When you can’t express your pain the same way you feel it, it hurts even more because only you can understand the depths of the wounds in your heart. No one can see it, let alone help you stop the bleeding.

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Kofi’s silent treatment is one kind of pain I never thought I could contend with. He acts as though my presence adds to his problems. The last time I was at his place, for instance, I was excited as I waited to see him. He wasn’t home but I didn’t mind. All that mattered was that he would be home soon.

The whole day passed but I continued to wait. It was so late into the night when I heard the sound of his motorbike. My heart jumped with excitement as I rushed to the door to meet him. You would think I was a child whose mother just got home.

I opened my arms to hug him but he walked right past me as if I was invisible. He did not greet me. He did not smile at me, not even a fake smile. When I tried to talk to him, his voice was hard and cold.

Still, I didn’t stay away. I sat at his feet. I understood he must have had a stressful day and was tired. That’s how he is when he is busy. He becomes hostile. As if he has no use for a partner.

I try to understand him but his behaviour hurts. I am human too but I don’t think he remembers that. I don’t expect him to give me his full attention during this period, but at least just make me feel seen. Appreciate my little efforts to ease his burdens. Even if I’m not the perfect woman, I know I am trying.

There are things I go through that I am not able to tell him. The other day I got scammed in my business. It was a devastating experience. I cried and wished I could turn back the hands of time but what’s done cannot be undone. I lost so much of people’s money.

I haven’t recovered to date, but I tried everything possible to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to stress him more than his project was already stressing him. Even the money I am meant to pay for school, I used it to repay some of the debts I incurred from being scammed. I wish I could share all this with him but he doesn’t make room for me to do so.

If the relationship is not about him then it doesn’t matter. Back to the last time I was at his place. All I asked was that he should talk to me. “I am here for you as always.”

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I didn’t know my presence was that irritating. He got angry and slapped me across the face. Then he carried me out of his house and asked me to leave him alone.

That was when I knew that indeed, I had overstayed my welcome in the relationship. Getting hit by a man has always been a deal-breaker for me. The slap might have felt like nothing to you, but it replays in my mind every single day.

It’s making me question my worth. Is my character so bad that he had to resort to violence instead of telling me, “Babe, go home, I want to be alone”?

I have decided that I am taking a break from him. I need to work on myself and readjust my life so that something like this never happens to me again.

—Janice 

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