Kwame became my friend through Facebook almost three years ago. We started by texting each other the occasional “Hi… How are you?”. Through that, I learned that we belong to the same church. We both worship at the Seventh Day Adventist Church. So we met in my church on one Sabbath. I wasn’t the reason he came there but I was happy that I got to meet him. Our conversations became more frequent after we met, and I became his secret admirer.

At that time, I was single. And it wasn’t because I couldn’t get anyone to show interest in me. It was because I wasn’t meeting anyone who measured up to my standard. I wanted to be with someone who is mature, and serious with his life. Kwame is someone who is all those things, and more. So I prayed about him. There was another male friend in my life who expressed interest in me, I prayed about him too. I wasn’t specifically praying for God to give me a choice between the prayer. I only asked Him to give me a man deserving of me. And God blessed me with Kwame.

We started beautifully. We kept the relationship Christian, which means no shuperu until marriage. I was happy with him, but a month later I asked him; “I know that we are Christians but I also know that tribalism exists. I am an Ewe woman, and you are an Asante man. We both know that there is bad blood between these two tribes for whatever reason. So I want to know if your family is fine with you dating me.” He answered, “I am yet to tell my family about us. But even if they don’t accept you it wouldn’t matter. I am the one going to be with you, not them.” His response assured me that he was committed to me.

The first month went on smoothly. Then in the second month, he visited his family and came back to Accra with a different energy. When I asked if everything was okay with his family, he said, “Yes, but there is an issue.” I didn’t need to push him to talk. He told me immediately that his family disapproves of our relationship. I asked him; “So what should we do?” “Let’s give it time,” he intoned. It was a dicey situation but I chose to trust that things will change eventually.

In the third month, he started being distant. Initially, I thought he was just busy with work. So I pushed him to give me some attention. That was when he told me, “My family is very serious about us not being together so I suggest we slow down. That way when we break up the impact wouldn’t be deep.” I understood him and respected the space he was giving me, even though it was difficult for me.

One early morning l texted him, “What is your parent’s final decision?” He replied, “I have been wanting to tell you about it but it hurts too much to voice it out. They don’t want to understand that I choose you. It seems the best thing we can do right now is end things and maintain our friendship.” I was too hurt to say anything but ‘OK’. I thought l found peace with myself or that I’m already over him. But I went to work and started feeling a sharp pain that feels as if someone is intentionally piercing my heart with a thousand needles.

I am the kind of person who always says l will walk away from a man whose family rejects me, but here I am today trying to fight a battle I already lost. I prayed to God for strength and texted Kwame; “I am not giving up on you. And it’s not because I am desperate or because I am madly in love with you. It’s also not because I want to get married. It’s just that I believe what we have is worth fighting for. So go back and do a proper job of convincing your parents to give me a chance. Why should they just write me off because of my tribe? I didn’t choose which tribe to be born into, did I? We belong to the same church but that doesn’t count. If you were breaking up with me for a different reason I would have accepted it. But I won’t accept a breakup over tribal differences.”

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I told him that despite the fact that his family has rejected me, I love him and that love has extended to them as well. I let him understand that I wouldn’t give up on him until the spirit in me does. I didn’t know how bad it hurts to be at the receiving end of this tribal discrimination until I found myself in this position. l don’t know if you are reading this Kwame, but if you are, know that I can’t give up on you. There is a lot more to a person than tribal stereotypes, and that’s what I aim to prove.

At this point, l feel like if things don’t work out with Kwame, I should have a baby and forget about men, because this whole relationship thing is exhausting. Please take it easy on me in the comment section. I’m already hurt. Just give me a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately for me, l live alone so I can’t share my pain with anyone. That’s why I am sharing my story here.

—Yawa

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