I have this friend I’ve known since high school. We went to university together and even completed our master’s degrees. We’ve been there for each other through everything: breakups, family drama, school stress, you name it.

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When she got married, she told me about one of her husband’s friends. “His name is Femi. I want to introduce him to you. You will love him.” I was single and open to meeting someone, so I agreed. However, the introduction didn’t happen, and I didn’t ask about it either.

I was minding my business one day when she called to tell me, “Remember Femi, the guy I wanted to introduce you to? He impregnated another woman. She just gave birth to twins for him.” I told her to forget about matching me with him.

Later on, my best friend moved closer to my area because of work, and it made it easier for us to spend time together. One day, she called and asked me to come over and help her bake pastries for a friend’s birthday party. I was bored, so I agreed.

After baking, she asked me to help her deliver the pastries because they were too heavy for her. I said no problem. I freshened up, and we went to the party together.

The moment I got there, one fine gentleman caught my attention. He also kept staring at me in a way that made it clear he was drawn to me. When my best friend saw me eyeing him, she said, “That’s Femi—the birthday girl’s brother.” I nodded and smiled but said nothing.

A few days after the party, my friend called me again. “So that Femi guy from the party has been pestering me for your number. Should I give it to him?” Before I could answer, she added, “He’s the same Femi I wanted to introduce you to a year ago—the one who now has a baby mama and a beautiful set of twins.”

I said I didn’t mind and that she could give him the number. But she didn’t do it immediately. Instead, she kept bombarding me with warnings about him:

“His family is proud and controlling. They won’t let him marry anyone apart from his baby mama.”

“He’s a playboy. Are you sure you want all that drama?”

“Babe,” I told her, “we’re both adults. I’m sure the two of us will be fine.”

Well, she gave him my number, and we started talking. On our first date, he opened up about the baby mama situation—how she pinned the pregnancy on him while he was away on training (he works with the government). He said she only told him she was pregnant when she was already four months along.

“I wasn’t sure the babies were mine, but I agreed to take responsibility. My parents didn’t raise me to be irresponsible,” he said.

Despite my hesitation, we decided to give it a try. It’s been a year now, and honestly, it’s been pure bliss. I even gained weight because of the peace this man brings me. He’s financially okay, but he doesn’t spoil me. And I’ve never complained because I understand he has responsibilities.

While things were going great, my friend kept advising me to leave him. I didn’t listen. I kept telling her I was happy. Eventually, she stopped, but recently she called with some news that broke my heart.

She said, “Femi’s baby mama is pregnant again. Baby number three is on the way.”

I cried, then confronted him. He didn’t deny it. “Babe, it was a moment of weakness,” he said.

He told me it happened during the twins’ birthday celebration. Just like before, she waited until she was four months pregnant to tell him. Now she’s demanding marriage. She says she won’t have another child out of wedlock. Her mother has also called, insisting that he marry her to wipe the shame off their family.

He told me not to worry—that he has no intention of marrying her. Yes, he’s being a responsible father, but he says she’s not the kind of woman he sees a future with. She’s 23, uneducated, and according to him, emotionally manipulative. He once had plans to help her go back to school to improve herself for the kids’ sake, but she wasn’t interested. Now, he believes she’s just trying to use the children to keep collecting money from him.

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What hurts me most is that for a whole year, he never told me any of this. Now I understand why he’s always so stressed, struggling financially despite earning a good salary. Thank God for his family—they help when they can.

I understand him, but I still feel betrayed and left out. Maybe I should’ve listened to my friend. But I also wonder if she’s sabotaging the relationship. She once told me she doesn’t want to be responsible for ruining the baby mama’s chances of marrying him, so I should find a way to leave. I’ve also heard that another woman in the family might be advising the baby mama.

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Now I’m finalizing my travel documents, and I don’t know what to do. We love each other deeply, and I want to stand by him through this. But I also don’t want to pressure him into anything, especially marriage, considering his messy situation.

I’m confused. Please, be honest with me. If I’ve made mistakes or missed any red flags, help me see them. We’ve fought over this, and he’s been apologizing ever since. I didn’t sign up for drama. I just want the peace I used to have. But my heart hurts.

I feel betrayed.

—Mirah

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