I met him through a friend while I was in my final year at nursing training college last year. He was not in my school. He is a teacher in one of the secondary schools in the Ashanti Region. He was quite sweet when I started talking to him. That was what I found interesting about him. His temper was also balanced, it appeared. I am an emotional person so I don’t like getting close to people who flare up easily. Robert was not like that. He is eleven years older than me and he acted so mature. This gave me the impression that he was a level-headed person.

Things were peaceful between us until I accepted his proposal to be his girlfriend. All of a sudden my boyfriend became authoritative. I was concerned but by then I was in love with him so I chose to overlook that little shortcoming he had. I thought all he needed was an attitude adjustment until he started belittling me.

Every little thing, he would say, “Why are you not a submissive woman? Is it because you are in nursing training? As a woman you have to submit to the authority of your man.” As long as he is concerned, I shouldn’t have a voice of my own. Left to him alone I would bow my head, nod, and respond; “Yes sir” to everything he says.

He is the first man I have ever dated that I visited at home. My parents are strict so school allowed me to go and spend time with him. This is why he is the one who broke my virginity. I did it because, at that time I saw him as someone I could have a future with. However, his bossy behaviour is giving me second thoughts. How can I marry a man who tells me, “Eya bra fom” which means, bring yourself down? If he is being this way now, then what will he do if he pays my bride price? Won’t he start acting as if my life belongs to him?

All his controlling behaviour aside, I don’t see him as someone who will show up for me when I need him. I say this because my graduation was held at KNUST. My parents live in another region so they couldn’t make it. I didn’t mind because I knew my boyfriend lived in Kumasi. I expected him to show up and make the day memorable for me but this man didn’t show up. I was so disappointed. This is someone I would travel five hours to visit. Yet he couldn’t be bothered to be present at my graduation, something that was right in his town.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, he asked me to send him the graduation photos. I told him there were no photos and he got angry. What is it about this statement that would make a man who loves me angry? I wasn’t even lying. The pictures we took were not ready. While I was already upset that he didn’t show up for me, he said very mean things to me and then hung up. I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night. He knew I was on my way home but he didn’t bother to find out if I had arrived safely. I also didn’t reach out.

READ ALSO: Should I Date The Man I Met At My Boyfriend’s Funeral?

When I heard from him again, two months had passed. He came crawling back as if nothing had happened. I considered the fact that he was my first. I felt if I didn’t end up with him, it would mean I gave myself freely to a man who didn’t marry me. So I was willing to save the relationship. That’s why I gave him another chance. He said he would do better but he is still the same. We never enjoy peace in the relationship that lasts for a week. All we do is fight. Yes, we have good times but the good times are few compared to the number of times we have issues.

I am not saying I am perfect. But I know that I am not half the things he says I am. He calls me bossy. I am not, I am assertive. He is trying to fix me but I am not broken. I believe he is the one who is not a good fit for me. I believe most of our problems wouldn’t exist if he was a little patient with me, instead of trying to impose his ways on me. He, on the other hand, believes we would be fine if I stopped antagonizing him. Which means, I should be a spineless wimp who does his bidding.

The other day I came across a story on Silent Beads about a man who left his wife and married his side chic but later regretted it. The man ended up wishing he had been more patient with his wife. After reading it, I sent it to Robert. When he saw it he got angry, “Why did you send this to me? What are you trying to tell me?” I responded, “I just want you to read it and learn something from it.” His anger increased.

He ranted, “There are women who have high positions of power but they kneel to greet their husbands. That’s something you won’t do. You are not submissive.” How can I submit myself to a man who doesn’t make me feel loved? I believe submission comes naturally to a woman when she is with a man who makes her feel safe and loved. All Robert does is trigger my fight-or-flight response. I am so fed up. I just need a space to vent and some advice on the way forward.

—Cecilia

If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.

#SB