Two years ago, I met a man. After several months of persistently expressing interest and sweet-talking me, I decided to give him a chance. The moment I said yes to dating him, his first word was marriage. He said he didn’t want us to spend too much time courting. “ I want us to make things official as soon as possible,” he proposed.

I told him, “Let’s take our time. We don’t rush into marriage like that.”

We were not particularly friends within those two years so I didn’t know him well enough. When we started dating, I sought to fill that gap. Naturally, I asked about his background. How did his past relationships end? Were there any children involved? All the basic questions a woman needs answers to before saying I do. He was calm, composed, and answered everything—or so I thought.

When I felt I knew him enough, we began planning the wedding. Everything, from our outfits to the engagement items, was bought. We ticked off every box on the wedding prep checklist. But something felt off.

He would receive strange calls in my presence and instantly look uncomfortable. Other times, his phone was often on flight mode. Whenever I questioned him, he’d swear by heaven and earth that nothing was going on.

I had asked him early on if he’d ever been married before. He said no. Yet something in me couldn’t let the question go. I kept asking, over and over again. He’d get upset sometimes, claiming I didn’t trust him. I’d apologise and let it go, but the doubt remained.

So, I decided to do a little digging. That’s when I found out he had two children. When I confronted him, he denied it. “They are my late brother’s kids,” he said.

I wasn’t convinced. So I confided in a close family friend of his—someone who had also become my friend. From the way the guy responded to my concerns, I could tell he knew a lot more than he was letting on. But he wanted his brother to come clean on his own.

I approached my fiancé again. Not once, not twice—three different times. I even involved my mother. In her presence, he cried. Claimed I didn’t trust him. That I believed hearsay over his word. We were nearly done with the wedding arrangements at this point. 

One evening, on our way to print the invitations, I told him plainly: “If it’s even a day to the wedding and I find out you’ve been hiding something from me, I’ll call it off.”

He shrugged it off like he always did. Then one day, a thought struck me, “What if I saved the numbers that frequently called him and reached out to them myself?” It took a lot of courage and prayer, but eventually, I called them one after another.

Herh! What I found… I still can’t believe it.

This man had been divorced by nearly four women. He had at least seven children with different women!

I was stunned.

But remember what I told him? That even if it was a day to the wedding, I would cancel everything if I found out he lied? I meant every word.

Of course, he cried. He begged. He said he was scared to lose me, that he was waiting for the right time to tell me. That speech? It moved no muscle in me.

Let’s not even talk about the things he bought. A ridiculously expensive wedding gown. Kente. Jewellery. And the ring? We fought over that one for a whole month. He never discussed the price—just told me to meet him at the shop. When I saw the price tag, I almost passed out. But he insisted, “You’re precious to me. Money doesn’t matter.”

Well, it wasn’t my money, so I accepted it reluctantly. It was quality, I’ll give him that—some multiple carat something-something.

But after discovering the truth, I realized maybe he thought he could buy my silence. Maybe he believed expensive things would blind me to the lies.

All this happened within eight months of knowing him.

It’s been a year and a half since I walked away. Word has it that he’s threatened suicide multiple times because I refused to accept the car he bought as compensation. I’m still here, o. Waiting for the day he’ll finally do it, so I can show up and eat funeral jollof. I can’t believe I almost got entrapped into marriage with a liar like him.

—Kadi

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