I was twenty when I agreed to be his second wife. We are all Muslims so polygamy is not frowned upon in our faith. All I had was a high school certificate, but that was not a problem for him. He promised to set up a business for me and take good care of me. I was also in love with him. That’s why I said yes.

It’s been five years since we’ve been married, and he has delivered on some of his promises. He built a house at a new site for me and our baby to live in. He lives with us sometimes, and goes to spend time with my metamour other times. We both have access to him, except on days we get into a fight.

Whenever we have a disagreement, he would pack his stuff and go and live with her for as long as he wants to. The entire time he is away, he wouldn’t even call to check up on our baby who isn’t even two years old. I have tried to talk to him not to be behaving this way but he doesn’t listen to me. It doesn’t seem to matter to him that I am pregnant with our second child, so he shouldn’t abandon me and our child at a new site just because he is angry with me.

Recently, we had a disagreement about a car that he bought for me. I was using the car to get around. It came in handy when I had to go to the shop he opened for me. It’s quite a distance from our house to the shop, so the car really helped. My husband came for the car and gave it to his brother to use for a while. A while turned into two months. and he still didn’t return the car. I had to trek or pick a motorbike whenever I had to go somewhere and he was at my metamour’s place.

So I called him and said, “I have to go to antenatal clinic this week. And seeing as you’ve given my car to your brother, I will be needing yours.” He objected to it. He told me, “It will not be possible for me to give you my car. I also need it. So when you are ready to go to the hospital, I will call a motorbike to pick you up.” This made me angry, but I didn’t say anything. Nonetheless, when the opportunity itself, I hid his car keys.

We argued over the keys for about thirty minutes before I gave it to him. After he took the keys he called his younger brother and told him that he should go and lock up my shop. He said it was my punishment for challenging him. “This will serve as a lesson for you to listen to your husband next time.” As I’m typing this right now, my shop has been locked for almost a week now.

It’s a new business I have started. How will I retail the few customers I have struggled to gain if he makes it a habit of locking my shop when I make him angry? It hurts me that he is not thinking about how his actions are affecting the business.

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It’s taken me this long to realize that I am married to a man who abandons our child and me when he is angry. He seizes my car as well. And now he locks my shop too. I don’t know if this is how all married men treat their wives, or if it is only my husband who behaves like this. If you are upset, can’t you talk about it like an adult for us to work things out? Why must you be petty and act like a toddler who has been denied his favorite toy?

After what I have experienced at his hands, my future and that of my kids are not secured if I have to rely on only the business for survival. He will keep shutting down so it will collapse when my customers get tired of meeting my absence.

I Lost My Virginity When I Was Seventeen

To be safe, I am considering enrolling in a distance education program, so I can upgrade my credentials and start building my career. I also want to start an online business, one that my husband cannot touch when he is trying to “teach me a lesson”. Kindly recommend a few businesses to me. I have enough money in my savings to fund my education and start a business so this is something I can afford to do.

I have lost interest in my marriage completely, because of my husband’s behaviour. Are there women out here who are married to men like mine? How do cope with such a man? Honestly, if not for my pregnancy, I would’ve left with my son.

—Humu

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