I used to see her around but I never got the courage to talk to her. I would just admire her from afar and go my way. Her workplace was right where I live so I saw her everyday. Sometimes I would feel strongly to talk to her but I would say, “The timing is not right. Let me wait small.” I kept doing this until one day I saw her walking home from work. I was on my motorbike so I offered her a lift. I was so happy when she accepted it.

That day I took her home. On the way, we had interesting conversations. This is someone I had always wanted to know. So I was happy for the opportunity to get to know her. The vibe between us flowed easily. By the time I dropped her off, we had become friends.

As time went on, we became close. People didn’t understand that a man and a woman could be just friends. Sometimes they would see us and ask, “Are you people together? You make such a beautiful couple.” We didn’t want to waste time explaining that we are best friends so we would just nod and say, “Yes, we are a couple.” It didn’t shut them up but it kept them out of our business.

Anne became a part of my life to the point where I don’t think about anybody else. We would spend hours talking on the phone. And we spent a lot of physical time together. We shared ideas on how to make our lives better. She encouraged me to embark on projects and chase what I want. I also pushed her to be the best version of herself.

We were perfectly happy in each other’s company as friends until I woke up and noticed that I was catching feelings for Annie. That’s even putting it lightly. I was actually falling in love with her. That’s why I didn’t have eyes for any other woman.

I tried to contain my feelings for her but the heart wants what it wants. Yet I was worried about how it would affect our relationship if I confessed my feelings to him. I would think about it repeatedly until I convinced myself that it was a bad idea. But you know how love works, the more you conceal it, the bigger it fills your heart.

One day we were having a conversation when I blurted out, “Will you be my girlfriend? I didn’t mean to ask like this but I am overcome by my love for you.” Annie paused for a minute before saying, “I am so sorry Joe. I have never thought of you like that. Besides, I have a boyfriend. So let’s just be friends, okay?” I was disappointed but I accepted her friendship. I felt it was better than not having her at all.

Although I know she is not single and available to me, I am not able to move on from her. Whenever I start to talk to another woman, I feel like I am cheating on Annie. It sounds crazy, I know. My mind believes I should move on but my heart refused to give up.

It’s been a year and a half since she told me she has a man, but I still don’t have a girlfriend. The other day we were talking when she announced, “Joe, my boyfriend and I are planning our wedding. We will be married soon. I can’t wait to be his Mrs Annie.” I gathered all my enthusiasm and uttered the words, “Oh wow! I am happy for you. Congratulations!” But my heart screamed, “Why didn’t you choose me? You could be my Mrs Annie too.”

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I have not been the same since we’ve had that conversation. My heart is in agony. She is going to be with another man for the rest of their lives, and I will be here trying to mend a broken heart.

I Can’t Live A Day Without A Boyfriend | Silent Beads

I used to hope that she would come to me someday, but now I know that I have lost her forever. What kills me is the fact that she has started withdrawing from me. I can handle seeing her happy with someone else. What I cannot handle is living in a world where she is not my friend.

I want to tell her not to throw away our friendship just because she is getting married. I want her to know that I will never do anything to hurt her or ruin her happiness. I will respect her boundaries as long as she will stay in my life. Is it a good idea to do this? Or should I let her go? Please help me.

—Joe

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