My husband and I built our house together when we were dating. We moved in two years after we got married. It’s a five-bedroom house with a detached apartment attached to it. That apartment was meant to be a boys’ quarters or a place we host our guests.
Shortly after we moved into our house, his younger brother asked if he could move into the detached apartment. He had a piece of land he was building on, and needed a place to stay while saving money on rent.
My husband and I did not think twice about it before saying yes. We figured he just needed to stay with us for a short while until his building was complete.
We anticipated at most, two years but it was more. This guy lived with us for four years and then went to get married. Again, we expected him to move out and get a new place with his wife but that did not happen. He brought in his wife to live with us as well.
I don’t know what he told his wife but it seemed he forgot he was living with his brother. His wife started treating me as if I was her rival. When it came to sweeping and other house chores I was too busy to perform, she took offense.
At the end of the month, both husband and wife acted as if utility bills were nonexistent. Buying prepaid credit for electricity became something they tied around my neck. In fact, all the utility bills were my responsibility. My husband was having some challenges with his job. So I had to step up and take over.
Six years after he got married, my brother-in-law and his family still lived with us but refused to pay any bills. This became a war between my husband and me. His wife is a nurse. She was working all the while they refused to contribute to the running of the home. It didn’t make sense to me because they had kids. This should tell them that the house is becoming larger, which means the bills would only increase. It wouldn’t have cost them too much to contribute something for their part of the consumption. But they refused.
At some point, I realized they were not going to change. So I stopped complaining and just did what I could to keep my home running. It was when my kids started using dirty words that I got disturbed. They told me they heard the words from my brother-in-law’s children. I didn’t want another family drama so I reported the issue to our church leaders. A meeting was called and shocking things were revealed.
It came to light that my brother-in-law had completed his building and given it out to some people for rent. He was collecting money for his house without my husband’s knowledge. This news broke my husband’s heart but I couldn’t stop laughing in my head.
The day they finally moved out, they didn’t tell us. We went to work and returned to find their place empty. They packed everything out. It cost us a lot of money to fix the doors, windows, and everything in the washroom that their children broke. By the time we were done, an entire renovation had taken place.
Six months after moving out, he called his brother and asked for financial assistance because paying utility bills and taking care of their kids all by themselves hadn’t been an easy feat. “My wife is threatening to leave me already,” he wept. Their house is a compound house and his wife didn’t want to live there. My husband couldn’t help them because he is no longer earning much. I am the one taking care of the family financially currently.
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Now that we are free of his brother, he asked that we bring in his sister who is having problems in her marriage to live in that same apartment that his brother and his family ruined.
I got the chance to spend a few days with his sister. She is the type who consumes a tin of milk alone at a serving. I’m wondering how I can afford that lifestyle, considering this current economy. I don’t complain about the financial constraints of paying school fees, and all the bills so my husband doesn’t know the extent of my struggles. That’s why he was unhappy when I told him we didn’t have room for his sister in our house.
The Secret He Wasn’t Telling Me Was On His Phone
Because of this issue, he is standing in the way of my plans to buy a car. The family uses only one car and it makes my movements difficult. To fix this, I saved money for a car. Now he is saying, “If you buy a car, my family will think I have money but I am refusing to help them. It will be better if we sell our car, top up with your money, and buy a big family car.” He has a good idea but that’s not what I want.
I want to be able to drop my kids off at school and pick them up without it clashing with my husband’s schedule to use the car. That’s why I prefer to have my own car while he has his. Please what do I do? Should I go ahead and buy my car, or I should do what my husband wants for the sake of his family?
— Hera
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Please buy your own car. His family members are inconsiderate. If you want to generate more money then rent out the detached apartment. At the end of the day what his family members think is none of your business. Don’t allow his sister into the house .Let her face her problems on her own. If you let her in she will be a problem to your marriage. Sit your husband down let him know about the responsibilities your are bearing. He can’t come and say my family needs this all the time. You also have a family too. Your husband’s family problem nyinaa y3 ak3ses3m . Look after your family and let his family members look after themselves. You can’t kill yourself to please them. Your little ones are relying on you. As for your brother in-law he is reaping what he sowed. Kyesen biara ne ni kataso). Please add prayers to all you do.
I really feel sorry for this lady. Family members can frustrate you to the bone if you don’t know how to set up boundaries with them. Thanks to stories like this, i will not allow family to my house. if i can, i will support them to rent their own place.’
at the end of the day, they will hate you for asking them to leave after taking care f them for years
My sister,don’t yield to your husband’s request this time around.u have seen enough of his manipulation tactics.Go ahead and get a car of your own and save yourself if any unnecessary stress
Aunty please just go straight to the point and buy your own car before any issue come along again, and please don’t forget to always pray for GOD answers prayers, thank you for letting us also learning from marriage experience. #LearningMarriageExperience
Wrong advice. If she goes ahead, the husband will say she does not consider his views and feelings before doing things, and that can disturb the marriage. So she first needs to try and bring the husband on board. If she blatantly disobeys now, the husband might not say anything because of his current situation, but it will definitely come back to bite when he gets back on his feet. If you want to be making unilateral decisions, then I advice you don’t marry at all. Once you marry, you are no more the sole decision maker even if you are currently the sole bread winner. So my sister, go and make a strong case why you need a car. You can even suggest you people hype it as a gift etc. But don’t do it to call his bluff if you want your peace with your husband. Cheers and praying with you.