The moment I touch his phone, he transforms into a beastly version of himself and starts yelling at me; “I told you not to touch my phone so why are you doing it?”. We could be having a good time bonding as a couple but the mood would change drastically. Simply because I defied him and touched his phone without his permission. If his phone is ringing and it is closer to me than it is to him, he would shout; “If the name on the screen is someone from my family then you can pick it up. If it is not, then don’t touch the phone.” I don’t understand why he behaves as if his phone is the holiest of holies and I am the worst sinner to ever live so I dare not touch it unless he tells me to.
This man I am married to is a wonderful man. He comes from a very good and loving family. The entire family has been kind to me since we got married. They would tell me, “You are one of us now. And we always look out for our own. If someone messes with you, they mess with us. So don’t hesitate to come to us if you need anything.” I thought they were just saying it to be polite but I have spent enough time around them to know that everything they told me is something they practice. They are the kind of people who would fight my battles for me and stick their necks out for me if I call on them for help. I don’t doubt they love me.
I know my husband loves me too. There is nothing I want that he won’t give to me. I believe he is the best man in the world. But we are told that no one is perfect. Or that we could never get the perfect partner. Someone even said if you meet a man who has it all, he is a psychopath who will probably kill you. So I know my husband cannot be perfect, and I accept his flaws as they come. In return, he tries his best to make me happy. Except I am not completely happy. I am a little sad on the inside. I believe I will experience true happiness if he gives me the password to his phone.
We are married. The Bible even says the two shall become one. This is why I don’t understand why we can’t have unrestricted access to each other’s phones. I give him my phone to use whenever he wants to. He sees whatever he wants to see on it. Yet the moment he sees me near his phone he starts throwing tantrums, “What do you want with my phone? What are you looking for?” This is not the kind of marriage I signed up for. I want a relationship where we are both transparent with and accountable to each other. Is that impossible to attain?
READ ALSO: There’s A Woman Pursuing My Marriage In The Spiritual Realm
Aside from the phone issue, this man is always sitting behind his laptop working. He could sit there for hours, and not be moved by anything to get up. Even if he just returned from work, he would set up his computer and say, “Let me catch up on some work I brought home.” Sometimes I would wait for him to finish for us to go to bed together. Other times too I go to bed without him. I would sleep and wake up and find his side of the bed empty, only to go online and find him active. All these signs are making my mind wander places but I have not brought my suspicions before him.
What is even making me more insecure is the fact that my sister-in-law is doing business with my husband’s ex. I wouldn’t have been so concerned if this ex is married but she is not. She is very single and probably available. My husband is close to his sister so he must know about her dealings with his ex. Sometimes, I wonder if they meet each other at his sister’s place. And the thought makes me anxious. Neither my husband nor his sister knows that I am aware his ex is still in their lives.
Should Men Continue To Pay Bride Price? | Beads Media
There are times I want to confront my sister-in-law but my sister always tells me, “Calm down. Some of these things are not necessary. Maybe they forged a friendship during the period your husband was with this ex. So your sister-in-law kept being her friend after the breakup. Just focus on your marriage and forget about everything else.” I don’t want to believe my husband is cheating on me but his iron-clad possession of his phone is breeding doubts about his fidelity in my mind. I am very confused and need to be advised on how to handle everything that is going on. Please tell me, do I have cause to be concerned?
–Dufie
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
#SB
The bible says an eye for an eye right? So you too start guarding your phone. Change the password. Don’t let him pick some of your calls that are not from your family. Let him feel how you feel in that way without talking. But frankly why do you want to go look for trouble where there is none? Can’t you just enjoy your marriage without trying to touch his phone? Its very probably that he is not cheating but pay be an online scummer or fraudster and doesn’t want you to know. So just assume that his phone doesn’t exist and enjoy your marriage. If i were you i wouldn’t even bother to pick it up for him if its closer to me and its ringing. Just for peace.
You’ll never rest until one day you’ll get into his phone and everything will blow up in your face. What at all are you looking for on his phone ? Just concentrate on enjoying your marriage and leave his phone alone.
shouldn’t you be asking the obvious question? which is… why is he so guarded about his phone the wife allows him to have access to his phone. its indicative of someone hiding something from you. its a no brainer. If this husband has nothing to hide, there is no reason why he should be so restrictive of his phone. I am not saying he is cheating but he could be.
At the appointed time, the ‘evidence’ you need will fall into your lap without any struggle. In the meantime, just clear your mind and enjoy your marriage. Trying to dig for info could create problems.
Hello Dufie,
Your husband is being a hypocrite if he has unrestricted access to your phone but he throws tempter tantrums when you try to get into his phone. I am not saying he is cheating but his behavior is indicative of someone who is hiding something. It shouldn’t be a big deal for a husband to give the wife the password to his phone if his conscience is clear. A good marriage can only be founded on Trust and if he does not see that, then he is immature and needs some talking to. My suggestion to you is to have this conversation with him.
Do not set any password on your phone it may create a picture that does not even exist ,you are a lady of class you Don’t go around trying to invade your husband’s privacy, also if you do what he is doing you are no better than him. Itself like when taking a bath outside and a mad man comes and takes your bathing cloth and you chase him you are seen as a mad person show him the difference by not doing what he is doing. For all you may know you not touching his phone will prevent him from going into his beastly mode. One thing about advice is that if it’s good you benefit from it, but when is bad the one who gave the advice will advice will leave you to suffer and alone meanwhile he or she is the one who gave you such advice. Mind you humans are wicked the one one who gave the advice might want the destruction of your marriage, when given advice please think twice about it before you do anything. Do not go looking for ghost where there aren’t any. You doing all these will searching on his phone will worsen things.Stay back and do your thing as long as he is good you have nothing to worry about.
She has not told us his work. I am a health professional, I like technology and I like to read. That means I spend hours each day on PC and phone at home. I make money sometimes from installing and configuring systems for private and even govt facilities.
Cos am a health worker, people send me their issues, from infertility, infection, depression etc. My wife should not expect to be allowed to read these.
I also deal with facilities where sometimes there’s pressure on you to get them something from contracts won fairly. Some of these discussions you won’t want your wife reading them cos you will be surprised the learnt “big men” will go just to extract 500 cedis.
It does not mean the hubby is cheating. Now come to think of it, if the man wants to date his ex, what can the wife do? The wife can read the chats but he will still go out and fuck her. That’s why she’s just being unreasonable.
Why not focus on your marriage but rather his phone. What benefit are you getting from the phone should you have his phone? Assuming he is cheating and you find out he is are you going to divorce him? What if he’s not cheating will that set your heart at ease? Just live your life the best that you can. Obsession with his phone is not helping you in anyway.
Whatever he’s doing on his phone shouldn’t be your concern. What if he gives you his password and delete everything he does on the phone, some men are like that. I am talking from experience. He knows u know the password so u will see him chatting only to get hold of the phone and see no chats on his phone except the ones between you and him so in my opinion, just forget about it and live your life, let things flow naturally.
Before trying to check your boyfriend’s phone, I’d suggest you calm your nerves and go through this article—> https://qr.ae/pyFsBL as it helped me overcome the anxiety of knowing what he might have been doing behind my back, it really helped as my instinct was right.
Thank you for sharing the link, it was a lifesaver.