Nana’s story inspired me to share mine. This is what happened. I met Owuraku on a WhatsApp group in December 2019. He sent me a direct message and we became friends. Right from the beginning he said he wanted to be with me. I took it as a joke and always laughed it off. This is someone I had never met or had a video call with. How could he be serious? Oh, but he was.

In the latter part of 2019, he reminded me of his proposal. This time around, he wasn’t joking. I had developed so I gave him a chance. Things were good between us although I lived in Accra and he lived in the North.

I never felt the need to ask him for money because I have a very supportive family. And he never offered me anything. We planned that he would visit me but Covid-19 happened and his plans had to be postponed. After a while, he started talking about marriage. I felt it was too soon but he said, “Us men, we know what we want. And when we find it we don’t waste time.” I didn’t argue with him.

When the restrictions were lifted, it coincided with his leave period so he invited me to his brother’s home in Kumasi. I didn’t want to sit in a bus for long hours so I chose to fly. He said ok and we agreed on the dates. I sent him my itinerary before paying for the ticket and he replied that he was in the middle of a work meeting so I can go ahead and buy the ticket. So I paid for a one-way ticket to Kumasi thinking that he would pay for the return journey.

I went to Kumasi and stayed in one of my parents’ homes while he stayed at his brother’s place. We met, went to the market together, got foodstuffs and I prepared soups and stews for us to eat during my stay. The one time I got us to buy street food, he had a long phone call so by the time the food was ready for collection, I had to pay for it.

He introduced me to his whole family and convinced me to add an extra day to my trip so he returns to Accra with me, to know where I live. He then insisted that we drive to Accra with his elder brother’s car. We packed the stews I made and cooked rice and ate it on our journey when he made short stops.

A few months later he was back in Accra, and this time around it was to perform my knocking rites. He took a domestic flight to Accra so I went to pick him up at the airport. He said he had to do some rounds in Accra before he would meet my parents the next day. I was driving, which means I had to drive him around. He told me, “I want to see how well you drive so let’s go to Tema.” I agreed to go, but first, we went to his elder brother’s house.

When we got to his elder brother’s house, I told him that I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet so I’d like to buy waakye. His brother quickly directed us to a nice waakye joint and asked that we buy some for him. He gave him money and we left. At the waakye joint, there was a long queue but he was in front of me and we were chatting. When it got to his turn, he bought two packs of waakye and stepped aside.

The seller looked at me and said, “Yessss?” I turned to him and he said I should buy what I want. I thought he had given her enough money for mine but he didn’t. I felt so confused but I paid anyway. When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t know how I liked it. I wasn’t happy but I ate in silence and tried not to jump to conclusions.

After eating, I drove him around for his errands from 11:00 AM to 6:00 PM. By then, my fuel tank had moved from full tank to quarter, so I told him that I had to get fuel. We got to the filling station and I asked him for money for fuel. Owuraku brought out his wallet, counted the money in it, and then started lamenting about all the things he needs to do with his money. After that, he said, “Sorry, I can’t help you out.” He then put the money back into his pocket.

I was too stunned to react. I had to pay for my own fuel with Momo at the station. Then I let him know that I’m hungry, but he ignored my suggestions to get food. All he said was that they cooked some riped plantain with stew in the house so he would serve me some when we get to his brother’s house. I was livid, but I maintained a calm exterior. It didn’t help matters that there was no food when we got to his brother’s house.

Owura is the kind of person who is polite to a fault. He always says “Please” when he is talking to me. And he doesn’t mind taking care of me when I’m sick. He made me understand that there is nothing about me that will ever put him off. My only problem with him was his stinginess. I complained and he changed a little.

We had to pay monthly dues of GHC10 for the Whatsapp group we were on. So he took it upon himself to pay mine for me. He also sent me documents in which I was on his health insurance as his partner so I could get free medical care. This made me believe that I was too quick to judge him.

Shortly after that, I gained admission to further my education. Out of excitement, I sent him a photo of my admission letter which contained my fees for the academic year. All of a sudden, this guy started complaining that his finances were low. He even sent me a picture of an Ecobank loan agreement that they were deducting from his salary. He also listed all his financial obligations to his family.

It didn’t end there, he was in a bad mood for days. I didn’t understand what was going on until I figured he was acting that way because he saw my school fees. He must have gotten the wrong message. So I set out to put things straight. “You’re behaving this way because you think I would ask you for money for school. Rest your head. My daddy has already paid my fees. My brothers have also sent me enough money for books and accommodation so I will live in the hostel. And my mom has bought all the provisions I need for my first few months. So relax.”

After that confrontation, he started acting all lovey-dovey again. But at that point, I began to worry about my future with him. Is he someone who would take of me? He is an engineer and had been working for at least five years when I met him. Yet he always had stories to tell when it came to money.

There was a time he sent me a Microsoft spreadsheet of all the expenses he made on me. He put the health insurance he added me to, on the list. There was also the fuel he bought for our return trip from Kumasi, and even the GHC10 he paid in the group contributions. When I saw this I laughed uncontrollably. I was surprised that everyone around this guy swore he was the kindest, sweetest and best buddy anyone could ever have.

Of course, I couldn’t tell my parents that I was breaking up with Owura because he’s stingy. I felt they wouldn’t understand me. So I needed a more acceptable reason. That was when I started snooping around and found evidence of him cheating. I was still contemplating what to do with that discovery when my parents asked to see me.

My parents had observed that I was losing weight so they called to find out what was going on. I couldn’t hold back. I explained everything that was going on in the relationship. Just as I suspected, they didn’t understand me. They said, “Owura is a good guy. Maybe he is just struggling financially. We will help you.” They asked for our wedding budget and I gave it to them.

The next day my mum gave me the first down payment so we could start preparations. They also offered to give us their house to stay in till we were ready to get our own place. They assured me that they would support us the best way they could.

I told him about it expecting him to come up with a plan on how we would save and not have to take the house from my parents but no. He called my dad that very day to express his gratitude.

I thought deeply about the situation and then hatched a plan to force him to be responsible. I told him that the house my parents offered would only be available to us for two years. I also made up a story that the house had several problems so we should use the money we would have used for rent to fix the house. He said, “Okay, we can do it small small.”

Later, I told him that it would be best if we just got our own place. He kicked against it and talked so much about the vicious cycle of renting. And that it would be hard to save to build when we rent. I asked where we would live after marriage then. He said he would be at his workstation up North and I would live in the hostel and my parents’ house. He even added that I shouldn’t worry about travelling, he would do the visiting.

At this point, I said, “No, we can’t marry only for you to come and sleep with me in my parents’ house.” His response was, “If that’s the case then we’ll have to hold on with the wedding till I’m ready to get us accommodation.”

That became his new trick. The moment we get into a misunderstanding, he would threaten to break off our engagement, and then shout at me. I remember how I prayed fervently about him. I told God to make him mess up so badly that he won’t be able to show his face in my house. I then broke off the relationship in my heart and stopped entertaining his calls. I only answered when he called me repeatedly.

Just when I was about to inform my parents that there would be no wedding, he revealed his true colours. He was yelling at me on the phone because of a little misunderstanding. My daddy overheard him and asked, “Maame, is that Owuraku?” When I said yes, he shouted, “Whaaat?” That was when my dad understood my fears.

While all this was going on, he offered to contribute GHC300 monthly for about 6 months toward the wedding. He also said he would only pay for the items on the list, and I said fine. Since I was supposed to pay for everything else, I asked him to pay for my wedding dress as well. He went and came back to renegotiate the items on my list. He said we should reduce it. Yet he wanted two hundred guests at the wedding. And I was supposed to pay for the food, drinks, decorations, DJ, and everything else.

I found the whole situation funny. But I decided not to let him go without receiving compensation for the stress he put me through. So one day I called him and complained about having car troubles. We were strained and he wanted to mend things between us so he sent me GHC1,000 to help sort out my issue. It was the first and last money I ever got from him.

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After I received the money, I sent him evidence of his cheating and called him out on his miserly behaviour. Then I ended the relationship. He was so upset that he sent me insults. I saw it and blocked him on WhatsApp. He wasn’t satisfied so he sent me a regular text message with more insults. I had to block him everywhere to shut him out.

This guy went to the admin of our WhatsApp group and demanded a refund for all the contributions he made for me. It was GHC70. It didn’t end there.

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Months later, my mom called me laughing so hard. Why? Owuraku reached out to my dad and told my dad that I left him because I was following advice from friends. He said he was willing to forgive me and take me back so my dad should speak sense to me. According to my mom, my usually calm dad lost his cool and blasted him. My mom and I couldn’t stop laughing. So before my mom passed, if she wanted me to laugh she’d ask me “Eii, so is that Owuraku guy still on this earth?” And we would both start laughing.

I know I dodged a bullet by letting him go. However, his behaviour has made me very cautious. I’ve been unable to muster the courage to introduce any other person to my family after him. I always want to be sure the person is the one, so I don’t come across as an unserious person to them.

—Maame Abena

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