The man I am currently dating came into my life at the lowest point I had ever known. I was practically the living dead when I met him. He promised he would hold my hand and sweep me off my feet, and because I desperately needed saving, I allowed him the chance to prove it. To his credit, he actually did save me.

Somewhere along the way, we started dating. Months later, we are having problems already

When I confronted him, he mentioned that he was afraid that now I was healed, I would go back to my ex. I laughed when he said it because if there was anything I was doing, it was running away from my ex, not toward him. I could not understand where such an assumption had come from.

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He traced it back to a conversation we had while I was visiting him at his office. We were joking around when he noticed me laughing at something on my phone and asked who had made me laugh. He then asked if it was my ex. I replied, “If things had been good between my ex and me, I wouldn’t be here with you. You wouldn’t even have gotten a chance.”

What I meant was simple. If my previous relationship had worked out, our paths would never have crossed. That was how he convinced himself that I was merely using him to pass the time until my ex came back, and that the moment he did, I would run straight back into his arms.

He knew everything I had gone through, which is why I struggled to understand why he would hold onto these assumptions instead of talking to me about them. Why behave as though I was immature or dishonest when he could have communicated his fears openly?

During his back and forth, I was also leaning on the fact that at his workplace he had been hitting on different girls in skirts, short or long, and he would then turn that same attention toward me. He denied it every time I brought it up, and this too added to the list of things we were fighting about.

The relationship began to suffer.

We no longer talked the way we used to, and whenever I made the effort to call or reach out, he rarely matched my energy. We were becoming resentful, arguing over small things that probably would not have mattered before.

I took my annual leave last year and went on a trip we had planned together for months. We talked about it endlessly, imagined what we would do there, and looked forward to it as something we would experience side by side.

When the time drew near, he came up with excuses. I refused to let that stop me from taking the break I needed. I booked the flight, reserved the hotel, and travelled alone for what turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life.

While I was there, I intentionally kept my distance from him. Part of me wanted him to miss me, but another part needed space to think. We had planned that trip together, and despite all our problems, I felt he could have just come along with me so that we could rekindle the relationship.

Because of this same vacation, he accused me of cheating. “If you didn’t go with me, it means you went with someone else, and that is why you ignored me.”

Fast forward to between December 2025 and January this year. We sat down several times and had long, honest conversations about what we expect from each other. I was very clear about my needs.

My own was very simple: “I want love, affection, and respect. I am a self-sufficient and independent woman, but that does not mean I do not need emotional connection. I need it.”

We met on two occasions, and it was fireworks until I sensed detachment again. My messages took minutes, then hours, to be replied to, and his messages carried a strong sense of him withdrawing.

All efforts to get him to reason with me have proven futile because, to him, all is well. “You are stressing over things that are not there. We are okay.” The condescending way he addresses me, the lack of affection and attention, is glaring, yet he refuses to acknowledge it, saying it is work pressure.

My messages are left unreplied, but he is someone constantly on his phone. Calls from him are scarce, yet his number is always busy.

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A few days ago, he mentioned my full name in public in such a condescending manner, as if to prove to bystanders that there is nothing between us.

I flared up and told him never to address me in public like that again because the last time I called him by his first name, he warned me never to try that again. Now the distance has widened once more, and I think I am okay.

I was only wondering if I should apologize for telling him not to address me like that again. I do not want the relationship anymore, but I do not want it to end in chaos.

—Richeal
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