He told me he was single when we met. And I searched the depths of his soul and found sincerity. I then searched every crevice of his heart and found it empty and longing to be loved. After we spent some time getting to know each other he confessed, “I have been waiting for someone like you for a while now. Will you be my girlfriend and make my heart your home?” I really liked him. How could I not say yes?
He has been good to me, I must admit. He gives me gifts even if we are not celebrating any occasions. Sometimes he would send me money out of the blue. I would see the notification and call him, “You just sent me money. Do you want me to get something for you?” He would either laugh or just smile, “No, babe. I was just thinking of you and decided to send you something.” It didn’t matter the number of times he did this, it always took me by surprise.
Seven months into the relationship, my boyfriend was still as kind and generous as he was when we started dating. The only change I noticed in him was his incessant phone calls to one particular number. Sometimes the person calls him when we are together. And he would either answer the phone and step away to go and talk to the person or he would ignore it. Other times too he intentionally puts his phone on silence and turns the screen away from me so I wouldn’t see any notifications.
I didn’t say anything to him about my observations. I just quietly watched him and figured out his password. One day when he was not looking I took his phone and copied the number that always called him. I waited for a whole month before I called the person. I wanted to see if there would be any change in the number of times he called the person but there was none. They still talked very often, so after a month I called the number.
It was a lady who answered the call. “Hello, my name is Lorlor. I am Kweku’s girlfriend,” I said as I introduced myself. The lady was silent until I asked, “Please what’s your name? I have seen your number on my boyfriend’s phone.” That was when she also introduced herself as Kweku’s girlfriend. “I don’t believe you,” I told her. “Then why did you call me? Surely, you have some suspicions you were hoping to confirm. Unless you want to tell me that you go about calling every number in his phonebook.” She was right. I did have my suspicions but I had hoped I was wrong.
The lady told me intimate details about their relationship that only someone who is dating or has dated Kweku would know. She told me, “I don’t know when you started dating him but we have been together for one year now. I know him like the back of my hand.” She sent me screenshots of their chat to prove her story. The only thing she told me about him that I could not relate to was that he was stingy. “He has never even given me a pin since we started dating,” she complained bitterly. I was surprised because the Kweku I knew is kind and generous. He is stingy with her but he gives me everything.
I was still hurt knowing that I was not the only woman in his life, so I confronted him. He was defensive, “I am not cheating on you or with you. Whoever you spoke to is just a friend.” “Is this the kind of conversation you have with just your friends?” I asked as I showed him the screenshots the lady shared with me. I was mistaken to think that would make him admit his mistakes and apologize. He rather turned the table around and got angry with me “Why did you go into my phone to take that number? What happened to us respecting each other’s privacy? And why would you listen to a complete stranger over me, who has done nothing but prove my love to you?”
The way he went about things made me feel I had done something wrong. So I didn’t pursue the matter any further. I even apologized to him for going through his phone without his permission. I also noticed that he stopped talking to the girl. So I forgave him (even though he did not admit to doing anything wrong) and all was well again. He was still the ever-loving and generous man I fell in love with. And I believed that was all I needed.
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However, five months after my talk with the other lady, another lady called me. She asked how I know Kweku, and when I answered that I am his girlfriend she said, “I am also his girlfriend. How long have you two been together?” She also sent me screenshots of their conversations to back her claim. The things I saw really cut me deep. In their chats, he told the girl he had nothing to do with me. He didn’t even say I was just a friend. He completely denied me. He swore he loved her and wants to spend forever with her.
I didn’t realize it when I started crying. This lady also told me intimate details about their relationship including the fact that he is stingy. Out of pain I also disclosed things about him to her. And I regretfully told her, “I don’t understand why he is cheating. Someone with a small “equipment” like his should zip up instead of going about showing his thing to every woman he comes across.” After my conversation with the girl, I confronted him. This time I did not demand any explanations, lest he gaslights me again. I just broke up with him.
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It seems the girl told him about my comments about his size so he called me sounding angry. He told me, “I love you but you don’t see it. What have I not done to prove myself to you? Everything you ask me I give to you. But you chose to listen to what other people are telling you about me. Now that you’ve left me too, you won’t leave me alone. Please stop disgracing me and telling people about my size. I truly love you but it’s your loss.”
After our last conversation, I have been wondering if I did the right thing leaving him without giving him the chance to explain himself. I keep asking myself why he would spend money providing for my needs if he didn’t love me. The fact that he was stingy with the other girls has made me more confused. Please, did I do the right thing? Or I should have been more patient with him?
–Lorlor
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#SB
I have a story to share. I think now I have the mental ability to share it with you.
My story is long, and I can’t type them. I had wanted to join your trip next weekend so that I can get the chance to share it with you but unfortunately, I can’t make it.
You should have been a bit more patient with him.
Come to think of it, why disgrace him about his size?
The ladies who don’t get anything from him were still there enjoy his okro size that alone should have convince you that you were the one he loves.
Mined you, men only spend on women they love…. He was kind to you but stingy to others.
Yourself, i doubt you loved him. You were only enjoying the goodies/money because his size wasn’t enough for you but you were calmly there cos of the monies.
Free someone’s son wai.
Why would a man love you, spend money on you, spend quality time with you and yet still cheat. This is something I find very hard to understand
You were suppose to be patient with him.If possible apologise to him. Never go about discussing the size of equipment to any in your next Relationship ,if that were to be done to you will you be happy.
You did the right thing leaving him. Some people confuse giving money and spending time together as enough to sustain a relationship. People are on their best behaviour while they’re dating. If you tolerate cheating now, best believe it that you’re consenting to marrying a man that will disrespect your marriage and possibly bring you diseases and have children by other women.
The most important thing that you mentioned was that you didn’t want him to gaslight you. That, my dear, is your subconscious telling you the hard truth his lying tongue won’t allow your soul to accept. You know deep down that he is lying. Maybe to some people respect, accountability, honesty and trust aren’t important for a relationship to work. The fact that it bothered you that he did those things is an indication of your basic standards in a partner.
Basically, you’ve just established that being given money is not a priority to you. Don’t remove the requirement for having someone who cares enough to be there for you and take care of you without making you feel like a burden just as you’ll be there for them.