I got pregnant at the age of nineteen, just after finishing high school. My parents were deeply disappointed in me. They called me all sorts of names, and didn’t waste time in insulting me whenever they got the chance. To make my situation worse, the man who got me pregnant abandoned me. My heart was hurting, and so was my soul, but what choice did I have? I endured it all. 

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Without my baby daddy by my side, I went through all of it alone. I faced the judgment and scorn of my parents alongside other members of my family and our community at large. “Bad girl. You are not ready for parenthood, but you are busily doing what adults do. Look at you now,” they mocked. They did all this just because I was having a child out of wedlock.

A year later after I had the baby, I reconnected with an ex from high school. We were so happy to be back in touch. “What have you been up to?” He asked. “I had a baby,” I responded. 

I didn’t hide anything from Kwetso. I told him everything about my situation, including the fact that my baby daddy abandoned me and my family treated me as if I were a stain on their image. 

He didn’t mind. “I still love you,” he professed, “I never stopped thinking about you.” I was lonely, and he was the first person in a long time to show me kindness. It made sense that I easily opened up my heart to him again. 

We rekindled our love and started dating again. He was there for me in a way I didn’t know I needed someone to be for me. He supported me financially, but emotionally, he was quite detached. I didn’t complain. I felt his money helped me not to depend on my parents as much as I used to. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t last for long. Kwetso disappeared after two months. No texts. No calls. He just ghosted me. I felt hurt thinking about what I must have done to push him away. But once again, what could I have done? I had to give up on him and focus on healing. 

Three months later, I reconnected with my childhood sweetheart, David, on TikTok. Just like Kwetso, he too was excited to hear from me again. He said he never stopped thinking of me. I answered all his questions honestly. I let him know about my situation with my child and my family. 

He asked if I would consider giving him another chance to be my sweetheart. I said why not? Unlike Kwetso, he didn’t have a job. He was in medical school so he couldn’t support me financially. However, he was there for me emotionally. I felt safe with him. I just wasn’t sure if he wanted me in the future. 

Just one month into our relationship, Kwetso returned. He didn’t apologize for ghosting me, but he started sending me money regularly. Just as before, there was no emotional support from him. However, he put constant pressure on me to move in with him so we would live as husband and wife. I didn’t want to, but he was quite persistent. Eventually, I gave in.

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I left home with my child without telling my family or even David. It took a month before I reached out to the two parties: my folks and my childhood sweetheart. They accepted my decision, but I regretted it.

The marriage turned out to be tormenting. He never hit me, but I was emotionally and mentally drained. I confided in David, and he continued to be there for me, offering comfort and even financial help, while Kwetso showed no concern for my well-being.

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When he lost his job, he sold the shop I was managing. We had to move in with his family. It was far from happy. He allowed his mother and brothers to control our lives. His mother even demanded that I raise my child according to her rules, especially since he hadn’t told them he wasn’t the biological father.

Things got worse. I shared everything with my family and my childhood sweetheart. They all advised me to walk away, and I did. But my Kwetso wouldn’t stop calling and sending emotional messages, promising to change. I believed him and went back. Now I’m here again, but nothing has changed. In fact, he has gotten worse. He has started threatening to kill me if I leave. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. What if I leave and he follows through with his threats? I need help.

—Nubia

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