I am a nurse who is awaiting posting, so I got myself a job at a pharmacy to keep some money in my purse. I was at work one day when a young man walked into the pharmacy to buy drugs. After I sold him the drugs, he asked for my number. It was the first time a customer asked for my number. I remember telling him, “I can’t give my number to you unless my boss says it’s okay to do that.”

So he turned to my boss who was also at the counter and asked, “I want to be her friend. Is it okay if she gives her number to me?” My boss shrugged and said, “It’s okay as long as she is comfortable with it.” That’s how I ended up giving my number to Daniel.

We didn’t have much to talk about every time he called, so he would just check up on me and hung up. I also didn’t give him much attention until one day when he asked me out on a date. I wasn’t seeing anyone so I went out with him. On my day off and his day off, we went to the Labadi beach. We made small talk about the sea and the weather.

When we both felt at ease in each other’s company he confessed, “To be honest, I didn’t ask for your number just to be your friend. I like you. And I will be happy to have you as my girlfriend. What do you have to say about that?” I felt so shy all of a sudden. I couldn’t even look at him. I told him I wasn’t well so I would like to go home.

When I got home I thought about my resolution. My previous relationship left me scarred so I was determined not to date anytime soon. Nonetheless, this Daniel guy seemed nice. I decided I would keep my heart open and see how things would go.

He called me every day after our date until I agreed to be his girlfriend. Honestly, the relationship wasn’t bad. Daniel was caring and generous. He knows how to take care of a woman. I felt his love through his actions. In my mind, I have finally met the man of my dreams. I was ready to take the big leap and give him all of my heart.

Fortunately, before I could give him my all he asked me a question that got me thinking. He asked, “What will you do if you find out your partner has a child?” Our relationship was four months old at this point. I had been to his place and there were no signs that he had a child. But I asked him, “Why? Do you have a child?” This guy shook his head and said, “No, I don’t. I am doing a little research that’s why I’m asking.” We were on a video call so I could see the sincerity on his face. I believed him because he looked like he meant it.

I didn’t even think too deeply before I answered his question. I told him, “I have heard enough stories about baby daddies to know that I won’t date one. You will give them a chance only to face a whole lot of drama from their baby mamas. I cherish my peace of mind so I won’t go into it at all.” I saw that his facial expression changed after I gave him my answer but I didn’t think much of it. He quickly found a reason to end the call with the promise to call me back.

He didn’t call me the rest of the day, which was unlike him. The next day I called him on a video call but he didn’t pick up. Later, he returned my call but his camera was off. I asked him to turn his camera on but he told me his phone is spoilt. The whole thing didn’t make sense but I didn’t push it. In the middle of our conversation, I heard a lot of voices in the background. “Why is there so much noise in your background? Where are you?” He responded, “Oh I came to visit my aunt.” Again, another thing that didn’t add up. I asked him, “Is that why your camera is off? You don’t want your aunt to see me? Are you hiding me from your family?” He didn’t answer me. He just said, “I have to go. I will call you back,” and then hung up.

His behaviour was so out of character. So I sat down and analyzed everything. He changed when he asked me that question about dating a baby daddy. “Could it be that he has a child and doesn’t know how to tell me?” I wondered. I knew the only way to confirm my suspicions was to confront him.

Later that day he called me. I didn’t even waste time on pleasantries. I asked him straightforward, “Do you have a child?” This time around he didn’t deny it. “Yes, I am a baby daddy. And you don’t have to worry about any drama. Things didn’t work out between me and the child’s mother so we are just co-parents.” I didn’t care about his long explanations. All that mattered to me was that he didn’t tell me the truth right from the beginning.

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“Why didn’t you tell me that you have a child?” This guy told me, “Because it’s my privacy. I don’t owe it to you to tell you about her. After all, you are not my wife.” I found his answer very harsh and insensitive. I told him I was offended but he didn’t care. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he said. “Why did you ask for the truth if you knew you couldn’t handle it? Just because we are dating doesn’t mean I should tell you everything about my life. Some things are private, and for me, that’s my child. You need to understand that.” What was there to understand?

I tried to express my concerns and he told me to stop behaving like a child. So I stopped talking to him. I even changed the way I saved his number on my phone. He saw that my attitude toward him changed so he texted me asking if I was no longer interested in the relationship. I didn’t mind him. Another time he asked me to visit him, and that he missed me. That one too I didn’t mind him.

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My friends asked what was going on, and I told them what he did. I think they confronted him. He didn’t like that so he got mad at me. “Why are you discussing our problems with people? You are overreacting over this whole baby daddy thing. Seriously, think like an adult,” he ranted. In my mind, I have broken up with him but he thinks we are still together and just going through a rough patch.

One of my friends who knows our story has asked me to forgive him and carry on with the relationship. It isn’t that I can’t forgive him. My concern is his lack of remorse. He feels he did the right thing by keeping his child a secret right from the beginning of our relationship. Is he right to do that? Am I truly overreacting? If he can hide something like this, then what else is he hiding?

—Maa Lizzy

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