The story in my family has it that my mother gave birth to me when she was twenty years old. She and my father were not married when they gave birth to me. My father was reluctant to marry my mother but his family kind of pushed him to marry her. They didn’t have a bad marriage. The story has it that they were constantly happy until the issues of a second child came in.

They tried all they could and didn’t get another. They took herbal drugs, went to great men of God, and even tried soothsayers. Nothing happened for them. They told me that at some point, people started blaming me, calling me a witch for blocking my mother’s womb. They said it’s because I want to be the only child of my parents that’s why I blocked my mother’s womb. They accepted their fate—that they were meant to have only one kid.

When I was a girl, there was nothing in this world my parents didn’t do for me. They got me everything and took me to the best schools. I wasn’t a clever child but they pushed me to learn so I can get into good schools. In return for their good deeds towards me, I also did whatever they asked me to. I worked my way into the job they wanted me to do. I worked hard to maintain the position they wanted me to have in our church. They only have to tell me to do this or that and I will go the extra mile to do it just to make them happy.

I was twenty-six when they started asking me about marriage. “Yaa, when are you going to get married? You’re growing ooo. Boyfriend koraa wo nni bi so when are you going to get married.” The truth is, I had a boyfriend but they didn’t know him. I was bidding my time with him to ensure he was the right one for me. I dated him for two years until I realized the relationship wouldn’t work so I left.

I was twenty-seven and single when my parents invited their friend’s son home. The guy was good-looking and well-mannered. I liked him the very moment I saw him but when I realized the intention of my parents, all the like I had for him vanished. They brought him to the house to introduce him to me so we could date. I was so embarrassed I didn’t want to look at the boy again. Hard as they tried, they couldn’t get me to like the guy. I told my parents, “There’s no need to rush this. I’ll get the best in-law for you. What have you asked of me that I didn’t deliver?” My mom said, “You’re twenty-seven. When I was your age, I had dated your dad for two years, given birth to you, and had married him for five years.”

They wouldn’t let me have my peace in the house. When I went out and I stayed late, my dad would call and say, “This that you’re out this late, I hope it’s a man who is keeping you late ooo.” When they saw me talking to a guy after church, my dad would intentionally walk to where we are standing and cough. At some point, I started getting angry. I discussed it with my mother’s brother and he said, “If you can, leave the house. After all, you’re working and can rent a place so why stay there for them to frustrate you.”

I paid for a place without telling them. I knew if I told them and they told me not to leave, I would listen to them. Paying for the place was an investment I couldn’t let go of. When I told them I was leaving the house, they fought the idea with all their strength. They said, “Your husband should come and take you away from your parents’ house not from a place you’ve rented. I wasn’t ready to listen to them. I was moving. When they realized I wasn’t going to obey them, they calmed down and instead helped me pack my things.

They went with me to see where I was going to live and helped me arranged the place. Two months after I’d left the house, my mom called me one morning that she was at my door. I opened the door to see her carrying her bags as if she had been sacked from her house. She said, “I’d come to spend some days with you. It’s not good to stay here all alone. She stayed for one week and all through the week, I received lectures on how to attract a man; “You see, you have to come down to the level of a man before you can get him to look at you. If you portray yourself as a very strong character who has everything, it would push them away. Men don’t want a woman they can’t control. Be controllable to attract your man.”

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A month after she had gone, I heard another knock on my door. It was my dad. He too came with a bag that looked like he was going on hiking. He said, “Once in a while we have to visit to see that you’re doing well.” He stayed for five days and he also lectured me on the need to make myself available to be seen by men. “Yaa, wo pɛ dan mu shɛ

dodow. Go out there. Go to church. You’re a good singer, sing in church. Be noticed. The way you’re doing your things if you don’t take care, things would be hard oo.”

On my 30th birthday last month, I was getting ready to step out when the two of them walked in. I said, “You guys, don’t you know how to pre-inform before visiting someone?” My dad said, “We brought you a birthday gift, that’s all.” That’s one good thing about them, I’ve always received good gifts from them on my birthday. I thought they’ll leave but they didn’t. At 12am I felt a tap on my thighs. My mom. She said, “Come to the hall and let’s pray.” “At this time?” I protested. She said, “This is the right time to pray to God. The prayer traffic is mostly low at this time so when you pray, God hears easily.”

From 12am to 6am, we prayed until I couldn’t hear my own voice. Guess what the prayer topic was. Yeah, you got it correct. I don’t even need to say it. Asɛm oo.

I thought I was running away from their noise but they found a way to send the noise on delivery without delivery charge. Now I see their calls and I don’t want to answer. I hear a knock on my door and my heart skips a beat. I want to even relocate because it’s becoming too much for me. I’m doing well in my career. They ask for money and the next minute they receive it. I thought that should be the blessing they should count and name one by one but no. They are looking for what’s not there to feel blessed. How do I deal with them? How Do I get them to understand that marriage isn’t the most important thing in the world? Most importantly, how do I get them off my back?

–Yaa Animah

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