He pursued me vigorously for weeks. My answer was always no. When he asked why, I was very frank with him that I didn’t want to be in a relationship looking at the situation I was in. I’d lost my dad months ago and the pain was still very raw. He was aware and even promised to help me forget the pain, only for him to propose later.

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He told me he was scared another man would come from nowhere to sweep me off my feet, hence the consistent asking. I liked him too. He had been there with me through the pain. During my dad’s funeral, he drove all the way to my village two days before the funeral just to help me. He worked with my brothers and ran errands with them so they got to be friends.

My siblings even thought he was my boyfriend because of his dedication to the funeral. I placed him highly because of that but I needed time to heal completely. I didn’t want to love him with a wounded heart so I bled my pain on him. He wouldn’t take no for an answer so I told him, “Let’s start something new. It’s a yes but I’ll need time to warm up. Forgive me in advance if I don’t act the way you expect from a girlfriend.”

Every day after work, he would pass by and leave later in the evening. I knew he would be coming so I made food and prepared something he would snack on while with me. When I wasn’t able to prepare food before he came, I would order online so he’d get something to eat.

We dated for over a month but I didn’t go to his place. It was intentional. Guys know how to set invisible traps in their place. They know how to get what they want once you enter their space. It’s a mapped-out plan. Many women fall while still standing so I didn’t want to go there until he insisted and made it sound like a crime that I hadn’t visited him.

One Saturday morning, I picked up my bag and went there. Clean space, great ambiance, no chair but the bed. I made myself comfortable and he put on a movie. Hours later, I was hungry but this guy never even thought of serving me water. When I told him I was hungry he said, “I thought you had food in your bag ooo. Abi sometimes you order food. Order some for us.”

I did. When the food came, he watched me pay for it and ate the larger portion of the food. I was thinking about it differently until later I told myself guys were like that. They take things for granted. The worst happened when I was leaving.

He tried to have his way with me, which I expected because he was needlessly touchy. At first I said no because I was hungry. After eating, I said no because he didn’t pay for the food. When he realized I wasn’t going to allow him, he grew moody and didn’t say much until I told him I was leaving.

He escorted me to the roadside and stopped a taxi for me. He told the driver where I was going and the driver mentioned the price. He haggled for several minutes – meanwhile, the difference between what he wanted to pay and what the driver was asking for was only GHC5. The driver drove away out of annoyance. And then he told me, “Don’t worry. A trotro will come soon.”

When the trotro came, he bade me goodbye and left. Apart from the discomfort, picking trotro meant I had to take three different trotros to get to my destination. When I got down, I continued with a taxi home. I had to call him later that I’d gotten home. He said, “But you didn’t try at all. You spent the whole day with me here in my bed and didn’t give me just one round mpo. Is this love?”

I said in my head, “Oh you know about love? Love is starving your visitor and still expect sex? Love is haggling over GHC5 change until trotro comes? Then this love is not for me.”

When he came to my place twice and I didn’t give him food, he complained. He asked why I’d stopped cooking for him. He said he comes from the office after work and he’s always hungry. I told him, “You can buy something on your way coming. There are a lot you can choose from.” He answered, “I’m a man ooo. You have to pamper me with food.”

When he got to his house that day, I told him everything I felt was wrong in our relationship. I talked about the food I paid for. I talked about the trotro issue and the fact that I made him comfortable when he was with me and expected the same kindness from him. He listened intently and responded, “You too you don’t give me sex, have you thought about that? How am I supposed to be convinced about your love without that?”

I ended the relationship that day. It was obvious we both didn’t consider the same things as love. He’s not a bad person. I still remember what he did during my dad’s funeral. He took a company car, drove that distance to help. Only a good person would do that but when it comes to love, it’s a different language altogether and once we couldn’t speak the same love language it was hard.

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A month or so later, he came back trying to revive what was dead and buried. I gave him friendship instead and that’s all we have now. He says he loves my cooking so I cook for him sometimes and he says thank you. Still, doesn’t see the need to give money for me to cook for him. But that’s OK. We are friends.

—Yaa Rose

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