I am 27, and I am dating a man who is ten years older than me. He is 37, and it is not a problem at all because age is just a number.
He doesn’t give me that detached or careless vibe people often associate with men in their thirties, and that makes all the difference.
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He treats me so well, and my life feels lighter and happier because of him. I’ve had a smile on my face almost every day since we met, and the feeling is out of this world. We are just two adults who know what they want, and we are not caught up in the drama that relationships seem to carry these days.
He is a business owner with a large staff, and his schedule is always packed. He runs from one meeting to the next, but somehow he still makes time for me and for us.
I love that we talk about everything, and we compromise when we need to. We work through our differences together, and that makes me feel safe.
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In all this bliss, there is a big problem.
The problem is that he is a divorcee, and although he is traditionally divorced, his ex-wife is still dragging him through court. She is fighting for a bigger share of his company, and she wants some of his properties too. He started the business before their marriage, but that hasn’t stopped her from trying to claim more. It has been a lot to watch, and there is so much back and forth and uncertainty.
But I don’t understand why I have to suffer for one woman’s mistake. He says he never wants to get legally married again, and he is okay with a traditional marriage. He just doesn’t want anything to do with the court system, and that’s where we don’t see eye to eye.
I want a life with this man, and I believe he wants one with me. So I tried to find a middle ground, and I suggested a prenuptial agreement. I told him I would gladly sign one to protect his life’s work, and I meant it because I want him to have peace of mind.
On an intellectual level, I understand his stance completely, and I know the court case has been dragging on for years. Anyone would be traumatized by that, and I don’t blame him. But what about me, and what about us? Why can’t I be legally recognized as his wife, especially when I’m not asking for anything that isn’t fair?
I’m not after his money, and I never have been. I have a 9-to-5 job with an international company, and I earn well. I’m still building my own business and investments, but I am comfortable with where I am.
My concern is everything that a legal union represents, and I think that matters more than people realize.
It is about security for me and for our future children, and it is about being recognized as a couple in the eyes of the law. Legal marriage affects things like international travel, medical decisions, and inheritance, and those are things I can’t ignore. We all know how some families fight over property after death, and I don’t want to be left unprotected. What happens to everything we’ve worked for together if I’m not legally part of his life?
He won’t let me sign a prenup, and I’m not sure he’s even thinking of another way to meet me halfway. I just want the security that legal marriage provides, and I want the law to recognize me as his wife in case life throws anything unexpected at us.
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So now I’m torn, and I don’t know what to do. Do I leave a man I love deeply, someone with whom I share a rare connection, or do I stay and keep praying that he changes his mind? My fear is that he never will, and I don’t want to keep waiting for something that may never happen.
Which is better? I’m a girl in love, and right now the big picture feels blurry, and I wish I had the answers.
—Becky
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My sister allow him to face this problem alone because there is absolutely nothing you can do EXCEPT your PRAYERS to support him spiritually. Whether the man has his business before their marriage or after, live that side for the court to decide. NEVER MADE IT KNOWN TO HIM THAT YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE EX WIFE DEMAND ELSE HE WOULD THINK YOU ARE ALSO IN THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WILL GET IN THE END.
Please before you enter into a marriage, as you said earlier, think about your children and the future of the relationship. He because of his ex he doesn’t trust you then there is no need to marry you because no matter how hard you try he won’t see you different. Since you have a stable income that’s appreciative, kindly walk out if he won’t change his mind. Don’t follow your heart and remember if there is no life there is no love. Don’t make a mistake your children will blame you forever in case he dies and they get no share of his properties. There are more loyal men out there.
All I have to say is that love alone is not enough. You getting married to him without him solving the problems around him will lead to chaos which will affect your life and that of your children. But if you want to still marry him then make properties in your name and that of your children. I.e with your own money . Two don’t make any joint properties with him because it will lead to trouble. All in consult your parents before taking any action. Humans can’t be trusted including your man so look out for yourself .
You have to walk his path to fully appreciate his frustration! Marriage tends to give people a bloated sense of entitlement and weigh on an otherwise beautiful relationship. Prenup is an option but retains the rigidities of a formal marriage. So, you see his is not about property rights. A traditional or customary marriage is recognized by the law and valid. The difference is that it is potentially polygamous. It’s a tough call but I say take a leap of faith and follow your heart. The opportunity of true love avails but a few!
I am a lawyer. There are so many preconceptions about traditional marriage under the law and marriage under ordinance as you term it as legal marriage. The marriage under ordinance only give you security as to the man marrying one wife or woman. A man’s property or a woman’s property made during his lifetime cannot be taking by family members if the marriage is traditional or not. Whether you are married under the law or traditional marriage, a deceased spouse properties in the absence of a will is shared under the PNDC law 111. A marital property whether or not the marriage is under the law or traditional marriage is guided by the marriages Act and the court will always share properties equitably and not 50:50 as people presumed. So please your only security of marriage under the law is to protect you from the man marrying another woman as a wife. A man can even have girlfriends or concubine with children but once there is no marriage the law will not act. Marriage under the law has nothing to do with inheritance or sharing of a spousal property.