My love for my ex vanished after she cheated on me countless times. Her behavior hurt me but I didn’t leave her. I had hope that eventually, she would change. However, as time went on I realized she would keep doing it as long as I keep forgiving her. So I walked away.
Barely a month after the breakup, a counsellor introduced me to a very decent young woman. Like me, she had her heart broken by a cheating ex. We bonded over our horrible past and started dating in a short while. We were perfect for each other.
We would talk, make jokes and do everything together. We have an open line of communication. There’s nothing we don’t talk about. It’s one of the reasons I love her so much. I told her everything about my past relationship, and she also discussed her five failed relationships with me. We agreed that we would put everything behind us and treat each other like we would our first love. There is this saying, “Love like you’ve never been hurt before.” That was the rule we chose to follow.
She helped and supported me in many ways. I also did the same for her. She is the kind of lady who makes relationships beautiful. From everything I have seen, I know she will make a good wife. She has shown me the kind of love that I have not seen before. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that someone could love me like wholeheartedly.
We had our problems, but we faced all of them and came out better and stronger. We know how it feels like to be taken for granted so we fought for each other all the time. Everyone in my life knows about her, seeing as I have used her photos as my profile photo on WhatsApp countless times. I have also posted her on my status and added strong captions that talk about my love for her.
So far my only problem with her is her insecurities. This thing was a cancer that ate away at our relationship. If I am with her and I mistakenly look at another woman, she wouldn’t talk to me until I apologized. One time she cried and called my mum and the counsellor who introduced us because she saw me chatting with my ex. She didn’t even ask why I was chatting with my ex. She just jumped to the worst-case scenario and started crying.
She would go through my gallery and cry when she sees photos of me with another woman. When she calls me and I am on a call, she would ask; “Who were you talking to? And what did you talk about?” She would grill me until I tell her everything.
One day I sat her down and made a promise to her, “You don’t need to worry about me and another woman. You are enough for me. So please, tone down the jealousy. If it will make you feel better, you can take my phone and delete anything on it that makes you uncomfortable.” She assured me that she didn’t need to delete anything on my phone and that we should just go with the flow.
We were together one day when I received a call from a colleague who was newly posted to my department. We were yet to meet but she had some concerns about our work so she called me. As soon as the call ended my girlfriend told me, “I don’t want you to talk to that lady again. I have a feeling that she is not good.” I was so surprised that I told her, “That’s never going to happen. This is someone I will be working with. How can I not talk to her? Trust me, whether she is good or bad, I won’t be influenced by her.” She got angry and accused me of defending the lady. “You have degraded me by doing that,” she whined. I had to apologize to calm her down.
I didn’t want any more trouble with her so one day I asked for her permission to post a picture of a female friend on my status. She responded, “I have permitted you to post her but don’t use a caption that will hurt my feelings.” I thanked her and posted the photo.
When she saw the post she came at me with rants. She was angry that I captioned my friend’s photo, “Thank you for helping me when we were in school. God bless you and grant your heart desires.” She thinks I have something to do with my friend. All my explanations that the lady is just a friend fell on deaf ears. She said very hurtful words to me, and I also spoke harshly to her in the heat of anger.
Later, I apologized for the things I said and pleaded for her forgiveness. She, on the other hand, didn’t apologize for her part in the fight. All she said was, “You’ve spoken to me about my insecurities so I have changed. I will no longer be bothered by anything you do.” The next thing I realized, she ignored me for four days. I took a cue from that and also stopped calling and texting her.
I acted like I didn’t care but the entire time we didn’t talk, I was dying inside. One day I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I called her. “What’s going on with our relationship?” I asked. She brought up all the things I did in the past that upset her. “You said I am insecure, but has it occurred to you that you are also selfish?” She asked. It disturbed me that she thought of me as such.
In the heat of the moment, I said, “I think it’s best we go our separate ways.” That didn’t sit well with her. “Instead of you to think of a way around the problem you are suggesting we break up. You, let’s talk later,” she hung up.
I sat down and thought about everything and realized that I messed up. So I sent her a text in an attempt to apologize only to realize that she has blocked me. I asked the counsellor who introduced us to plead on my behalf but she told the counsellor that nothing will let her come back to me. She wouldn’t unblock me so I communicated to her through the counselor. But now the counsellor said she is tired of being our carrier-pigeon.
We Agreed To Be Friends With Benefit | Silent Beads
The next thing I did was to send my friend to apologize on my behalf, but that too didn’t yield any fruits. I want to go to her place but she lives very far from me. Besides, I work every day so I don’t have the time to go there.
I tried to involve her mother, but she already warned me to leave her mother out of it. Right now I am tired of sending people to beg her for me.
If I use a different number to call her and she hears my voice, she hangs up. It’s driving me crazy that I haven’t spoken to her in an entire week. I am wondering if I should wait for her to reach out to me. Or if I should accept the fact that I have lost her. Please, what do I do?
—Kwame
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#SB
Until you address her insecurities which drove you to end everything, you’ll always be an inch from a breakup. The second break up is likely to be more nasty. Your girlfriend seems to be manipulative and controlling. If this is all there is to the story the ask yourself if you can live with her if she never changes. If the answer is “No”, please run to save yourselves a future headache.
Kwame as3 wadane gyimii gyimii oooo , this wasn’t a relationship , this was slavery , she was in power more than you . You literally have to ask permission to post a common picture ?? And you are here asking for how you can get her back ??
Wise up bro , you are a good man , God knows that you haven’t done anything wrong . You should like a genuine guy , let this relationship be a lesson for you . Never let a woman control you , otherwise you will never be happy . This is a blessing in disguise , you were never happy in that relationship. If she has blocked you , just move on , when she tries to act nice after sometime them you give her attitude too .Bro you are too nice , excuse me to say but you are John !. I might sound harsh but I am being real .if any woman is hurt by a relationship , that person needs to heal before getting into another relationship .you are not a counsellor or therapist to help someone our of his or her insecurities , excuse me to say , you are not toxic as her ex was , so why should she cast her fears on you.
Move the fuck on and get a grip of your life, focus on your grind, when she realises how immature she is and she tries to contact you ,don’t answer her phone . If she calls with a different number and she mentions her name , hang up . If you see her coming in your direction move to the opposite direction . If you take these actions ,you will be a man for the first time in your life . She doesn’t need to explain anything to you for her immature character. If you even give her the chance to say for a minute ,you are a fool. I repeat never be a doormat all in the name of Love. I know my words are harsh but I am being real as a fellow man .
This is just a toxic relationship. You both need to move on. She’s has insecurities, she’s controlling and manipulative. You on the other hand is impulsive and a bit immature(excuse my language). There is no harmony in this relationship. She’s doing both of you a favour. Respect her decision
This is just a toxic relationship. You both need to move on. She’s has insecurities, she’s controlling and manipulative. You on the other hand is impulsive and a bit immature(excuse my language). There is no harmony in this relationship. She’s doing both of you a favour. Respect her decision
Why are you fooling yourself
My dear ,Pls run not of it, because it’s look like she controlling and manipulative so let be❤️
Pls forget her and move on bro
Well you story is so sad bro
.. But you can protect your feelings by showing her some little brotherhood caring not to much that will make you feel better
Kindly move on. Thank you.
Clearly, she is still being hunted by her past relationship filled with infidelity with her ex boyfriend. Emotionally not ready to be in a relationship. The two of you probably didn’t take time to ensure that your past issues were dealt with properly, hence the hitches in your current relationship. Bro, let go. She is literally taking the bitterness in her past relationship on you.
No one can understand a person who is insecure
It’s a different feeling , the thought of being hurt and betrayed is real crazy
If he truly loves her why don’t they sit down and straighten things because now at days guys have given women more reason to be insecure so no where is cool 😪