One moment you are beaming with smiles on your wedding day. You listen to all the well wishes your family and friends say to you and you are certain your marriage is truly going to be a rosy one. Then you look at your partner and wonder, “Look at how happy we are. What could possibly go wrong?” In that moment, you feel the world cheering you on and you believe you have won some kind of trophy for finding love in the perfect man. That is exactly how I felt when my husband and I got married.

I thought our marital problems would be something as mundane as lover’s quarrels that would lead to hot make-up sex. What I didn’t know is that my marital bed would be covered in thorns instead of rose petals. I did not anticipate that my husband would be having a lot of shuperu in our marriage with or without my involvement. Yes, that’s right. The first time I caught him was when he brought a woman home and introduced her to me as his friend. He told me, “She is a good friend of mine, and I am hoping you two will get along very well.”

As naive as I was, I received her warmly. And I opened up my home to her believing that she was no threat to my marriage. So imagine how betrayed I felt when I found out that my husband was sleeping with that woman. They could have stuck a knife in my back and it wouldn’t have hurt that much.

After I caught them I stopped seeing her around. He apologized and blamed the devil for his actions, but I am not one to be fooled twice. I wish I could easily leave him but I couldn’t. We have two beautiful children together. And although I work and earn a monthly salary in the government sector, I am not financially independent enough to leave the marriage with two children. So my plan is to stay with him and keep an eagle eye on him.

Through my keen eyes, I have discovered that my husband is actually sleeping with multiple women. The one he brought home is nothing compared to the other ones he keeps outside. He even rented a two-bedroom self contain apartment for one of the girls. Later I found out that he bought a car for the same girl. There are a few others he keeps strictly for shuperu. Whenever it is their birthdays, he organizes parties to celebrate them. This time around when I confronted him, he did not even pretend to care. There was no regret or remorse in the way he responded to me. He merely shrugged and told me, “It seems you have all the information. So what more do you want me to tell you?”

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After finding all these things out I know that my marriage is beyond saving. My husband now belongs to the streets. There is nothing I can do to reclaim him. And so for the sake of my own safety, I no longer sleep with him. If he wants to share his body with multiple partners and contract STDs that’s his problem. I will not risk my health by allowing him to touch me intimately.

I think I would have coexisted with him peacefully and turned a blind eye to his infidelities until I gather enough money to leave him.  However, my husband further disrespects me by saying insulting things about me to his side chicks, and they mock me. He makes plans with them as if I am not in the picture. When some of them ask, “What about your wife? Won’t she complain?” He would say something demeaning about me and laugh. And they would also laugh. So now I am a bad joke he tells his girls in order to feel like the man in charge. How can you do that? How can you mock your wife and the mother of your children in front of some girls you are sleeping with? In what world is this right?

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This is why I need him to feel pain and writhe in agony for everything he has done to me. I need to make him cry and rue the day he was born. I need the kind of revenge that will take years of therapy before he recovers. I need him to not look at another woman again without thinking about the misery he suffered at my hands.

When I am financially sound enough to stand on my feet without his assistance, I will file for a divorce. But until then, I still live with him and talk to him as if all is forgiven. We do everything married couples do except shuperu. So he won’t see it coming when I hurt him back. This is why I am looking for ideas on how to unleash irreversible torment on him. Please I need your help.

–Iyah

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