I met Albert at a program and we became friends. At first, I thought we were going to be just friends but along the line, things changed. He called often and texted first thing in the morning and the last thing in the evening. I suspected he liked me but he wasn’t saying anything so I refused to assume. Everything he did made it obvious that he liked me. For instance, he would call me in the night and it would be call waiting. Later when I pick his call, all his questions would be centered on who was calling and whether it was a woman or a man. If I told him it was a man, he would say something like, “Is he my rival?”

So I was waiting for the day he would gather the courage and say it as it is. Then one evening, he called to tell me he had something to say but he was finding it difficult to say it. I told him, “Just say it. I don’t bite and I don’t swallow so what could be the worse case for you?” Then he said, “Ok wait, I will text it to you.” I waited all night and that text never came. I didn’t ask about it and he didn’t say anything about it too. A month or so later, while I was in church busily praying, this guy texted me. When the prayer ended, I picked my phone and read what it was. He said, “I’ve known you for a while now and I think you’re the kind of woman I would love to have in my life. I hope there’s no one already there.”

I responded, “How long did it take you to plan this? Anyway, I’m in church. I will call when I close.”

After church, he called asking me to respond. I said, “It took you a long while to be able to say this, right? That’s because it wasn’t easy for you. You had to be sure. Could you also give me some time to think about it? To also be sure about some petty things?” He asked, “How long?” I said, “As long as it’s comfortable for me to reach a better conclusion.” He agreed. 

Honestly, I liked him too. He had been a better man for all the times that I’d known him. He called me more than anyone did. He gave me a lot of advice and when something bothered my mind, I spoke to him about it. I was sure about him as a friend but as a boyfriend, I wasn’t sure. That was what I needed the time for. Some men are good at being friends. You have to do everything to keep them as friends. The day you upgrade them to become boyfriends, they change. Marry your friend they say but not all friends are worth dating. 

On my twenty-eighth birthday, he sent me a long happy birthday message and asked me, “What’s up for tonight? You have anything planned?” I said, “No, there’s nothing planned. I would just go home after work, drink some juice and sleep like today never happened.” He said, “It’s your birthday.” I said, “I know but there’s nothing I can do. No party and no outing. It’s just going to be an ordinary day.” He said, “Then let me take you out. There’s a nice place I discovered recently. We could sit, eat something, drink something to celebrate the night.” I responded, “Why not? I’m all for it.”

So after work that day, I went home, freshen up, and wore a dress I hadn’t worn for so long because it was for a special occasion. I got to the place before he got there. I chose a seat, sat down, and waited for him. Some minutes later he came around. He said, “Happy birthday, and I’m sorry I’m late.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and I smiled girlishly. He made his order and I made mine. It was a beautiful night. I loved the food and I loved the music. Most importantly, I loved his presence and the conversations we had. He said a lot of funny stuff and I had a good laugh about it.

We were done eating. The waitress came to clear our table and later brought the bill. Immediately he saw the bill, he said, “Let’s split it.” My heart dropped and my face fell. I asked, “What did you say?” As if I didn’t hear him the first time. He said, “You forget the split. I’m going to pay GHC200 so you add the GHC160.” I was so shocked I didn’t know what else to say. I told him, “You forget it, I will pay.” I thought he was going to stop me or even insist on paying what he suggested to pay at first but he simply said, “Ok that’s fine. Woman empowerment!” Then he laughed. 

I didn’t have that much on me so I asked the waitress, “Do you accept Visa?” She responded, “Oh yeah we do.” He sat there pressing on his phone while I inserted my card and paid for what he ate and mine. At the entrance, I told him, “It was nice seeing you.” He said, “Nice seeing you too.” I picked a taxi and left. 

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I couldn’t hold myself together. I just couldn’t understand what just happened and the surprising thing was, he wasn’t smart enough to notice the change in my mood. Maybe he did and simply ignored it. If that was the case then it’s even worse. I got home, showered, and went to bed with my heart blazing with anger. He called. He said, “I hope you enjoyed yourself?” I said, “Of course I enjoyed MYSELF. After all,  there was nothing else to enjoy.” Still, he didn’t say anything about my mood change.

One day he asked about his proposal. I said, “No, I can’t date someone like you.” He said, “What do you mean someone like me?” I said, “Someone who doesn’t notice the temper in his woman and see the change in her attitude. Someone who would take a woman out and ask to split the bill. All you know is to talk. Little action. So no I can’t date you.” He was quiet for a while. He asked, “So it’s about that night?” I said, “It’s about that night and more.” He laughed and said, “Didn’t you realize I was joking with you? I was only checking to see if you were marriage material and what you did is proof that you are beyond marriage material.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You carry a woman to YOUR favorite place and ask her to pay the bill? And you call it a joke? Who does that? What if I didn’t have money? What if the place you took me to was beyond me? What kind of cowardice is that?”

He said, “If that offended you then I’m sorry.” I said, “Apology accepted. It ends here. We can continue being friends but we can’t date. I’m sorry.”

Even after our last conversation, I tried to open my heart and see if I could bring myself to love him but what he did that night kept flashing my mind. He kept coming around, increasing the rate of his pursuit but my mind was closed and my heart folded up. I said no. It’s been several months now but he keeps coming around hoping I’ll change my mind but I doubt. I can’t seem to forget what happened that night.  

—Elena

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