I saw him as a confident man, from the way he approached me. He didn’t say much, he allowed his body language to say the rest. He said he wanted my number and I have it to him. I shouldn’t have. Where I was working and the kind of work I was doing didn’t allow me to give my personal contact to clients but this one was different and I liked him so I gave him the number. He called right in front of me so I could have his number or maybe test and see if I gave him the right number. My phone rang from inside the cubicle. I told him, “I don’t have my phone here with me but I know the time so when I get it, I’ll see your number based on the time you called.”

I closed from work and forgot to save his contact but he called in the evening and I asked, “Please who’s this?” He started narrating his story, “I’m that handsome man you gave your number to this morning, remember? That cute guy who was wearing a white shirt on blue jeans. Come to think of it, how many people call you that you’ve forgotten about me so soon?” I laughed. I mentioned his name, “Godwin?” He said, “Oh, she still knows my name.” We had a very short conversation that evening but when he called the next morning and I told him I wasn’t going to work, we talked all day.

He had it. He had the kind of vibe I needed in a man, was very communicative and very humorous. He called often but texted more often. One evening after work, he called my phone and I answered. He told me, “I see you. Come straight, the red car on your left.” I jumped in and that ended up becoming our first date. It was late so he took me home. He opened doors for me, bade me goodnight and a few days later proposed to me. I said yes. It was easy to say yes because I felt within that short period I’d known him, he had been so open about himself.

He took me home to meet his mother. His father was abroad so I didn’t meet him. His dad and mom were no longer married and he talked about it with deep-seated regrets. How it happened. How it broke him and his other siblings. How he nearly failed his final exams because of that. I got to know he was strong and confident but he could be vulnerable too. I loved him more.

We dated for two months, four months getting to six months and this guy hadn’t made a move on me. I’d been to his place on several occasions and he had been to my place on several occasions too. I wasn’t getting it. He didn’t even talk about sex.

I told him, “I know a lot about you but it looks like there’s one thing you didn’t tell me about yourself, that you’re a catholic priest.” He was lost. “Me? A catholic father?” I answered, “Yes. You, a catholic father. If you’re not then why are you doing this with me? You were told at the seminary not to have sex so why are you dating me?” He got the point and burst out laughing. At first, his explanation was, “I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression. That I’m with you because of shuperu.”  And then he said,  “Yes I’m a man but sex isn’t my thing. I prefer to do it often with my wife than to do it with someone I call my girlfriend.”

I said, “Oh, I get it now. You’re not actually a catholic father. If I understand you clearly, you’re a Pentecost pastor who doesn’t want to sin until marriage.” He laughed because he found me funny but I was drumming home a point and the point was “I want to get intimate with the one I’m dating.” Once that point was clear, we started talking about each other’s fantasies when it comes to shuperu. He asked a lot of questions and I answered him honestly. I also did the same and he answered. He asked me, “So, do you want your man big or small or medium?” I answered, “Size really doesn’t matter to me. As far as the man is potent and he knows what he’s about, I’m good to go.”

I gave that answer hoping he wasn’t small because sometimes size matters to me. Something about my answer and how he reacted to it got me suspicious. He was too happy that I said what I said. He even went ahead to tell me, “I’ve met women whose sole priority is to have well-endowed men so no matter what you bring to the bedroom, they don’t appreciate it. They’ll say yes to you but would be cheating with someone on the side.” I asked, “Are you talking from experience?” He laughed my question away and I didn’t persist with it. The next time we met, we kissed. He was so good with it. He knew where to touch to complement the kiss.

A few days later, he was at my place. Passion got over the roof and we started. When it got to the critical point, he asked me, “Do you do it with the light on?” I was like, “Does it even matter? At this point, that’s not a question to ask. We ought to keep going.” He got up and went to turn off the light. When he came back, the first thing I did was to size up his war equipment in my hand. In my head, I was like, “Is that all? Is it fully grown for action or this is just the beginning?” I answered myself, “This can’t be everything. Maybe I should go on with the foreplay and the whole thing would manifest in its full glory.”

We had a very extensive one and he was very good at it but I kept checking to see if the thing was full. Brothers and sisters, that was all he had and it was all about it. It was fully grown for action. My heart was disappointed because it was too small than small. I mean it’s very tiny for a man his stature but I didn’t want to embarrass him so we got on with it. Dear, it was small but I wasn’t disappointed with how he used it. I could give him five over ten and that to me was enough. If I add his other qualities to it, I’ll grade him as a fully functional man I would love to spend my life with but something about that day didn’t sit right with him.

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He said I didn’t moan and I didn’t do anything to prove to him that I actually enjoyed it.  I told him, “I’m not the moaning time. I’m a silent worshipper and I prefer to enjoy it in perfect peace.” He didn’t believe me. He told me about his two exes who left him because of his size. I told him, “I’m glad they left. It’s the reason I found you and now that you’re here, we are stuck. We are not going anywhere because everything you have is perfect for me.” He asked me, “Are you saying this to make me feel better about myself?” I answered, “If the truth makes you feel better then I’m happy.”

Our troubles started on that day.

He doesn’t trust that I enjoy what he brings to the bedroom though it’s small. I’ve spent the few months trying my best to make him feel better. He sees my effort and thinks I’m patronizing him. So one day I had him in my mouth. I realized he was enjoying it so I put my A-game on just to blow his mind. He pulled away from me mid-action. He told me to stop. I asked, “Why should I? I thought you were enjoying it?” He answered embarrassingly, “I don’t like how it dangles hollowly in your mouth. It feels like there’s nothing in your mouth and I hate it.”

I was trying my best but I wasn’t faking it. I was doing everything to make him feel like the true man that he is but he doesn’t make my job easy. He’s small. When I put the tip in my mouth, there was nothing left to hold on to but I was doing everything else to ensure a good pleasure for him. It ended up in failure because he said he didn’t like how his equipment roamed freely in my mouth.

How can I make my mouth appear smaller so his equipment could be magnified? I’m trying but he won’t let the doubt in his head dissipate for him to come to the party no matter how small he is. He’s a good man and I’ll do everything to keep him. I’m not pretending. Sometimes I feel I’m doing too much to make him happy but my too much only triggers doubt in his head.

I asked him, “What should I do more often to make you feel that I’m not faking it? I understand you’ve been with a couple of women who didn’t make you feel like a man but I’m different. What is enough for me might not be enough for them. You don’t have to judge me because of what others did to you.” He listened to me and said nothing. So we’ve stopped having sex. He said he wants us to get married and I said I’m ready. He said by the end of this year and I told him, “It can even be tomorrow.”

The Reason Why My Wife Doesn’t Allow Me To Touch Her–Beads Media

I love him but I’m scared he’ll bring his self-doubt into marriage and he’ll spoil everything for us. So I’m asking what I should do to make him feel confident about himself without sounding like a fake. I feel I’m trying but not yielding results. No matter how you look at it, this is my first experience with a man like this so I don’t expect to get everything right. I can do what I can but currently, I’m failing at it and it makes me scared. I need answers. I want to marry him but I don’t want to marry his self-doubt and low self-esteem when it comes to shuperu.

—Julie

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