He wanted to marry me when I was in school. I told him it wasn’t a good idea because I was in school. “Don’t you need a wife who helps with the bills? After school, I will get a job and we’ll be married.” He didn’t want to understand. We had dated for two years and according to him, he was at the exact point in life where he dreamed of marriage. I told him to push it a little forward to make room for me to grow.

After school, he brought up the marriage proposal again. I was still in the academic gown when he asked about marriage. I told him to have patience. He was a man in a hurry but I was a woman who wanted to be in a better place first before anything else.

My parents have influence in many places of work. I chose one of such places for my national service hoping I would be retained after service. It was during my national service days that my mom travelled abroad to join my father. They left the whole house for me and my elder sister but she was married and was living with her husband. I was left alone to live in a huge four-bedroom house all by myself.

After national service, I gave him the assurance that we were going to get married the following year because I would be working at that time. He asked me, “So I should start buying things for the marriage?” I nodded because I was very sure that was what was going to happen.

I completed my service and had a job offer right where I did my national service. Just around that time, his rent expired. He told me, “You live alone. Can I move in until we figure something out?” I said yes to him before I discussed it with my parents. They also agreed with the belief that we were going to get married as soon as possible.

He packed his things and came to live in my parents’ house with me and from the day he settled in here, he stopped talking about marriage. I reminded him of my readiness one day and he told me some things in his life were not working out so I should give him some time to figure things out. We’d been living together for one and a half years. He hadn’t said anything about marriage and because I didn’t want to sound desperate, I also stopped asking.

READ ALSO: The Woman I Love Has Three problems, According To My Parents

It was my dad who popped the question one day when I was talking to him. I told him the truth; “He’s no longer talking about it. I don’t know what he’s currently thinking about.” My dad said, “Maybe it’s because you’re living together, he thinks you’re already married. If he wants to take his time, then he should rent a new place and take all the time there. Tell him or I’ll be forced to tell him myself.”

I didn’t say it the way my dad asked me to. I asked questions; “Dear, my parents don’t want to continue seeing us together when we are not married. What are we waiting for? Is there something I can help you with? What do you need to make a decision? We need to resolve this as early as possible before my parents begin to poke their noses into our lives.”

He retorted, “Why are you trying to use your parents’ name to push me around? They are old enough and they understand marriage takes time. When you needed time, I gave it to you. Why can’t you give me the same grace I gave you?”

I was ready to give him whatever time he needed but I wanted to know the reason he needed the time. He didn’t say anything apart from needing time to resolve issues. I moved out to another room. I stopped cooking. When I did the laundry, I separated his from mine and asked him to do it on his own. I removed every benefit he was enjoying as a result of our relationship. When he complained, I told him I couldn’t give a boyfriend what I should give to a husband.

When the complaint was getting too much I told him, “You have one month. Get your own place and leave this house. It’s for my parents and they’re coming home.”

Two weeks later, he told me we should get married. “What changed?” He couldn’t answer that question so I told him, “I’m not ready until you talk.” He answered, “I don’t have anything to talk about. I said I wasn’t ready. Now I’m ready. I’m the one saying it.”

Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past?

To be honest, I don’t want the marriage any longer. He’s making it look like I’m forcing him or I’m the one who’s desperately looking for marriage. And the way he quickly changed his mind is also all sorts of red flags. I want him out of this house first. We both have a lot of thinking to do. Once he’s out and on his own, we both can reason apart and see the way forward. Currently, it looks like we both don’t know what we want and it’s the reason we are where we are now. I want to know if I’m doing the right thing. Is asking him to leave first before anything else a good idea?

—Samantha

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.