I met Kofi when I was eighteen years old. I was sent on an errand on that fateful day. He was the one who saw me first and spoke to me. He said, “Hello pretty, can I have your number?” In hindsight, it was a very cheesy pickup line. If I hadn’t liked him the instant I saw him, I would have ignored him. But I did like him so I gave my number to him. I went home expecting his call but it never came. I was a little disappointed whenever my phone rang and it wasn’t him. But I didn’t have any way to reach him so I just hoped he would call eventually.

One day I was sent on an errand again when I ran into him again. We said hello to each other, and I asked him, “Why didn’t you call me? Did you lose my number?” He said, “No, I didn’t lose your number. I will text you later today, don’t worry.” And true to his words, he texted me that evening. That was the beginning of our friendship. We consistently spoke for three months, and in the third month, he declared that he was in love with me. I had also fallen in love with him but told him we couldn’t be together. Fear made me say that. I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me, no, I trusted him. It was my parents I was afraid of. My dad used to abuse me physically, verbally, and emotionally. So, I was scared of what he might do if he found out I had a boyfriend.

However, as I spent more time talking to Kofi, my love for him intensified. And I became so overwhelmed with my emotions that I said, “Okay, my desire for you is consuming me and I can’t take it anymore. I want to be your girlfriend if you still want me.” He was happy to hear me utter those words because he still wanted me. I gave my best to the relationship and did not care if my family found out. And they found out.

Initially, they were not bothered that I was dating Kofi. Then along the line, a man who lived abroad came to the country looking for a wife. He knew my family so they decided that I was the perfect wife material for him. But I was not interested in the “Borga”. That angered them and filled them with hate against Kofi. They blamed him for my refusal to seize the opportunity to better my life by accepting to marry a rich man. In their words, “You are throwing away a bright future because you are holding on to a bleak future with this Kofi guy.”

My father told me that I was no longer his daughter. My sister got angry and stopped speaking to me. As for my mother, hers was worse. She told me, “I pray that you get pregnant and end up selling sachet water on the streets. So that you will go hungry and no one will support you. Then you will know that you made a mistake by choosing Kofi.” They did all this but I still stood firm in my decision until the “Borga” gave up and married another woman.

When that happened, my father followed through with his threats and washed his hands off me. He stopped taking care of my needs, and so did my mum. I ended up relying on my boyfriend for everything, and he took care of me without complaining. And despite all his efforts, my family still hates him. Now, he earns more money than he used to, but they are unimpressed. They are instead saying that he has gone for money rituals. They are determined never to welcome him into the family. I am also determined not to let him go.

How do they expect me to turn my back on a man who has been nothing but good to me? Kofi is the kind of man who would give me his last pesewa if I need it. He has stayed true to me. He was the shoulder I leaned on when everyone in my family turned their backs on me. And I love him too much to even consider giving up on him.

My father is still not talking to me. He said, “The fact that you are going against me after all my protests mean that you don’t respect me.” People are also telling me that going against my father will bring curses to my life, and now I am scared they may be right.

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No one seems to notice how helpful my boyfriend has been. When I was sick and needed money to go to the hospital, my family didn’t care. It was my boyfriend who came through for me. While my father was hellbent on starving me, Kofi provided me with money for food. His love gave me the courage to stand up to my father. I am currently twenty-two, and he still tries to hit me as if I am a child. But I won’t allow him to do that anymore. I also retaliate when he insults me. I am no longer the little girl who quaked with fear at the thought of his anger. And it’s all because Kofi showed me that love does not inflict pain. Instead of dad acknowledging that I am reacting to his abuse out of pain, he is rather accusing me of being disrespectful to him because of Kofi.

I am thinking about my future with my boyfriend, and I wonder if we will be happy despite all the hate we are facing from my people. I love him so much that I cannot imagine my life without him but I am also scared that I may invite curses into my life if I go against my father’s wishes and stick to him. Where will I find a man with a heart as pure as his, if I let him go out of fear? Why should I be cursed because I chose love over hate? I feel so confused. Please I need advice.

—Ama

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