One Saturday afternoon, I was at home lying in bed when my uncle called. After we got the pleasantries out of the way he asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” “No uncle,” I responded, “I want to get a job before I enter into a relationship.” I gave him not because he is my uncle but because it is the truth. I have no intention of being in a relationship where I wouldn’t bring anything financially to the table. It is not in my nature to watch my partner do all the spending and be the only one who buys gifts for me. That’s why I chose to wait till I am financially sound before I start anything.

After I explained my reasons to my uncle he said, “That’s a good reason, but you might change your mind soon. I have been talking to a young man these past few days. He said he is looking for a decent and beautiful young woman to settle with. I’ve sang your praises to him. I’ve told him what makes you thick. I told him you’re the best he could find in the market. Now, he is interested in getting to know you. He has asked for your number. Should I give it to him?”

“No, don’t give it to him. As I said, I want to put my life in order first before I think of a relationship.”

My uncle didn’t know how to take a no for an answer. He was so sure about the guy; “Oh, he is a good guy. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t bring him anywhere near you. You know you are my favourite niece. I only want what is best for you.”

My uncle of course had been there for so long before I was born. He’s a man. A man knows who a good man is and the fact that he had always loved me made me convinced that he wouldn’t bring bad things my way. I told him, “If you say he’s a good man,  I will trust your word. Give my number to him and let’s see how it goes.”

Around 9:00 PM the same day, I received a call from a strange number. I figure it could be the guy but I had to confirm first. “Hello, who am I talking to?” I asked. He answered, “My name is Chris. Your uncle gave your number to me.” I sighed. I didn’t know what to expect and didn’t know what was there to talk about. I answered, ‘Oh yeah, he spoke to me about you, that you were going to call me. How are you?”

That night, you wouldn’t know we were talking to each other for the first time. We had a lengthy conversation about our personal lives. One of the questions he asked that got to me was, “Where do you see yourself in the next five years?” It sounded like a cliche interview question but I was impressed. I was impressed that he asked me such a question on the first day we were talking. It made me think of him as a serious person. As someone who looks to the future more than the present.

Our conversation went deep into the night. I had to tell him I was tired before we said good night and ended the call.

The next morning he called me, and we continued the conversation from where we ended it. It was like we were both teenagers with a crash. I got to know he was living in London and had come home for some holidays. He told me, “It’s so bad I met you when I had few days left to go back to London. But all is not lost. We can do something before I finally leave Ghana.” We agreed to meet, at least, once to see each other before he leaves.

He chose the venue and the day of our meeting, and I chose the time. When the date arrived, I was filled to the brim with excitement. I woke up that morning singing happy tunes. I remember how much time I spent getting ready. They say “dress the way you want to be addressed,” and I wanted him to take me seriously so I went to a great length to pick out the perfect dress, wore flawless makeup, and my shoes too were fabulous. I turned heads on my way to the restaurant and it made me happy. I smiled while I sat there waiting for Chris to show up and get knocked off his feet by how gorgeous I looked. I got to the restaurant and this guy didn’t show up.

I called him but he didn’t answer my calls. The servers at the restaurant brought the menu but I wanted him to arrive before I order so I told them to give me a minute. A minute turned into thirty, and thirty minutes turned into an hour. I almost cried that day at the restaurant when it dawned on me that the guy stood me up. All the efforts I put into showing up were a waste of time.

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Later, he called to explain why he couldn’t make it. I thought he made sense so I forgave him. The same reason that made him stand me up that night was the reason he couldn’t travel back to London at the time he planned to. He had to postpone so it gave us another opportunity to meet again. He asked me to visit him at Cape Coast, where he was living. He told me, “I will only come to Accra when I am going to the airport so I might not have enough time to meet you.” He offered to pay for my transport fare if I agreed to make the trip. I didn’t have the money to travel so I accepted his offer.

I told him the day I planned to set off but he didn’t send me any money. When I was about to set off I texted him to send me the money and this guy started complaining. He said he didn’t offer to fund my visit to Cape Coast. “It doesn’t make sense that I have to pay for you to come and meet for the first time. Why are Ghanaian girls like that?” I didn’t say anything to him. I calmly hung up the call, put my head on my pillow and slept.

The next day, he called to beg for forgiveness; “I am sorry for everything I said. I’ve had a bad experience when it comes to giving money to women. The ones I gave money to in the end saw me as a money machine and didn’t commit emotionally.” The way he said it made it sound like he had been through a lot when it comes to women. I said, “It doesn’t mean every woman would treat you the way the previous one treated you. We are not all the same.” He answered, “Wait until you hear the details.

Turned out that in 2020, he found out three weeks before his wedding day that his fiancee had duped him. She had taken a huge sum of money from him in the name of marriage and didn’t do any of the things she promised to do with the money. This has somehow messed with his head so he thinks every woman only wants him for his money. When I got to know his story in full, I was sympathetic but I wasn’t ready to suffer for another woman’s mistake. I told him, “I understand that you have a traumatizing past, but who doesn’t? I will not allow you to add to my trauma by making me pay for another woman’s sin. It was nice getting to know you these past few days but this is the end for me. I wish you all the best.”

He says I should not allow our little misunderstanding to come between us. He wants me to give him another chance for him to prove that he’s worthy of my attention. This man is not my boyfriend yet. We were only getting to know each other as friends and see what the future holds for us. We haven’t gone far so I believe we will save a lot of time if I cut him off now. He wants to meet me but I am not interested in putting in the effort to dress up and go and meet him again. I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.

He spoke to my uncle about my stance so my uncle came in to apologise on his behalf. When I said no, my uncle reported the issue to my parents and they also started talking in favour of this guy. They all said I should be patient with him. I don’t know what they know that I don’t know but they believe Chirs would be a good partner if only I develop the patience to be with him. Once he stood me up. Once he judged me that I’m just like all Ghanaian women. Each time I put in the effort to show him how much I could care, he ends up messing things up. We’ve not met yet but having trouble. He is using his experience with his fiancee to judge me. My uncle says he’s still bleeding from his past that’s how he’s behaving that way but the question is how long should I be patient with someone who is still bleeding from his past experience?

My Husband Enjoys Watching The Nakedness Of His Mother–Beads Media

I am not ready to suffer the consequences of someone else’s actions. The thing is, he doesn’t;t even live in Ghana for us to get to know each other better. Everything about this guy spells disaster but my uncle and parents think he’s worth the patience. Are my parents right, looking at what I’ve been through with him in this short period?

–Christie

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