He’s Doing Everything For Me To Breakup With Him But I’m Not Ready To Let Him Go

Right after my mother lost her husband, she was diagnosed with a chronic illness. This was a terrifying experience for me, considering how close I am to my mother. My entire life she has been everything to me. So the thought of her mortality made me shut everything in my life down so that I could take care of her. The only thing I had going on for myself was work.   I was not in communication with my friends; neither did I engage in social activities. My mother was my friend, and after her I had Facebook. The same month that I went through this drastic change, my boyfriend married another woman. I didn’t even suspect that he had another woman in his life until I found out about the marriage. It felt like being kicked while I was already down. But my mum was more important to me, so I only cried for a day and then picked myself back up.

My life had a routine. I would wake up and go to work, get back and cook for my mother, and then go on Facebook to keep up with the world. I didn’t accept friend requests or chat with anyone. I just read posts and memes and saw the life people lived. Although I didn’t grieve too much about my lost relationship, I didn’t feel ready for another relationship just yet. I just wanted to be left alone. My routine worked perfectly until one day I mistakenly confirmed a friend request from a guy. I was in the process of unfriending him when he sent me a message. It was a simple message but it caught my attention. It said, “Some of you are so beautiful that it’s almost unreal.” I replied, “Thank you,” and thus began our friendship.

As we spoke, we realized that we were both using Christian names on Facebook although we are Muslims. He does not live in Ghana, so I thought it was a good idea to talk to him. He made me laugh when I hadn’t had a lot of reason to laugh in a while. This made his company enjoyable. So we spoke consistently until it became part of my routine. Every day like clockwork, he called me at 8:00 PM, and we spoke late into the night. Sometimes, we didn’t want to hang up but we both had jobs and that was more important than our desire to speak to each other.

Our conversation got intense with time, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t understand what was holding him back. There was even a time he asked me, “Do you like me?” and I said yes. Then he asked, “On a scale of one to ten, how much do you like me?” I responded, “Eleven. What about you?” “I also like you a lot,” he said. But that was it. He didn’t say anything else or propose that we should be in a relationship. So we kept being friends until the Covid-19 lockdown happened.

Things were difficult for me financially, but I didn’t suffer much because of him. He was a God-sent. He sent me airtime and internet data. He also sent me money whenever I complained about money. While he did all this I wondered why he still hadn’t proposed to me. I had a lot of men coming my way. They were putting pressure on me to date them, but I didn’t want them. The only person I wanted was Ahmed. I dropped a lot of clues for him to take action, but nothing happened. So I spoke to a male friend and he told me, “If you like him shoot your shot, maybe he is the shy type.” I took the advice and asked Ahmed to be my boyfriend. I was worried he would say no, but to my surprise, he said yes. I was so happy that I told my mother about him.

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My mother became fond of him. And whenever I called him, he and my mum would have a little chat. So on days he doesn’t call, my mum would persuade me to call him. He just had that effect on her. We were doing great, but I felt things would be better between us if we got to meet. “When would you visit Ghana for us to meet? I would like to see you in person,” I asked him on a few occasions. He told me, “I planned to come down last year but I couldn’t. However, I will do my best to visit this year.” That gave me hope to hold on to him, even when the long distance became difficult.

Now my problem is, although we have been together for a few years, he hasn’t said anything about the future of our relationship. When I brought the topic up, he shut down completely and started drifting away from me. As it stands now, I’m not growing any younger. People are interested in me, but I don’t give them any thought. My father’s best friend wants me to marry his son, who is a doctor. So I am under a lot of pressure from my dad to accept the proposal. When I told Ahmed about it, he got angry. But I assured him, “Don’t worry, I have told my dad that I have someone else. But I need to know where this relationship is heading?”

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It’s been six months now and he still hasn’t given me an answer. It feels like I am the only one holding this relationship. I’m the one fighting for it to survive. I am doing all this because I really like him. He has everything I want in a future partner. However, he did something today that hurt me so much. He called me and while we were talking, he turned off his data. This is something he told me he does to people he doesn’t want to talk to. So the fact that he did it to me has me thinking that our relationship is over.

I believe that if he is no longer interested in the relationship he should be able to tell me. But it seems because I am the one who made the move, he expects me to be the one who calls things off. I also don’t want him to say that after everything he has done for me, I left him. So I want to hold on to him until he lets me go. I call him and he chooses whether or not to answer my calls. When he answers the call too, I am the one who does all the talking. At this point, I am sure that staying with him is the best thing for both of us. I am confused. I don’t know what to do.