Our relationship hadn’t been the same for a long time, but this was the straw that tipped the balance for me. He would hurt me and not apologize. I would be the one to apologize for his mistakes and wrongdoings. He didn’t call me the way he used to. When I was on the phone with him, he couldn’t wait to say goodbye. I mean, the signs were there, but I was a girl in love. I thought I had to push before I could bring him in to love me the way he did from the start.

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I went to spend a night with him after a fight. He didn’t want me to spend the night, but in my mind, if I did, I could touch his soul with sex and melt away the heavy feelings he had toward me. All evening, he was sweet and gentle with me. We had a great time together and fell asleep afterwards.

Deep in my sleep, I felt a heavy kick at my back, and by the time I opened my eyes, I was on the floor. He had kicked me to the floor with his leg because, according to him, I’d been farting all night. “Don’t you know when to stop?” he screamed. “Every minute *biaa tui, adɛn? Did you eat a bag of air before sleeping?”

I was on the floor, feeling hurt, but I said sorry. He screamed, “Leave here—you can go and sleep in the hall.” He threw a pillow at me and pointed at the door for me to leave. Hmmm, when a man wants to leave…

I went to the hall, put the pillow on the sofa, and lay down. There’s a point when you decide for yourself how long you’ll allow yourself to be disrespected and abused. I told myself, “There’s a comfortable bed at home—why am I doing this to myself?”

I got up, dressed, and walked through the darkness to the roadside to get a taxi home. I was scared, but in that moment, I preferred to risk getting into a taxi than stay in the room with him. The taxi driver brought me home safely and even gave me his number in case I went out at night and needed a taxi.

I didn’t call the next morning. Days later, I still hadn’t spoken to him, but I was breathing just fine. He called eight days later to ask why I hadn’t called him when I got home that dawn. It was because I didn’t call him that he didn’t see the need to call me. I asked, “What do you want?” He replied, “Should I want something before I can call my girlfriend?”

A quote I saw online kept ringing in my ears: “You disrespect yourself when you go back to a relationship that humiliated you.”

“Your girlfriend?” I asked him. “Maybe you’ve lost your way.” I cut the call.

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

Now, when he calls my phone, I watch the screen and dance to the music his call plays. Once a week, I change his caller tone—only danceable songs—so I can dance while he calls. Block him? Naaa, he’s my source of entertainment until he stops calling.

— Bellis

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