It was love at first sight. I saw her once and I knew it. I’m very calculative when it comes to love. Every woman I’d been in love with took some time for it to happen. At first, we are strangers. I will say hello or make a move to change our status from strangers to friends or something like that. I’ll take my time to know you and also give you the chance to know me. Then one day when my heart is at peace, I’ll propose to you. It used to be a process but Cynthia was different. Once I set my eyes on her my heart made the decision that she was the one. I said hello and she smiled.

The days ahead were very busy for us. I couldn’t sleep well until she said good night to me. My day would lose its colour until I hear her voice. Slowly she was becoming the centre around which my happiness revolve. When she finally said yes to me, my life became a party that never ended. The music kept playing long after the dancers had left the dancing floor.

I held her hands and showed her to everyone that she was the one. I behaved like a kid with a new toy. I slept with my toy clutched in between my thighs. I would wake up at night, fondle it and tell myself, “I can’t believe I own this. What did I do right to deserve something this good?”

She told me, “You’re doing all this because it’s a new love. I’ve seen it before. They are all over you in the first few months. Once the sun sets on you, their love also goes to sleep. I’ve lived long enough to know this as the truth.” I told her, “Give me forever and it will always be like this.”

A year later, nothing has changed. I had taken her home to meet my parents. My parents were not too sure. They said, “Fair ladies are not to be trusted ooo. Are you sure she loves you the way you love her? Do you think it will work? You remember Rebecca? You were so sure until you lost her. You’re sure this is going to be a different story?”

I said yes to all their questions. “Cynthia is different. Her heart is just like her skin colour; fair. She will be fair to the end, she loves me that much.”

They embraced her and welcomed her into the family. She and my mom became good friends. They called each other. They texted each other and even exchanged memes. My mom is like that. She spreads the laughter. Once she receives anything funny, she passes it on. She used to pass it on to me but once she met Cynthia, she stopped sending memes to me.

Cynthia is very easy to love. It takes just one look. One meeting and it is love. I wasn’t surprised my mom loved her that much.

My dad was just being a man and a father. He kept his emotions in check but he loved her the same way. He called often and asked about her before he said goodbye. Her family also accepted our relationship so the next thing was marriage. The way was always forward.

We dated for two years before we started making arrangements for marriage. We’ll see something nice and tell ourselves, “Let’s buy it. We’ll need it for the marriage.” We bought clothes. We chose our colours, we sourced for vendors. We were ready. And then I lost my job.

It happened so quickly that I felt dazed. It was like going to sleep a king and waking up a pauper. We bought our rings on Saturday. I went to work on Monday and was told my position wasn’t needed because of the restructuring the company had done. I was given one month to prepare to leave. The shock my heart received was so deep, I lost my bearing. “What? At this moment that….”

There was nothing I could do. The time came and I left the company. That was the time Cynthia’s love came shining through. She was always the one giving me the motivation; “Bad things happen so we can appreciate it when good things come our way. It gets better in the end. Don’t be weary.”

Her love and support kept me going. I slept with a broken heart but woke up each morning with renewed strength to go the mile to secure a new job. Time passes by slowly and changes everything it touches. Our wedding plans were delayed. I stayed homes for over a year and a half before I finally landed a new job. She looked at me and said, “I told you! I knew it but you were too down to believe me. You see? Isn’t this better than what you lost?”

I hugged her. I said thank you. She asked me, “For what? I didn’t give you the job?” I answered, “Thank you for believing in me. For trusting the process enough to stay with me to this point. I’m grateful. Now let’s pick it from where we left off. We have the rings, right? Let’s walk to the gown.”

I don’t know what happened but one day I read a post on genotype and marriage on social media. The post advised couples to know their genotype before marriage to prevent bringing up kids that will suffer from sickle disease. A few days later, our church had a program and also brought up that topic. The resource person spoke at length, giving more details about why we needed to do it before marriage. I accepted to do it and it turned out I was AS.

I pushed Cynthia to also do it. He asked me, “What happens if it turns out that we are not compatible?” I told her, “We don’t have to waste our time discussing this. We are compatible. AA is written all over you. I can even smell it but you do it and let’s see.”

She did the test and she was also AS.

For a whole week, we couldn’t discuss the way forward. We ran away from the topic. We kept going as if nothing was wrong but we were not happy. We were hiding from it but it stared at us in our faces at every turn until she asked me, “So now what do we do? We can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. It does. We need to discuss it and see the way forward.” I told her, “Can we marry and not give birth? I mean it’s possible, right?”

She shook her head. “We don’t have to give ourselves hope and decide on things we may not be able to enjoy. I’m a woman. I want babies. A lot of them.” I said, “Fine. Let’s get married. Who knows? We can even make AA babies. It’s 50:50. We can ride on luck. We have God.” She answered, “Everyone has God but bad things still happen. We should leave emotions out of this and do what’s good for us and our future. We can’t run from this. It will become our shadow once we marry.”

So the way forward was a breakup.

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The only breakup that broke my parents down. I remember my mom telling me, “So you can’t do anything about it? Why did you even go and check? Those days we didn’t have all these things but we got married and gave birth to strong kids. You shouldn’t have checked.”

It took us two months to finally break up. We were trying to take it slowly so it doesn’t hurt any of us but no matter what we did, the hurt was still apparent. We finally let go so each of us can go on with our lives.

At first, we were calling and texting each other but it faded. We didn’t call each other for three weeks and the next thing I knew, Cynthia was posting another man as the love of his life. I saw it on Facebook and thought it might be a joke or a mistake. I checked her status and the guy had four slides to himself. All adorned with beautiful love messages. I sent her a message, “Since when?”

If I would get a reply to that message today, I don’t know. She read it and ignored it and even went ahead to post two more photos. The break-up didn’t hurt as much as the way it hurt when I found out she had moved on. It still hurts. I thought our love was so strong it will take us a while to move on but she did move on as if the four years we spent together was only a day.

It hurt me to the core but my mom had the last say. She said, “It’s like the plaster on a sore. Take it off slowly and the pain lingers on. Pull it off at once and the pain flashes by and it’s gone. That’s what she’s doing but it doesn’t mean she’s not in pain. You can do the same too.”

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I can do the same but it’s not easy. I don’t think I’ll ever love any woman the way I love Cynthia. But let’s see, time has a way of proving us wrong. I hope it does this time too.

—Don

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