I was twenty-four when I met Kwabena. I am not one to date for fun so I took the relationship seriously. I did everything a woman would to prove to a man that she could take care of a home, yet Kwabena did not seem impressed enough by my efforts. He treated it as just a regular Tuesday in the relationship. Meanwhile, all I was trying to do was prove to him that I was a good wife material. While I was ready for us to start talking and making plans for our future, he only wanted to live in the moment.

I thought about the nature of our relationship and realized we were not on the same page. We both wanted completely different things. The only thing he believed I was good for, was to give him a child. He talked about it often but he never proposed marriage. So I made the difficult decision to walk away from him. This was in 2020.

As I was leaving the relationship, I reconnected with an old friend, Tonie. Tonie and I used to talk in 2016 and 2017 thereabouts. We never met in person but we talked often on the phone. One day we had a phone conversation that I believe rubbed him the wrong way. I don’t know what I said to upset him but he stopped answering my calls after that. I texted him asking if I upset him but he did not respond. After several months, he texted me on Instagram but I never entertained him. It was just the usual exchange of pleasantries.

However, in March 2020, things changed after I posted my picture on Instagram. He reacted to it and sent me a message saying, “Ewura, I have lost your number. Can you send it to me?” This time I was ready to be his friend again but I did not rush to give him the number. First, I told him; “I don’t want you to play games with me. If you ghost me again, it will be the last time you hear from me.” He promised me that he wouldn’t do that again. The next thing I asked him was, “So why did you ghost me in the first place?” He said he had just relocated abroad and he was trying to find his feet over there so it took a toll on him. Whether he was lying or telling the truth, I had no way of finding out. Therefore, I believed him.

In the course of our friendship, he went to South Africa to do some work. They were supposed to spend two weeks on the job but his team got everything done within a week. Instead of spending the remaining week in S.A or the U.K. where he lived, I suggested he come to Ghana instead. And for the first time since we started talking seven years ago, I met him.

It was when he came to Ghana that my feelings for him grew more intense. We spent moments together that were magical. Before he left for Ghana I asked him if we could go beyond friendship and start a romantic relationship. He smiled and said, “Yes. I was going to ask you the same thing.” It’s been a year and four months since we’ve been together, and things are going well on paper.

They say communication is the key to building a successful relationship. This is why we talk every single day despite his busy schedule and mine. Sometimes we make video calls. Other times too, we just settle for voice calls. There are days that we fight when we talk. And on some days, it feels like a tedious task to go for days without talking to each other.

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Despite all our efforts to make the long-distance relationship work, I don’t think he loves me as much as I love him. Whenever we talk, I’m always the one who asks about the future. I am always the one who reminds him of how much I love him and want to be with him. When I say, “I love you,” he responds, “I love you too.” However, when he wants to be the first to say it, he uses love emojis instead.

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When I talk about our future he responds positively, but that’s all. He has never initiated conversations about our future together. He hasn’t asked me any questions that show that he is interested in me beyond now. It feels like he is not on the same page with me. It is as if I am experiencing Kwabena all over again. Is one year and four months not enough to decide if you want a future with someone?

We are planning to meet in UAE next month, but I want to know where I stand in his life before that meeting happens. I am wondering if all this is happening because I did not wait for him to propose to me first. Maybe because I made the first move, he has left the wheels of the relationship for me to steer. Or could it be that he already has someone there and doesn’t know how to tell me? I have a lot of questions to ask him but a part of me wants to wait till we are together to ask him. Is that a good idea? or I should ask him now and know my stand before I go and meet him? What do I do?

—Athena

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