know what it would take to make me happy?” He smiled and said, “Would you rather I talk about what I can do to make you happy, or would you rather I show you?” 

So I accepted his proposal on one condition, “Alright, I will give you a chance but know that I haven’t been with anyone before. And I don’t want to do it until marriage. If you say yes now, and later you start putting pressure on me I will walk away from you and never look back.” “Hey, relax. I will never put pressure on you to do anything you are not comfortable with.” He spoke. And true to his words, he has done nothing but go above and beyond to make me happy. If I tell him I want to taste the clouds, he will find a way to bring me a handful of clouds. If I tell him I want to own the wind, he will trap it in a jar for me. I am pretty sure Kwabena will give his soul to me if I require it. That’s just far he will go to prove his love for me. 

He has never done anything to wrong me. He has even taken responsibility for my upkeep, something he shouldn’t be doing. As if he is not doing enough, he extends a helping hand to my family whenever things get hard. We were doing very well, and I even dropped my rule and we started doing the thing I said we wouldn’t do until marriage. He was my whole world until I met a Muslim guy one day. He was not the first guy to show interest in me ever since I started dating Kwabena, but he is the most persistent one among them. I don’t know how he did it but he chipped away at my resolve until there was nothing left. I told him countless times, “I am in a committed relationship, so stop shooting your shot. It’s not going to work.” But he wouldn’t stop. Every time I bounced him, he came back stronger. He would tell me, “Deny it all you want, but something is brewing between us. How long are you going to keep fighting it?”  

Maybe I was weak. Or maybe my curiosity got the better of me. All I know is, that I gave this Muslim guy a chance even though I knew it wouldn’t lead to anything meaningful. I became so drawn to his newness that I believed my infatuation to be love. I gave this guy all my time and attention even though it caused my relationship with Kwabena to suffer. Every time Kwabena called, I would be too tired to talk to him. But whenever the Muslim guy called me, we would talk for hours. 

At one point, Kwabena asked me, “Is something wrong? You have become distant of late.” I looked at him and said, “Nothing is wrong. I am just under pressure with schoolwork.” He has always been understanding so he didn’t push me any further. Instead of me sitting up and reevaluating things, I went to visit the Muslim guy and we ended up sleeping together. It was after the act that I realized I have messed up. That was when I even understood that what I felt for him was just infatuation, not love. I have deeply regretted it and I wish I could take it all back, but now it’s too late.  

READ MORE: I’ve Lost Everything In Life Because I Took Another Man’s Wife But That’s Not The Problem

Just recently, Kwabena came to perform my knocking rites, and I feel so guilty that he doesn’t know what I did. This guilt has eaten me up to the point where I don’t allow him to touch me anymore. When he shows up and tries to get intimate with me, I resist him. He is a patient man who has never forced me to do anything I don’t want. But I can feel his patience running thin. All he has ever done is be good to me, and I ended up betraying him.  

How am l supposed to tell him what I have done without breaking his heart? I want to come clean and tell him the truth but I am scared that I will lose him. He already has his suspicions and he has asked me, “Is there someone else? Is that why you’ve changed?” I didn’t have the courage to tell him everything but I told him, “I have been talking to another guy.” Even telling him that part of the story broke him. What will he do if he finds out the whole truth? I feel terrible and very guilty. What do I do please?  

—Elsa

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB