We met at an event where the military band had come to sing and put on a display for us. That same night, one of the military men approached me with the brightest smile I had ever seen. He stretched out his hand for a handshake and said, “I will marry you.”

Sometimes, men think it is cute to say things like that. Sometimes it is cute, other times it feels like a threat, especially when they look nothing like your spec. But he was the kind of man who fit my spec, so I laughed and my heart fluttered for him. I was single to stupor at the time, so I engaged him. By the time we all departed to our various homes, I too was hopeful that something meaningful would come out of it.

Before we even started dating, he was begging me for a visit. I refused the first few times. We were just getting to know each other, I did not want to cross a line. He reluctantly agreed, but when we started dating, he was not accepting any excuse. So one Friday, I packed some “Awoshia clothes” and went to visit him.

From the moment I got there, he was always on a video call with some woman. He let me know that was his sister, so I did not sweat it.

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Every time he was on the video call, I was not allowed to sneeze or even breathe too loudly. If I dared to make a sound, he looked at me with his veins popping out. According to him, “You are supposed to act like a wall if I am on the call.” If I worried him about not spending time with me when I had travelled to see him, he would say, “She is my sister. There is trouble at home we are trying to solve.”

One evening, I was with him when his phone started ringing again. It was her. He picked up at the first ring and leaned into a corner. There is a tone he uses with me, but his tone with her was more passionate than anything I had ever heard from him. He kept insisting she was his sister, but how do you speak to your sister like that?

I kept pushing him for the truth, and he finally threw it in my face. “It is because she is in the USA I am playing with her, you know the dollar rates.” Before I could even process what he meant, he quickly added, “Don’t worry, it is you I will marry.”

I looked at him from head to toe, then from toe to head, packed my Awoshia bag, and started leaving.

He chased me everywhere I went. He asked my friends to plead on his behalf. We broke up in February, and he called almost every day. He sent messages like, “I won’t leave you alone. You are my wife. I won’t let you go.” I saw them and did not reply to any of them until he sent the one that broke my resolve.

He said he had broken up with the woman in the USA, so I did not have anything to worry about. That was in September. To me, honestly, it was the effort, and since she was no longer in the picture, I called him.

He came around and we talked. All I wanted was an honest man.

“Is that all you want?” he asked.

I nodded.

It had been long since I last saw him, so one day after lectures I went to the barracks unannounced to surprise him, only to catch him with a lady on his bed. They were naked and sweating. It felt like a scene from a movie.

I barged in. They both turned to look at me. He realized what had happened and got off her, but I was already out the door. I imagine he quickly put on his clothes and did not mind the lady calling after him. I was waiting outside when he joined me and walked me out. On the way, he was apologising over and over again.

He gave his key to one of his colleagues in the barracks to take the lady away, then continued apologising. I said okay, and we returned to his room while he tried to remove her smell with air freshener.

Some months after the incident, he went on a six-month deployment. When we spoke, he mentioned that he was missing food. So I would send him provisions.

Sometimes, when he called sick, I sent him money too.

Right after he came home, he returned with an iPhone 14 Pro Max. Then he gave me money to start up a business. I say with all sincerity that everything was going on well. Until I found out that while he was on deployment, he cheated on me with someone else.

I confronted him immediately, and he tried to turn it on me. He said I was the one who cheated and was now trying to pin it on him. I said no.

He did not take my word for it. “I am coming to curse you o. Say the truth. Did you cheat on me when I left?” He bought three eggs, called on the names of three deities, and asked each of them to deal with me.

Unfortunately for him, it was him who cheated. So they descended on him. He was told he had to go and appease the gods.

That did not stop him. At the brink of dawn, he broke into my shop and took everything I had. He claimed it was because he gave me the money to start the business.

For about a month now, I have been calling him to return my goods so I can sell and survive, but he says unless I date him again, he will not give them back. Now he is begging me to forgive him and come back because the other lady has gone back to the USA. The Iphone he gave me, he came for it too.

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I nearly died. In fact, I may have died and rose up again to finish my race on earth.

To the military man who asked why women are scared of dating them, this is what one of your brothers did to me. He nearly killed me. If you see him, tell him I survived it and lived to tell the story. If he does not take care, I may start a campaign about dating military men. Very wicked set of men.

—Mabel

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