My boyfriend has been apologizing to me for the past three days. He says he is sorry for betraying my trust. I am not one to hold grudges for long. If what he did was anything else, I would have let it go long ago for us to move on with our lives. This one though… it cut deep. 

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He didn’t just cheat on me, he left evidence of his affair. That’s right. He got another woman pregnant and now she has given birth. Is this something a simple “I am sorry” can fix? In case you are wondering why I won’t leave him, I have a child with him as well. Our baby arrived this September. 

From what I gathered, he impregnated me and the other lady at the same time. I would not have suspected a thing if I had not gone through his phone. We are living together but nothing gave him away. I don’t know if he spent time with her when we were not living together and only stopped seeing her when I had the baby and moved in, or if it happened only once like he is saying.

He said the other lady was a mistake and that he doesn’t know what came over him to get involved with her. Like I said, nothing gave him away. What we had was peaceful. We were happy. As far as I was concerned, me and my man were going to raise our child together as a family. That’s why I agreed to pack up and live with him in the first place. Now, everything has changed. He is a whole different person in my eyes now.

It’s one thing to stray. It’s another thing to impregnate someone else. What I can’t get over is the fact that he didn’t tell me. How did he manage to keep it a secret all this while and walk about with a clean conscience as if nothing was amiss? I asked him if he would have ever told me if I had not gone snooping through his phone. He responded, “I was just waiting for the right time.” 

When was that right time supposed to be? How long did he plan to keep that part of his life hidden from me until his supposed right time arrived? Most importantly, I can’t shut off my mind to the possibility that he is hiding more things from me. 

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In his defense, he didn’t tell me about her because I was pregnant. Besides, he didn’t want to rock our relationship because of an ex-girlfriend he only had a one-night stand with. “Babe, she knew about you,” he swears, “I never hid the fact that I was in a relationship from her.” 

From their chat, he went to visit her only once. It was after she got home from the hospital. He says he wants nothing to do with the woman or their child. He only wants to send them money for child support. He even told her he had moved out of the city so she wouldn’t try looking for him. I don’t think it’s right for him to do that but he says, “When she removes her mind from me, I can focus on the family we are building together.”

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When he wakes up in the morning he tells me he is sorry he cheated and kept the baby a secret from me. In the afternoon, he would call from work to check up on me and sneak in an apology. Before we go to bed at night, he would sing hymns of sorry. He has promised not to look at another woman again if I give him a second chance. 

I am not sure what to make of any of it. There is too much going on in my head for me to think clearly. I can’t stop thinking about the pain and the disappointment my heart is going through. I have heard stories about how men continue cheating once you forgive them. What if I let this one slide and he does worse later? I don’t know what to do. 

—Sister

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