For the past ten years that we’ve been together, nothing good has happened to us. Except, of course, the birth of our four-year-old son. Even though we were all excited about the birth of the baby, it meant another mouth to feed. That was our concern. That we had taken on a responsibility that we wouldn’t be able to see through.

I love my man, I do, but our financial struggles are too much. I am a degree holder who is struggling to secure a job in this country. And my baby daddy is an SHS leaver who is also not finding it easy getting a job in this country. So he ventures into any business that happens to be lucrative in a particular season. That’s how he supports us. However, money from these businesses is not a stable income. So there always comes a time where he comes home with nothing.

I also do odd jobs here and there to earn some money. It doesn’t bring much to the table but it helps when things are hard. I know he is trying hard to make things work for all of us but sometimes I feel like I am bad luck in his life.

There hasn’t been a single time since I met this guy that he has had financial stability. There is always one crisis after the other that needs money to solve. One time I told him, “What if I am the reason you are struggling financially? Maybe there is a bad spirit around me that eats up your money. Let’s break up and see if you will do well financially. That’s the only way you can confirm this theory.”

I love him so much that I was willing to let him go if it meant he would start doing well concerning money. Nevertheless, he told me; “I would rather be with you and be poor than to not be with you at all. No amount of money will fill the void your absence would leave in my life.” I know he is fighting for our love, but what good is love to a hungry woman?

As I write this, things are so bad for us that our child is currently living with my mother in the village. This is not something that either of us is happy with but our situation led to it. We both have to go out and look for money. And we couldn’t bear to leave our child in the care of a stranger or someone who is not a blood relative, so we made the difficult choice to take him to my mother.

I still believe all of this is happening because I have a bad spirit that prevents me or anyone close to me from getting money. When I say this to my man, he laughs it off as a silly joke. He tells me I am overreacting, and that he could also be the one with the bad spirit. Honestly, I can’t tell which of us is the cause of our financial problems, because I started dating him when I completed high school. I didn’t have money then, and I still don’t have money now, so not much has changed for me.

He tells me, “They say behind every successful man is a woman. That’s why you should stay by me so that when I share my success story, you will be the woman who stayed with me through it all.” I tell him, “I am not that woman who will stay by your side and bring you success. I believe things will get better for you if you let me go.” But he doesn’t want to hear any of it. He keeps telling me we should pray.

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We have been praying so hard for a breakthrough but to no avail. He has been meeting big people who promise to help him but they all end up disappointing him. As for me, whenever I get a job, it doesn’t favour me so I end up resigning.

I wish we would go our separate ways and see how we would each do on our own but anytime I want to leave him, he begs me not to. “Just have a little bit of faith. Everything will be fine,” he says. This has been going on for so long that I don’t believe anymore that things will get better. We were supposed to get married three years ago but we couldn’t go through with it because we had no money.

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I know people choose love over money, but what can you do in this world without money? How can you prove your love to someone with no money? How can you even survive in this economic climate without money? We’re both very hardworking people but nothing good is coming our way. I know now that hard work does not always equate to money.

At this point, he has said everything he can to keep me in the relationship but I am ready to move on. I am not leaving him because he is broke, no. I am just leaving to lighten the burden on him. Maybe I am truly the one blocking his chances in this life. I am a very beautiful girl who catches the eyes of wealthy men so I don’t wish to keep being a bad luck to the man I love.

If I try my luck with another man and they don’t face financial problems, I will accept that I am not the bad luck I think I am. But if the new man faces challenges with money, then we will all know and accept that I truly am the problem. Then I would have spared the father of my child from my bad luck. Does this not make sense? It makes sense to me but he does not want to accept it.

—Janine

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