I’m in my late twenties. I lead a church fellowship, and people look up to me. But right now, I’m confused.

You see, the thing is I’ve never really been good at dating. Love in this generation feels too messed up for someone like me. With the things I see around, sometimes I believe it is not even worth it. So for a long time, I just focused on my life and my walk with God. I told myself I was fine.

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But you know how it is. Man cannot live by bread alone, and ‘body no be’ firewood. One day, I found myself praying for something I used to think I did not need. A partner. A wife. Someone I could call my own. Flesh of my flesh, like the Bible says.

Then I met a lady at Easter youth camp. She was so nice to me. We became friends, and with the way she was reacting to my moves, I didn’t waste time. I told her how I felt, and she said yes. But she lives far away, in another region. I live in Accra. In one year of dating, I’ve only seen her once. I thought it was okay, but now I’m not so sure.

One day, a lady from my fellowship approached me and told me to my face that she likes me. She didn’t stop there; she was acting on it too. She started cooking for me, helping me, and even doing everything like a wife. I’m not working now because I’m back in school, and she’s been supporting me. She even joined the same course I’m doing.

And the first lady still calls and asks for money. She’s never bought me even sachet water. But I still send her money and try to make her happy. The second one is always there. She understands when I don’t have money. She doesn’t complain. She just stays with me.

I started falling for her. Maybe it’s because she’s kind. Maybe it’s because she’s always there. I don’t know. But I know I care so much about her now.

But now her ex is back in the picture. The last thing I heard, he gave her ₵2,000 to start a business. He even went to her family for a marriage list. They said no, but the guy didn’t stop. Her mum took her to a prophet to ask for direction. The prophet said she is supposed to marry her ex, but she still has a choice. He told her to go and tell the ex’s mother that she is no longer interested. Depending on how the woman reacts, the prophet will give her the final answer.

She is going to see the ex’s family. And I am scared. I am scared he might sleep with her. Since I broke her virginity, she has been very close to me. She comes around often, and sometimes I have to push her away. I do not know what will happen if she is alone with him.

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She says she will not go back to him. She says she loves me. But her mum, the prophet, and the ex are all putting pressure on her. And me too, I do not know what to believe anymore.

So now I am asking myself. Should I fight for her? Should I hold on to the one who has been there for me, who gives without asking? Or should I leave her and focus on the first lady, the one I started with, even though she does not really show me love?

I am supposed to be a leader in the body of Christ. But right now, I feel lost. If you have ever been in this kind of situation, please talk to me. I need advice. I want to make the right choice.

—Emmanuel

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