I’m 21 years old and still studying. I come from a strict Christian family, and as the only daughter, my parents have placed a lot of expectations on me, especially when it comes to marriage. I once had a conversation with my mom, and I could tell she didn’t want me to get married early. She didn’t say it directly, but her tone and choice of words made it clear.

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The thing is, I love marriage. Not in a fairytale kind of way, but in a grounded and realistic way. I’ve watched several marriages, including my parents’, and I understand the struggles. I know it’s not easy. I know it’s a journey filled with growth and challenges. Even with all that, I still want it. If anything, I want it sooner rather than later.

I met this guy in school; let’s call him X. He’s mature, loving, and emotionally present. I’ve studied him for a while, and I genuinely admire his personality. He provides even though he doesn’t have much. He manages anger well; he doesn’t yell or get violent, and he stays calm. He listens, he’s gentle, and he’s caring. Of course, he has flaws, but no one is perfect.

We’re not dating yet, but we talk a lot about our future, about marriage and kids and building a life together. We agreed to start dating after school. Honestly, this man is everything. I’ve started having feelings for him, and those feelings have started manifesting physically. Sometimes I wish he would just kiss me, but he’s careful and always dodges that question.

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Let me take you back a bit. I’ve always been a romantic girl. I’ve written romantic books, and yes, I have a high libido. If I had to rate it, I’d say it’s a seven. I’ve been intimate in the past, but it didn’t go well. I was either in pain or uncomfortable, and that made me resent sex. But this guy brought it all back. I find myself fantasising about him and dreaming about him. He’s so gentle, and that’s part of the problem. He wants to wait until marriage.

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I feel stranded. I can’t be intimate with anyone else. I can’t even kiss someone I don’t love, let alone be intimate. I’ve thought about buying toys, but I know that won’t end well. The worst part is that I know I would survive if he left, but I don’t want to lose him. My libido is so high right now that I’ve started contemplating early marriage.

I brought it up with him, and he mentioned finances and the need to grow up first. That’s okay, but I’m really doubting if I can wait five years. I’ve been celibate for a while, and it was easy when I despised sex. Now that he’s in the picture, I can’t think straight.

I need advice. Should I get married early? Should I wait? How do I manage these feelings without losing myself or the connection we’re building?

—Ella

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