We always used protection when we had sex. And when we got too caught up in the moment to use protection, I would get the morning-after pills, and everything would be alright. There were times I even took the pills after we used a condom. You can never be too careful with these things, you know. I believed I had it figured out. I was keeping myself safe from another unplanned pregnancy.

I already had two children from a failed relationship. And I was selling sugar cane to take care of my kids after their daddy took off. So I was not about to take chances and end up with another child. It was actually during one of my days hawking sugar canes that I met Nat. He bought sugar cane from me once and told me, “I like sugarcanes so every time you pass by my shop, come and say hello to me and ask if I would like to buy some.” Who wouldn’t be happy hearing this from a customer? I smiled at him and said, “Then be ready to eat sugarcanes every day, because I will pass by your shop every day.” That day was the birth of our friendship.

Every time I went hawking, I passed by his shop and we would chat for a while before I would continue my day. It did not take that long for us to form an emotional attachment to each other. I enjoyed his company but I did not see him as a love interest. He, on the other hand, confessed his feelings for me. “I didn’t mean for it to happen but I am in love with you. I want to be your boyfriend.” At that time I was already seeing someone so I told him, “The boyfriend spot in my life is already taken, but we can stay friends.” He didn’t have any other choice but to be my friend.

In the course of our friendship, we had conversations about our lives and I spoke to him whenever I had problems with my boyfriend. So when the relationship ended we spoke about it. He was supportive as he had always been. And when I started to feel better he asked me once again to be his girlfriend.

This time around, I had grown to know that he was reliable and worthy of my heart. That was when I told him, “Before I give you an answer, you should know that I have two children.” He laughed so hard I thought he would crack a rib. When he regained his composure he said, “That was very funny. What other jokes do you have?” I told him I was serious and he responded, “You don’t even look like someone who has one child, let alone two.” He asked me questions to prove that I was serious. And I answered him accurately.

After I finally convinced him that I am a mother he told me, “The fact that you have two kids does not change the way I feel about you. I still love you and I am interested in a serious relationship with you.” This is the kind of information that scared most men away but it did not scare him off. I was touched. I believe that was the moment I fell in love with him. I didn’t need to say many words to make our relationship official. It just felt right.

One day we were talking when he said, “There is something I have been meaning to tell you but I am worried you might judge me.” “Come on, when have I ever judged you? You can talk to me about anything,” I encouraged him. This guy then opened his mouth and said, “You are not the only one who has kids in this relationship. I also have two children. A boy and a girl. They have different mothers. In fact, both mothers got pregnant in the same month so people presume they are twins.” For a minute I couldn’t speak.

The first question I asked him was, “Why did you not marry any of the mums?” He said the one he wanted to marry did not want to marry him. She is the mother of the girl. As for the boy’s mum, he said they used to be friends with benefits until she got pregnant. There was no love between them. His life went from simple to messy after he opened up to me. But I had already fallen in love with him. I didn’t have the strength to walk away from him. So I stayed and continued to love him.

Although I loved him, I had no desire to have his child, especially out of wedlock. That is why I was so keen on taking precautions whenever we got intimate. So imagine how terrified I was when after all that, I still found myself pregnant for him. My first thought was that I had to get rid of it. I told Nat about it and he objected to my solution. He insisted that I keep the child. He promised we would get married and he would take care of me and the baby. But I shook my head, “I am just not ready to have another child.” He got angry and called my sister. He told my sister he is not responsible if anything happens to me in my attempt to get rid of the pregnancy.

My sister called and advised me to keep the baby. It felt like an impossible choice to make but I eventually agreed to keep the baby. When I told Nat about my reformed decision, he was happy to hear it. He asked me to inform my parents of our situation so that he would come and officially see them for the marriage list. He even gave me money to fund my trip to the village. When I told my parents I was pregnant yet again, my father was angry. He complained for a while, but he let it go when he calmed down.

Nat was supposed to come to my village with his elder brother while I was still there. However, he called to tell me, “There has been a change of plans. My elder brother has traveled. So come to Accra and let’s put things together while we wait for his return.” I came back to Accra and that was the end of it. He gave me excuses every time I brought up our marriage plans. Along the line, I found out that his son’s mother was pregnant for him with a second child. This is a woman he swore he did not love. I was disturbed, disappointed, and broken. If I could, I would have terminated the pregnancy and cut ties with him. But by then I was too far along to attempt such a thing. So I just held myself together and continued with the pregnancy.

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By God’s grace, I delivered a healthy baby. It was after the baby was born that I saw that Nat had many faces. I would go to his shop and meet him getting all cozy with a girl. Every day I went there I met a different girl. When I complained he told me they were just his customers. There was Abena, then Jemima, and then Maa T. I almost forgot Charlotte, Stella, and all the others whose names I don’t know.

I remember one evening, I met Maa T in front of his shop. The moment she saw me she started, “You this woman, stay away from my boyfriend. Or else?” “Or else what, Madam? What will you do to me?” She shook her head, “He told me you are just his friend. He is only entertaining you because your husband is not in town. So there is no need to fight you.” When I told Maa T that Nat lied to her she was shocked. She couldn’t believe he was my baby daddy. Another time I met Stella at the shop and we had the same conversation. She cried, “Nat broke my virginity and promised to marry me. I can’t believe he has been lying to me all this while.” I never met her at his shop after that.

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All the girls I spoke to stayed away from Nat except Abena. Abena did not believe me. She chose to believe Nat’s lies over my truth. This girl mocks me wherever she sees me. She tells me to go and find my child’s father and stop pinning the child on her man. When I confronted Nat to stop spreading such rumors about me he said, “I tell my girls the child is not mine because it’s not their business. All that matters is that my family is aware that the child is mine. Besides, I don’t love any of those girls. You are my number one girl.”

Nat’s attitude continued until December last year. One of his girlfriends insulted me at his shop. She also told me to go and look for my child’s father. Nat was sitting right there but he did not defend me. I asked him, “Did you hear what your girlfriend just said? Won’t you correct her?” He was as quiet as a grave. That was the last straw for me. He apologized after the girl left, and begged me not to tell anyone what he did. But I told my sister and she got angry on my behalf. From that time till now, I have not spoken to him. He has also not bothered to ask how the baby is doing. He doesn’t seem to care how we survive.

I wish him well in life. Because of him, I have resolved never to get involved with any man again. I am only twenty-nine but I have suffered too much in the name of love. I can’t take any more disappointments. I am done.

–Christy

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