Forgiveness is a powerful thing, but sometimes, it feels almost impossible to grant. As I reflect on my father’s 70th birthday, celebrated on May 11th, I’m overwhelmed with a storm of emotions that I can no longer keep inside. This is my story, and perhaps, through sharing, I might find some semblance of peace.

My father abandoned my mother shortly after I was born, leaving her to raise my elder sister and me all by herself. My sister was barely three years old at the time their separation happened. According to what I heard, my dad was having an affair with a younger woman. It was all fun and games until the lady got pregnant for my dad.

This lady in question already had a child with a married man. So she said she wouldn’t have another baby for another married man out of wedlock. She wrote a letter telling my dad that she would do whatever it took for him to marry her. All of this happened on the blindside of my mum.

One day they were at home when a neighbor came to see my mother. Whatever news this person brought changed the atmosphere of the house. It was the news of my father’s impending marriage. He had sent the invite to our neighbor. Had it not been for that, my mother wouldn’t have found out about my father’s other woman. My parents were living in the same house and were sleeping in the same bed yet my dad didn’t think it wise to tell her he was marrying another woman. She had to hear it from an outsider.

She said she didn’t confront him. She just packed her things amidst tears and took us to her family’s home. She said the betrayal of being left for another woman was too much for her to bear. However, she had to be strong for us. She did her best to give us a good life.

Growing up with a single mother was not easy. I remember the countless times my sister and I were sent home from school because the fees hadn’t been paid. My father refused to support us financially because he wanted to live with him but it didn’t work out. His wife was maltreating us so my mother had to come for us. This was what made my dad withdraw financial support. My mother didn’t mind. She chose to raise us on her own rather than leave us in such a harmful environment.

Years later, my father came back, and apologized. He expressed his desire to remarry my mother. However, his intentions were not genuine. When my mother insisted on doing things the right way, he disappeared again. He was more interested in having his way with her than in truly making amends.

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Through it all, my mother remained a pillar of strength and grace. She never harbored resentment and always told us not to hold ill feelings towards our father. “God will fight my battles for me,” she would say. Despite everything, she forgave him. Tragically, she passed away from cancer at the age of 54, a pain I attribute to the emotional scars left by my father’s betrayal. She would have been sixty-eight today if she were still alive.

Unfortunately, the pain my father caused doesn’t end with our mother. Lies and deceit continue to poison our family. My father and stepmother fed false stories to my half-siblings, who grew up believing their mother’s first daughter was my father’s child. It was only during a recent argument with my step-sister that I revealed the truth.

He Called Me On The Phone So I Could Hear The Other Woman’s Voice

This pain of my father’s betrayal has been simmering in my heart for over thirty-seven years.  Now, I can no longer suppress it. I am struggling to forgive my father. It’s making me wonder if I should cut all ties with him. Is it wrong to protect myself from further hurt? Or should I strive for the forgiveness my mother so generously offered?

I am reaching out to you, dearest readers, for your thoughts and wisdom. In sharing this deeply personal story, I hope to find some clarity and perhaps a path toward healing. Your insights and experiences could help me navigate this complex journey.

—Paakow

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