My husband complains that I don’t wake up early.  He says I always look tired around the house. I try to explain to him that our one-and-a-half-year-old daughter doesn’t sleep early. She usually wakes up in the middle of the night to play. By the time she falls asleep at dawn, I am exhausted. This is why I usually wake up late and tired in the mornings.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

Instead of lending me a helping hand, he calls me a liar.

“You are using the baby as an excuse to be lazy. You don’t like to do any work.”

When he says these things, I try not to respond and provoke him. Lest it triggers his bad temper and causes him to insult me anyhow.

The truth is, if I knew he was this cold-hearted, I never would have married him. Or I would have kept our marriage long-distance. We have two children. I delivered both of them through C.S. The birth of our son happened back home with my family in Africa. It was after I joined him here in the Caribbeans that I had our daughter.

I spent three days in the hospital before I got discharged. At the time, his 90-year-old mother lived with us. But at her age, she couldn’t have done anything to help us. I was hungry but there was no food. I waited in my room for my husband to come and check up on us but he didn’t show up. I had to trudge to the living room where he was watching TV with his mother, and tell the woman that I was hungry.

She turned to her son and said, “Your wife is hungry. Go to the kitchen and cook something for her.”

He retorted, “If she can walk from her room to the hall to say she’s hungry, then she can go to the kitchen and cook for herself.”

His mother was furious and scolded him, “Have you forgotten that she just returned from the hospital? “That night it was porridge he made for me. I didn’t say anything. I just drank it and went to bed.

The next morning, he didn’t show up at my room. By  9 a.m. I was so hungry. I went to the living room, to find him watching TV. He didn’t even ask, “How are you?” Or at least, “How is the baby doing?” I got his message loud and clear. I had to cook for myself even though I was still in pain from the C-section.

About two weeks after delivery, our daughter was still having trouble sleeping at night. I did my best to calm her, but she kept crying. Eventually, I took her to her father’s room and woke him up. He looked at us, changed position, and went back to sleep.

I tapped him again and asked him to help me. He asked me, “Do I have breasts to feed the child?” I was hurt but I held myself together till I got to my room. Then I collapsed onto my bed and wept. He made me miss my family so much.

When I had my first child in Africa, I was surrounded by my family. I didn’t lift a finger for the first three months. My only job was to eat, rest, and breastfeed. Everything else was taken care of.

I am the last of nine children, so I grew up with a soft life. My parents and siblings pampered me as anyone would a princess. Only for me to marry a man who is the complete opposite of my family.

Sometimes he doesn’t feed our son until I wake up and feed him. One time I was so exhausted that I woke up at 10 a.m. This man still didn’t feed the boy. He said it wasn’t his job to feed him. I was shocked. This is his own son we are talking about.

I asked him, “What’s the point of being a couple if you can’t even feed your own child when I’m unavailable? Shouldn’t you at least ask why I woke up late?” He dismissed me. According to him, I exaggerate everything as if I’m the only woman who has ever given birth.

“My mother had six children yet she never complained.”

I told him, “I’m not your mother. Don’t compare me to her.”

“What if I wasn’t home? Who would take care of the boy then?”

“But you are home now. So do what needs to be done.”

The back and forth went on until I turned away from him and focused on taking care of the children.

While I was attending to the kids, he sat on the couch and yelled, “Since I am the only one providing for the household, I won’t add house chores or child care to my responsibilities.”

I cried that day. I cry a lot in this house. His family is aware of his behaviour, but he doesn’t listen to anyone. So they tell me to be patient. Because he has money, he acts as if money is everything.

Why would a man reduce his role as a husband and father to only provision? What happened to being present as a partner and a parent?

For instance, the other night around 11 p.m., he was watching TV and our daughter was still awake. I brought her to him and went upstairs to rest for a bit. A few minutes later, something pressed on me to go check on them. When I did, I heard him insulting me while holding our daughter:

“She came and dumped you here and went to sleep like a dog. Now you’re here boring me.”

I asked him, “Why are you insulting me? What did I do? Weren’t you the one who said I use the child as an excuse to be lazy in the morning? That’s why I brought her to you. If you take care of her for the night, you’ll understand.”

Instead of seeing sense, he insulted me again. He said I have no brain. According to him, any woman can open her legs and get pregnant, and if God gave children only to intelligent women, I wouldn’t have any.

“I thought I married a woman, not knowing you are a child.”

READ ALSO: The Dark Shadow Comes For Me Every Time I Sleep

My whole life, I never dreamed I’d get married and later consider divorce. Now, I am in a place where I believe leaving this marriage is the best decision for me.

After all, I am not his first wife. I am the fourth. I didn’t even know he had been married three times before me. He only told me he was divorced with two kids. I wouldn’t have married him if I knew three women had married him and left him already.

How The Death Of Our Son Nearly Brought Our Marriage To An End

The painful part is that he stopped me from working. I guess his intention was to use money to control me. I remember mentioning divorce to him during an argument. He threatened to make sure I never see my children again if I tried leaving.

Considering he is the one who has all the money, I can’t do much when it comes to leaving. The first one is only three, while the girl is 18 months old. They are too young for me to destabilise their childhood. I am just hanging on till I get my feet planted financially. He won’t see it coming. One day he will wake up and find divorce papers in his mail.

—Trudy

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB