When I found out I was pregnant, I told Richard I would have the baby. “I am not going to force you to take responsibility if you don’t want to be a part of this.” He said, “I am not going anywhere. We had this baby together so we will deal with the aftermath as a team.” He asked me to come and stay with him. Out of love and hope that we would someday get married, I did.

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Along the line, he started having second thoughts. We would get into arguments and he would tell me to go and remove the pregnancy. I refused to listen to him. I felt he was only reacting to the pressure of unplanned parenthood.

By the time I had the baby, he had lost his job. All the financial responsibilities of taking care of the home fell on me. I also took care of the hospital bills and everything our newborn needed. Despite the challenges, we had a fairly peaceful family. We were happy when he was in a good mood.

By that I mean, one day we had a heated argument. It wasn’t the first time we argued. It also wasn’t the first time he insulted me. Definitely not the first time he hit me. This time though, he hit me in the eye. The impact was hard enough to knock me out.

I kept telling myself he was frustrated, because he was broke and lost. I didn’t want to leave while he was down. I wanted him to stand on his feet before I would decide whether or not to leave him.

Three years have passed. He’s getting back on his feet now, but the insults and the abuse still creep in. I used to love him regardless but this year something inside me has changed. I know I deserve better than to be treated as a punching bag.

One other thing that contributed to my waning interest in him was how often he told me he was not going to marry me. Sometimes he would say, “You don’t make me happy. Pack your things and leave my life.”

There is a guy I went to school with. He reached out to me out of the blue. Because of the emotional toll of my relationship, I engaged him. There was nothing amorous about our conversations. Just regular friendly conversations that made me smile and reminded me that there are people out there who care about me.

Richard went through my phone one night and saw our chat. He woke me up and initiated intimacy. When we finished and lay down panting for breath, he asked why I was entertaining another man. Before I could even speak, a punch landed on my eye. I didn’t get space to regain my composure before another one followed. When he landed the third punch, I bled through my nose.

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I couldn’t see for three days. Even after one month, I was still in pain. He came begging for forgiveness when he recovered but I want nothing to do with him anymore. Every time he touches me, that night flashes before my eyes like it just happened.

Now, leaving is the problem. My daughter is attached to him. She loves her father, and it breaks my heart when I think about taking her away. He provides for food, but every little misunderstanding turns into complaints about how he does everything for us.

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I’m not trying to paint him as a monster. He has tried in his own way. But living with him now feels like living inside a wound that refuses to close. I have my own job. I’ve contributed financially to the household and I still do that. If I leave, I would be fine without his support.

I just happen to feel stuck because I don’t want to separate our little girl from her father. Is this a good reason to stay with such a man? I just feel so guilty when the thought crosses my mind.

—Sarah 

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