Last year, sometime in August, I had a fatal accident at work that required me to undergo surgery. I am a registered midwife with 11 years of working experience. The surgery went well, but I am currently undergoing physiotherapy so that I can begin to walk properly again. My husband has been very supportive, helping me with my movement, taking me to all my appointments, helping with the house chores, taking care of the kids, and generally making sure I am okay. For that, I am thankful.
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But I am not happy at all. First of all, we got married because I got pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant, I was open-minded about whatever decision we would make. If he had suggested that we terminate the pregnancy, I was willing to consider it. I wasn’t expecting marriage just because I was pregnant. I needed him to sit with me, talk to me, and tell me which road he wanted us to take.
He told me that getting married was the right thing to do. He wanted our child to be born into a stable home and not be born out of wedlock. I agreed, and we got married.
I took his surname, too. I know it is not exactly news. It is what is expected when a woman gets married, but honestly, I didn’t want to do it. I had always wanted to hold on to my surname because, to me, it represented my identity. I had spent years building my own life, career, and name.
He knew how strongly I felt about it, but he convinced me to take his surname. His argument was that if an opportunity came for us to travel outside the country, having the same surname would make things easier with our documents and everything else. At the time, I listened to him. Maybe I was trying to make the marriage work. Maybe I thought these little compromises would eventually make me feel more like a wife and less like someone who had simply entered a marriage because she got pregnant.
Here is the thing. My husband has been frequently visiting hookups. I eventually found out, and surprisingly, it did not hurt me as much as I thought it would. Maybe after everything we have been through, I have developed a certain kind of emotional strength. I simply don’t have the energy to go on a whirlwind with him over every woman he meets.
I have also tried on my end. I have made an effort to satisfy his needs whenever I can. I try to keep things between us alive, even with my physical limitations. I have sent him intimate pictures even though we live under the same roof. I have tried to remind him that I am still his wife and that I am still interested in us.
But apparently, none of that is enough for him. So he continues to visit these hookups.
My real problem is that I feel like my husband has emotionally checked out of this marriage while still keeping up appearances. It is painful to live with someone who is physically present but emotionally somewhere else. He can help me get out of bed, take me to physiotherapy, help with the children, and make sure things are running at home, but I still feel a distance between us that I cannot explain away.
I wonder if we are actually a married couple or two people who have responsibilities to each other. I know I can be stubborn. I can be sarcastic sometimes, and I am not pretending to be the easiest person to live with. But one thing I know about myself is that I am honest and loyal to the end.
I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone
If I am married to someone, that is where my heart and my commitment remain. I wouldn’t entertain an ex or another man in that manner while I am still married. I have a husband who has stood by me through one of the most difficult periods of my life, and for that, I am grateful. But at the same time, I feel like I am slowly losing the marriage itself. Am I doing something wrong
—Loise
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