I met Sonia when I was doing my national service. I was assigned to her school to help register students for their voter ID cards in 2020. Almost five years later and we are still together. I wish I could say we are going strong but the news is not pleasant. In fact, I threw her out of my house a few weeks ago. Now, let me tell you how it happened.

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A while back, I found out that she was chatting with a married man who lives abroad. They text, make video calls, and talk frequently via phone calls. The frequency of their communication unsettled me. Regardless, I did not jump to conclusions. I calmly asked her, “What’s going on between you and this married man?”

“At first, he was helping me travel abroad,” she explained, “but with time, he fell in love with me. He told me about his feelings but I rejected him.”

I asked why she was still talking to him if she knew what he wanted. That was when she promised she would stop talking to him. Truly, she did.

Throughout that time, we were living together. As time passed, we relocated to a new place at Spintex. It was supposed to be a new beginning but Sonia fell back into old habits. She started talking to someone new. This person is also a married man who lives abroad. She even got a job through the guy’s mother. So she was close to his mother as well.

I didn’t know all this was going on. The only thing I noted was that she was always glued to her phone. I complained. I asked her to detach from her phone and stay present with me. She ignored me. Everything she did had her present with her phone. Even when she was eating, cooking, and washing.

According to her, “I have to keep myself occupied because you give me attitude. You don’t talk to me. Even when I talk to you, you don’t respond.”

I admit that sometimes I’m quiet and moody, but it’s because I come home tired and stressed from work. I’ve explained this to her so I expected her to understand me. It turned out she didn’t.

Out of curiosity I went through her phone again. That was when I found out about the new guy. What triggered me was, the guy travelled, and she texted him to check if he had a safe flight. This is something she doesn’t even do for me when I leave for work. I was hurt to know she was doing it for someone who lives afar.

I’ve always known her phone password since we use the same one, and she knows I occasionally check her phone. But that night, after she ended a video call with the guy and some friends, I asked to use her phone. When I tried unlocking it, I realised she had changed the password.

I asked her to unlock the phone. She refused. I told her she could either unlock it or leave the house. She chose not to unlock it, so I asked her to leave but she didn’t want to go. I have never done this in my life before but I was upset. So I ended up dragging her out. I’ve never laid hands on her in the five years we’ve been together, but that night, I wanted her to understand I was not going to tolerate her entertaining other men while we lived together.

While waiting for an Uber at the gate, she called her friend and told her what happened. Her friend asked why she hadn’t unlocked the phone, and she just said, “ɛyɛ nkwaseasɛm.” To say that requesting accountability from her was foolish of me bothered me. She even accused me of changing my password, which was not true. In fact, I gave her my phone and told her to try the same password, but she refused.

I knew she wouldn’t tell her friend the whole truth, so I found that friend on TikTok, asked her for her contact, and explained everything that happened that same night. I even sent her the guy’s number to prove what I was saying.

I don’t usually involve people in my relationship because I’m an introvert and I’ve had bad experiences with that, but this time I felt I had to speak up.

At first, her friend was upset with me. But after hearing everything, she was speechless. She said she felt betrayed by my girlfriend. I didn’t care about her reaction; I just wanted the truth out. I asked her to let my Sonia know she caused the failure of our five-year relationship.

Instead of taking responsibility and apologising, she started bringing up things I did three or four years ago to justify her actions.

Anyway, after all the drama we talked. I have realised we still love each other. I apologised, and she also apologised. We got back together just this Monday.

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The problem now is, she says whenever she sees me, she remembers the way I threw her out and the things I said to her friends about her. “The memory makes me angry,” she told me, “sometimes I don’t even want to see you.”

I asked if she still loves me. She said yes. She is just not happy with how she feels when she remembers our drama.

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Honestly, I’m disappointed in myself. I admit that throwing her out was extreme and not reflective of the gentleman I believe I am. She wants me to help her get over her anger. I am trying. Last night, I didn’t sleep in the bedroom with her because I wanted to give her space. She tried to convince me to come join her, but I didn’t. Eventually, she refused to sleep alone, so we both slept in the hall.

I want us to move past this unpleasantness so we can get to a good place again. What can I do to get her to let go of her anger so that we can be happy?

—Kweku

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