About eight months ago, I woke up to see some missed calls on my phone. I saw about two or three calls from an unknown number. That wasn’t surprising because, at some point in time, I stopped saving numbers. So I thought it was someone I knew.

Later when I got to work, I called that number back. After the caller introduced himself, I realized that I didn’t know him. He was just someone I attended to at work a few months back. Apparently, he liked the way I took care of him so he took my number, in case of an emergency. He said, “I know I called you in the middle of the night, but it was an emergency. My friend’s mother was having a seizure and we didn’t know what to do. So I called you hoping to find out if your clinic was open at that time. But when you didn’t pick up, we found an alternative.”

I told him, “Sorry I couldn’t answer your call. I hope your friend’s mother is better now.” Then I gave him my facility’s working hours. He then asked me some questions about myself, and we ended up having a long chat. That day work wasn’t busy so I had some time on my hands. We spoke for hours until my first patient arrived. Then we said our goodbyes with the promise of talking again after work.

He called me back after work as promised, and we delved deeper into our personal lives. We both enjoyed talking to each other so the conversation didn’t end that day. We spoke more and more with each passing day. Because we were in constant communication, I decided to save his number on my phone. I saved it as APSU, which is the abbreviation for Augustine’s Old Students Union. Because he told me his alma mater is ST. Augustine’s College. In no time, we started talking about my past relationships and problems in life. He was always there to listen to me and offer me counsel.

After a while, I had to quit my job due to some problems at work. I didn’t have any new job lined up so I was just home surviving on my savings. APSU stepped in and started giving me money from time to time. The first time it happened I told him, “You don’t have to do that. I am not your responsibility.”
He told me, “I know that but I just want to help. And in case you are worried that I am using this money as a yardstick to get something from you, relax. It’s just a gift.” So I allowed myself to accept his money.

As time went on we started meeting in person. Casual hugs turned into passionate kisses, and in no time we were having conversations about shuperu on the phone. This continued till somewhere in March when we met at a movie house and slept together. During the act, I noticed that he was having lots of saliva in his mouth after he went down on me, so I asked him to go and spit it out, and he did. After the act, he told me, “I didn’t really enjoy it. You had a slight odour down there which explains the saliva I had in my mouth.”

I felt very bad. Extremely bad. So I told him that I don’t see myself getting intimate with him again. He apologized immediately, “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I just thought you should know.” That’s one thing I like about him. He always apologizes when I tell him he hurt me. I accepted his apology and told him, “It’s fine. But you have to understand that it will take some time for me to get comfortable around you again.” He said he was cool with my decision. We were not officially dating and I was okay with that. He is a Catholic and I don’t see myself getting married to a catholic so I always told him, “I am fine with us just staying friends, and casually hooking up. Please try not to catch feelings for me, and I will also restrain my heart from wanting you.”

After our encounter at the movie house, APSU would visit me at my grandfather’s house, and we would hide somewhere in the compound and make out. It was all fun and naughtiness until I realized I was falling in love with him. It was bad. “This is not supposed to happen,” I told myself anytime I caught myself thinking about him. So to save the situation, I started pushing him away little by little.

I also included him in my prayer topic; “God, please I want to get married someday but I don’t want a catholic. Now I find myself falling in love with one. If he is not the man for me please remove him from my life.” After a week of consistently praying about him, I decided to take the bold step and sever all ties with him. I sat him down and told him, “I know we tiptoe around the subject because of the intimate moments we’ve shared but when we started talking you told me you had a girlfriend. I have done some soul-searching and I realize that my relationship with you is wrong. I can’t see you anymore.”

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He asked me, “What about what I want? Doesn’t that matter too?” So I told him bluntly, “I am believing God for marriage. And I am not going to get that by being in an entanglement with someone’s boyfriend.” That was when he told me, “I broke up with my girlfriend the moment I found myself falling in love with you. But you repeatedly told me you can’t marry me because I am a Catholic so I didn’t know how to tell you about my feelings. But now that it’s in the open, what are we going to do about it?”

It’s true that I also find myself falling in love with him. He is an amazing man who cares about my feelings. I would love nothing more than to give him a chance so we see how things will work out. But I am scared that doing that will rather complicate things. You see, my people have drummed it into my head since I was a child that we are not allowed to marry Catholics. So if I give him a chance now, we might end up wasting each other’s time. If I don’t give him a chance too I might be missing out on an opportunity to be with a man who genuinely loves me.

Besides, I am the reason he broke up with his girlfriend. How am I supposed to say no to that? I feel like I am a bad person for letting things get this far. I don’t know what to do. I am very confused. Please advise me.

—Ama

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