Five months ago, an old friend of mine who was also my business partner was supposed to receive some goods from me. Unfortunately, the timing coincided with something else that needed his attention, so he arranged for his sister to meet me instead. The mention of his sister was a surprise to me because, in all our years of friendship, this guy never mentioned that he has a sister. And the day I met her, I understood why. The lady is so beautiful that any man who sees her would want her. The moment I set my eyes on her I said to myself, “This is the kind of woman I want to settle down with.”

After I gave her the goods, I realized I had to wrap them up for her. So we went to a nearby shop to get some wrappers. When we got to the shop, the attendant behaved in a way that suggested she liked me. So my friend’s sister, Efe, decided to play matchmaker. When we were about to leave the shop, she took my phone from me and took the shop attendant’s number, and then gave my number to her as well. This was something she did without asking me first. And while she was doing that, my thoughts were; “I don’t like the shop attendant you are forcing on me. It’s you I like.” As soon as we left there, the shop attendant started calling me but I ignored her.

Two days after I met Efe, we started talking as though we were old friends. I told her, “I like you very much, so if you are not dating anyone, give me a chance to love you.” She told me, “I am not dating anyone but we just met. I can’t just give you a chance. Let’s start with friendship first.” I said okay, and accepted to be her friend so we could study each other. In less than a week, she asked to know my place and so I invited her over. I am a good cook so when she came I cooked for her. After that, she started visiting me frequently. I liked her so I enjoyed cooking for her and hosting her whenever she came around. After a while, Efe started bringing her friends over to my place. She introduced me to them as her new friend and they liked me.

Some of her friends even told her, “Efe, Oswald is a nice guy. We can see how much he likes you. Why don’t you give him a try?” But she only said, “We are  just friends for now.” They kept telling me that they didn’t understand why she wouldn’t accept me as her boyfriend. The confusing part for me was the last time she visited me. We were supposed to go to the poolside, and this girl stood in front of me and undressed, so she could wear something fit for the pool. My blood run so hot, I yelled, “If you wanted to change, you could have asked me to excuse you. You could have even gone to the bathroom. You didn’t have to go naked in front of me.” In response, she laughed and said, “Oh, but it’s nothing.”

After our time at the poolside, she invited me over to her place. I asked to use the bathroom so I could take a quick shower. While I was in there, she also walked into the bathroom and started bathing. I thought that was an invitation for me to strike while the iron was hot. I stretched my hand to touch her and she hit my hand before it could even reach her. She was angry. She said, “Stop that, we are just friends for now.” When I apologized, she told me; “I am trying to catch feelings for you but it’s not working so let’s try to be good friends for now.” I wasn’t happy to hear that but I said okay.

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That evening she took me to the club, and we had a good time. Upon our return, she lay beside me half-naked and got angry when I tried to hold her hand. Now it has become her habit. I would be in the same room with her and she would take her clothes off as if I am not made of flesh and blood. To add to that, she is always posting my photos on social media and saying nice things about me. Once, she took me to her tailor and asked him to make me a nice kaftan so I could be her plus one at a wedding. I drew the line there and asked her, “Efe, what at all do you want from me? I see how happy you are when we are together. You are quick to introduce me to everyone as your friend although you know that I want to be more than your friend. And then you send me money when I am broke. Why are you trying to turn me into something I’m not? I can’t just switch off my feelings for you and become just your friend, especially not when everything you do makes it all worse.” She shrugged and said, “This is how I relate with all my friends.”

I really like her but I don’t like the way she makes me feel. She is just causing me emotional stress because she doesn’t want to accept that I don’t want to be just friends with her. I have tried to explain to her that if I can’t be with her the way I want, then I don’t want her in my life at all. And we’ve been going back and forth on this issue for five months but nothing has improved. Her brother and everyone around us think we are dating because of the way she relates with me. She takes me on trips every once in a while, and we sleep in the same room but nothing ever happens. I am tired of being relegated to the friend zone in such a manner. I even tried to cut her off but she wouldn’t let me. How do I get out of this? Please I need advice.

— Oswald

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