Right after my national service, Mina came my way. Men usually go after a job after service but love was important to me so I proposed to Mina and tried all I could to make her mine. She had a job and a life I didn’t have. She could have said no to me and still be the woman that she was without any problem but something about my future intrigued her so she said yes to me.

She told me about her recent relationship that didn’t work and asked me to be a better man for her. She said as if it were a prayer she desperately needed an answer for, “Many didn’t work but I’m giving love a chance again. Please don’t take me for granted. Don’t take what I give you for granted because it’s all I have. I want us to end well. All you have to be is the man you have promised to be and we’ll be good.”

Once my love life was sorted, I dedicated the rest of my days to looking for a job opening.

With time I learned that it’s easier to get a woman to fall in love with you than to get an organization to fall in love with your skills. Mina happened easily but getting a job became a full-time job that I never succeeded. I will write dozens of job applications and nothing would happen. Friends gave me leads. They recommended me to their HR but nothing came out of it except, “You’ll hear from us later.”

Mina became the backbone that helped me to stand on my feet. She was very kind to me and very receptive to my shortcomings. When unemployment made me depressed, Mina’s love kept going because I knew she had my back and her love for me was pure.

On my first bank interview, she bought me a new shirt, trousers and tie and asked me to dress up like I was already working in the bank. I looked at her face and said, “What would I have done without you? Thank you very much.”

After the interview, I was so sure I was going to get a call from them. I waited and waited. The clock kept ticking slowly. Every unknown caller felt like the bank was calling. Every mail I received was read quickly thinking it was coming from the bank. In the night she would put her hand on my chest and tell me, “Calm down. What would be would be.”

When they called to tell me I didn’t make it, she was there to tell me life would get better regardless. I told her, “I’m happy to have you in my life at this moment. Without you, my life would be meaningless. Nothing would ever be the same.”

She smiled and told me I was flattering her. I wasn’t flattering her. I’m an expressive man and didn’t want to hold words unsaid. She was doing a lot in my life and the best I could offer her was to show gratitude. She told me, “I wish you would always remain like this forever but you men are some way. When you don’t have it, your wings get clipped but once things change, you forget who was there for you.”

She was speaking facts but deep within me, I knew I wasn’t going to change just because things turned out for my good. I saw the sacrifices she made for me and told myself I would do more for her when my situation changes. I loved her with all my heart and was determined to get a job and prove the depth of my love.

But a year without a job changed everything including the heart of Mina. I didn’t blame her but I asked for more time. I felt something was near and I told her. She said, “You always say that but that thing never comes. Get a job. I mean get a proper job and carry your own weight in this relationship. Is it too much to ask?”

“Mina, it’s not too much to ask from me. I’m the one asking too much from you. I’m the one without a job asking you to stick around me. You’ve been my help through it all. Without you, nothing will ever be the same for me and I know but I’m doing my best. These days I even walk to the companies with my CV. I will come out good, very soon.”

She cheated and I caught her. I read it from her phone and knew she was cheating but I was scared to ask her. My heart was breaking on the inside but I tried so hard not to let it show on the outside. My smile didn’t go deep. I was jumpy. I was easily irritated until I gathered the courage to speak up.

I couldn’t even use the word “cheat” because I was scared it would make her leave me. I said, “You’ve gotten another man in your life, right? It’s like I’m not enough so you have to add one more man. Tell me it’s not true.”

She couldn’t deny it. She told me the truth that he was a man she met at the office but it was nothing serious. The man had money and connections and it was the reason she “stupidly fell for him.” She told me she would do better. She would leave the man and concentrate on our relationship.

She apologized to me and I saw the remorse on her face. My heart soared. I was grateful. I pleaded with her not to leave me for that man. I repeated my favourite phrase that summed up my feelings about our relationship; “Without you, nothing will ever be the same so don’t leave me. I’m going to turn out better, believe me.”

The days ahead proved more difficult than I anticipated. She didn’t leave the man. They were in constant communication. I read her messages. The sad thing was, the man knew about me and even teased her with my name; “I hope your guy won’t slaughter us if he finds out.” She didn’t respond to that. She only sent a laughing emoji followed by “Lol”. I felt like the joke that made them laugh out loud.

When I confronted her she warned me not to go into her phone again. “What’s that for? If you don’t trust me then we better not have this relationship. I told you I’m no longer with him. What I’m doing with him now is to con him to give you a job.”

I read all the messages and I didn’t see my name in connection with a job. I pleaded with her to leave him. She pleaded with me to stop going through her phone. Later she did the right thing. She changed her password but didn’t change her dubious ways. That made me shaky in the relationship. I didn’t have control. I didn’t have a say. I didn’t have a future. I was like a baby’s breath, ephemeral.

One day she came out boldly to tell me it was over. “It’s over because you don’t trust me any more but what’s a relationship without trust? We better let it go so both of us can be free. I wish you well. You’re a good man. You will find a woman who won’t cheat on you.”

I begged her to stay. I pleaded for more time to get things right as if I was the one who did the wrong things. “Mina, don’t leave me. When you leave me, nothing will ever be the same. It’s like you’re taking my sunshine away, I beg you.”

She walked out never to return.

I was in a dark place because I convinced myself she was my light. Everything came to a standstill because I convinced myself that without her nothing will ever be the same. I didn’t go out for three days. I don’t remember I ate anything within those days. My mom was worried. I told her I was sick. My dad came home with drugs one day but those drugs didn’t work because they were not meant to heal a broken heart. For several weeks, I felt lost.

One day, I was bathing when I started laughing at myself, “So, I’m brokenhearted? Me? A whole me I allowed myself to go through this because of a woman? She’s been gone for weeks but what has changed? Nothing. The sun still shines and the moon comes when it’s evening. What’s the point? Look at the soap on my skin, it still lathers. Water feels like water on my skin, what’s the point? Emom paaa diɛ.

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So I called Mina on the phone with a cheerful heart. She didn’t pick up. I  sent her a message, “I’m shocked about what’s happening in my life right now. Do you remember I told you nothing will ever be the same when you leave me? Please pick up my call and let’s talk.”

She called in the evening and I told her, “I’m shocked. Today I bathed and the soap form a lather on my skin. Even water felt like water on my skin. I ate kenkey and a fish with some spicy pepper and the taste was the same but I told you nothing will ever be the same when you leave me. It looks like I lied.”

She chuckled. I laughed. She said, “So it’s that the reason you asked me to call you? To tell me this nonsense?” I said, “Oh naaa, not that. I’m shocked that’s why.” She said angrily, “Get a job. That’s the most important thing. Useless man.” I replied, “Ahuuh, that’s one of the things that still remains the same. You’re gone and I’m still without a job but I said nothing would ever be the…”

She cut the call. I laughed to myself and felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off my chest. Love is a burden we place on our hearts. It’s like giving a child an excessive load to carry. We stay in love and unfurl the flag of poetic dreams so we can say things we don’t have to say to the one we love.

Things like, “Nothing will ever be the same blah blah blah” and “I can’t live without you” and “You’re the centre of my world and the air I breathe.” These are the lies that cause us heartbreak when love comes to an end. If we convince ourselves that another human being is responsible for the air we breathe, then we’ll suffer in their absence. I understood why someone said we should walk in love and not fall in it. He who is down is closer to the mud.

I learned to move on. I pursued the act of job search diligently until I found one. When I got a job, I called Mina. It didn’t go through. I called another day and her phone gave me the same feedback. I understood I’d been blocked but I sent her a message; “I know I’m being petty but I called to tell you I have a job. Nothing will ever be the same indeed.”

I don’t know if she read it or not but I was happy to keep her updated.

We Agreed To Be Friends With Benefit | Silent Beads

I haven’t seen or heard from her in a long while but one day when I marry, I will update her. She has to know that indeed, nothing stayed the same when she left. I even got married. “Nothing will ever be the same…” will be true then because when she left a lot of things remained the same but many things also changed. Life is like that. Things change. Things die. Some things never change but it’s not because someone left. It’s because life goes on no matter who stopped loving you.

—Ankara G.H

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