Sam was my roommate’s friend at the University. Although I exchanged pleasantries with him every time he came to visit, I never joined their conversations. I would usually leave them in the hall and just go into my room. On one of his visits, I was in my room with a coursemate who challenged me to take Sam’s number and strike an acquaintance with him. I thought about my friend’s suggestion that night and stole his number from my roommate’s phone.

It was a little after a year before I got around to calling him. He was surprised when I introduced myself. I remember telling him that day, “Sam, I believe that you are my future husband.” And we laughed about it. He was done with his National Service at the time, while I was preparing to start mine.

We had several phone conversations after my first call. Soon enough, we couldn’t go a day without talking to each other. I didn’t expect it to happen but I grew fond of him. Within a couple of months, we started dating. Our love was so pure. I remember how we spent every other Sunday evening on the rooftop of my grandparents’ house in Dansoman. We would either watch movies or eat and just talk about the future.

I loved Sam because he was intelligent and hardworking. He had a plan for his life and he was doing his best to achieve them. I was committed to sticking by his side through thick and thin while supporting him to achieve those dreams. I loved being his number-one fan. Lord knows I had no intention of walking away from him.

However, Sam had a habit of pushing me away whenever he was upset about something. Whether I was the one who offended him or he was the one who disagreed with me, he wouldn’t talk about it. He would just be gone for however long he wanted. All the while he is away, he wouldn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. I hated it when this happened.

I remember having several conversations with him about how badly his behaviour affected me. He would tell me, “I don’t mean to hurt you but that’s how I deal with my feelings. I will do my best to change.” I was understanding at first but he showed no signs of change. I tried to hold on but it was hard to cope. It felt like I was the only one in the relationship. And when I stopped trying, things fell apart.

After my national service, I was retained by the organisation and posted to Koforidua. Around this time, I received a call from Sam one evening. I was surprised but I kept my calm as I asked, “What’s going on?” He calmly said, “This apology is long overdue but I need to deliver it. Please forgive me for the way things ended between us. I should have done better after one year together.” I didn’t think he knew things ended badly. I also didn’t want to talk about the past. So I told him, “It’s fine. I had high expectations for us but it’s all water under the bridge now.”

My focus was on the present and the future. I wanted to build my career and work on becoming a better person. While I was doing this, he called every once in a while to check up on me. One evening, he texted me that he was in my neighbourhood. He asked if he could come see me. That was when I told him that I had relocated to Koforidua. After a while, he called to apologise again for how he treated me. “Is there a chance you will take me back? I want another chance to do things right,” he proposed. I told him, “No, I am not interested in getting back with you.”

Although that wasn’t the answer he wanted, we stayed friends. I got into a few relationships along the line but none of them worked out. So I resorted to keeping to myself.

One day I wrote on my WhatsApp status “sometimes…”. A few minutes later, Sam replied to my status, “Sometimes, I do think about you a lot.” I responded, “Gerrout.”

Occasionally, he would chat with me on WhatsApp and I politely indulged him, until about three months ago when we brought up our first failed relationship. He told me he was unhappy back then because anytime we kissed on that rooftop, he wanted something more. He concluded that I wouldn’t give him what he wanted so he never asked for it. And when his desires got the better of him he tamed it by ghosting me. That’s why at some point he stopped trying to make things work.

“This is why there’s something called communication,” I remember telling him, “Instead of talking about your needs, you made a decision for me that broke my heart in the end. My cousin always asks why we didn’t work out, and I haven’t been able to answer her.” We talked about how we’ve accomplished some of our goals. I encouraged him not to give up on the ones he is yet to achieve.

We also talked about our love lives. I opened up to him about my failed relationships. And he asked if I fancy getting back together with him. I responded, “No, I don’t want slim children. We are both slim so that’s very likely.” We laughed about it, but after the laughter died down I got serious. I let him understand that I am not interested in a relationship that won’t lead anywhere, seeing as I’ve had enough of that already. He argued, “Adoma, you have to know that I have changed a lot over the past five years. I have grown taller, more mature and wiser.”

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Judging from our conversations, I believed he was indeed a better version of the Sam I used to know. Even his sense of humour had changed. I realized I was attracted to this new and improved version of him. So I gave us another chance. I left the past behind and we started again on a clean slate.

All was well with our rekindled love until a month ago when we had a little misunderstanding. He wanted to visit me in Koforidua and we had set a date for that. However, my school timetable was released and I noticed my exams clashed with the date so I sent him a screenshot of it on WhatsApp. I expected us to talk about it and reschedule but this guy didn’t reply to the screenshot.

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I noticed a change in his attitude after that time. He became moody and spoke less. I brought it up and he denied it, and claimed he was fine but I knew he was lying. I decided to give him space and for two days I did not hear from him. I sent him a voice note via WhatsApp calling him out for lying about being moody. He replied the next day and admitted that he has been off since I sent him the screenshot of my timetable.

He is disappointed because he was looking forward to the visit. “I need some time to recover,” he concluded. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a month and a week now and I haven’t heard from him. I guess he is still recovering from the disappointment. My question is, if he can be moody over an issue as simple as my timetable clashing with his visit which can be rescheduled, then what other mood spells will he exhibit going forward? If we encounter a big problem, how long will it take him to recover from it? Will I be right to move on or should I wait for him to come around?

—Adoma

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