I’ve been in two committed relationships. The last one started when I was in college. My school was outside the region I grew up in. So my boyfriend didn’t know where I live until we completed school. Even so, I was not in a hurry to take him home. My reservations had nothing to do with distance. Rather, I wanted to be sure first that our relationship was heading toward marriage.

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The thing is, my eldest sister set a precedent in our family when it comes to bringing men home to meet our parents. The very first man she brought home was the man she married. So my other sister and I understood that we should only introduce someone to our parents if we were making preparations for marriage. That way they wouldn’t be disappointed if the relationship didn’t work out.

That’s why I was hesitant to introduce my ex-boyfriend to my people. I didn’t want a situation where my parents would have high expectations for our relationship. When I explained this to him he said I had nothing to worry about.

“I want to meet your parents when we are finally ready to settle down but for now, I just want to know where you live. In case I call you and I can’t reach you, I should know where to find you, right?”

He had a point. So one day when he found himself in our region and my parents had left for the farm, I asked him to come see where we live. Not a fancy place. Just a single room we all share: me, my parents, and my sister.

I was honest with him about my home situation before I took him there. The day he finally saw it, he played it cool. I judged his reaction and concluded he had embraced me and my humble beginnings.

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However, his attitude toward me changed after that visit. He became distant and cold. At first, he said he was busy. But when it became too much I asked him if it was me. “Did I offend you in any way?”

He said, “You’ve done nothing wrong. Everything is fine.”

One day I was with him when I had the chance to go through his phone. I wanted to know if there was another woman. What I found made me feel worse than it would have if he was cheating.

I discovered a chat between him and our mutual friend. When our friend asked about his visit to my home he replied, “She told me she comes from humble beginnings but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

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I couldn’t keep reading the chat. I was so heartbroken. After that day I decided to leave him alone. He was already acting distant, and finding out he changed because of where I live was enough for me to end the relationship. We were together for almost three years. I thought the love we shared was stronger than any prejudice he might harbour against my humble beginnings but sadly, I thought wrong.

It’s been two years now since that breakup. I am currently in my late twenties. I want to give love a chance again. My family is working hard to relocate but preparations are still underway. I want to know if it’s a good idea to put myself out there while I still share a single room with my family. Or should I remain single until my circumstances change?

—Awura

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